H.A.R.Z.E.Q

Beauty is subjective.

2011-09-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

Still, there is a guideline that I don’t think most people realize, but they fell for it anyway. Mainstream beauty is what they probably call it, those who are pretty at one glance, another glance, at every side, and then you’ll probably get bored of it because they look exactly the same like the rest of the pretty girls in the world, that sort of thing.

Then there’s the unconventional beauty that fashion designers always search for, those models with simple flaws that could attract mixed opinions. Yet they all couldn’t help but agree that they are gorgeous in their own artistic way, intriguing and downright interesting. The features, I mean.

(image from here)

But opinions vary and if I happen to think that a wide-gaped tooth model is pretty, the next person might not. If I think this girl with a large nose is beautiful, the rest of you might scoff in disbelief. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

(clicky click. Joanneme is my favorite Chinese blogger and she's so pretty! Though I think it's her eyes that makes her look oh so gorgeous, but she's still so pretty.)

Still, there is a law in beauty, and if you’re ticked in the right boxes then rest assured, people are going to find you pretty, or at least, not as awkward.

What are they? I can’t vouch for the western standard of beauty, but I’ve seen it here, in Malaysia, that for you to be pretty, you must have;

1. Fair skin
We love pearly glow. Not healthy glow. Healthy glow is not good. It’ll make you look dark in pictures. And we don’t want to look dark. Because we wouldn’t stand out that way. Fair skin automatically makes you look innocent and cute like a white bunny, and don’t tell me that white bunnies aren’t cute. Brown bunnies are cute too but people in my country probably will like white bunnies more. I hate this kind of prejudice. :(

2. Symmetrical face
It’s fine if you have large features. As long as it’s symmetrical with the rest of your face, you will look pretty. As long as your eyes and mouth is considerably larger than your nose, you will look pretty. Otherwise, you wouldn’t look as approachable. Compare a person with a nose as small as her mouth, and a person with a considerably wider mouth than her nose, who'll have a warmer face? Who has a better smile? The wider a smile is, the better it’ll look, isn’t it? Well, what can you do. That's why people try to make their eyes larger, their nose narrower, their lips...well, it's up to one's taste, I guess.

Meh, this topic is depressing. I can list more stuff about it, and many will probably beg to differ, but this is what I’ve observed. And it is kind of true. If not, why would many people find actresses beautiful, while models odd looking? Awkward, even? That sort of mainstream versus unconventional beauty is interesting to say the least, especially how much a person’s opinion differs from the others.

But all in all, beauty sags, people. How many cute babies have you seen, who grow up not to be as cute as they used to be? How many celebrities who don’t look as gorgeous as they did in their prime time?

I can assure myself with that, that beauty is a onetime thing, that beauty is just a handicap and nothing else, but beauty IS a handicap.

Beautiful people DO live their lives, easily. And for them to deny, saying that no, we have it tough just like you do, just couldn’t understand the whole picture.

They have it tough too. But it’s a different kind of toughness.

It’s like saying a genius lives his life just as tough as a slow-learner. As if a clever person needs to study as hard as the slow-learner. No, they don’t. They have a brain as sharp as a butcher’s knife. My brain is probably as sharp as my mother’s knife, which is probably not as sharp in the first place. So I need to sharpen it up, by studying a lot. Those intelligent people can only use a sharpener and they’re good to go. At least until the next test.

But of course, every human on earth has their own difficulties in life. Who to say they don’t?

It’s just that they have their own handicap. Everyone has their own handicap. You either realize it or don’t. But the most noticeable handicap is beauty. Next is probably brain.

Tell me, how many people look at others’ brain first before looking at their face?

As if their eyes can pierce through their brain? No, they pierce through a person’s eyes first. Then to the rest of their being. It’s not until a couple minutes later, heck, maybe a few hours, before they’ll get to the brain part. That is, if they were given the chance. Or if they didn’t screw up.

But if you look charming, then you’re good to go.

If you look ever the slightly nervous, or even a bit awkward, I believe you’ll have a problem there.

Confidence! Confidence, that’s what all people who aren’t born with natural beauty needs.

Resource! Resource, that’s what all people who aren’t born with a genius brain needs.

People might want to be best friends with beautiful people more than with you, but take a good look at your own friends and cherish them. Those are the people who love you for what you are.

Outer beauty sags, inner beauty doesn’t. It might not sag now, they might get better job, better boyfriend, better friends, better everything, but you’ll have a job that you were hired based on your skills, you’ll get a boyfriend who loves you for your inner beauty, you’ll get friends who love you for who you are.

It’s harder to sift through those when you have friends who’re in it for the benefits and the glamour behind it, to find your true friend who only cares about you and not ass-kissing you all the time.

See? Pretty people don’t get through things that easy either. But they do jump over the border easier. We, on the other hand, need to climb it, to make sure we land safely, but once we’ve landed, we’re safe.

People who jump on the other hand, might sprain their ankles.

Same applies to the geniuses.

But here’s the thing, if people don’t want to be friends with you because you’re not pretty to their eyes, then they’re not worth your time.

Would you want to work with a boss who only keeps you around for his viewing pleasure, or for his clients' viewing pleasure?

Would you want to live for eternity with a guy who has such a discriminating attitude?

See, the difficulties that beautiful people need to endure. Sure, you might say, oh they have a lot of options, sure it can be solved easily.

But to find a diamond in the rough is tough business. Especially when the other beads are just as sparkly. But you know they are fake.

Trust your guts! If you feel he’s the one, if he stands by you no matter what condition you are in, then just leave it to God and trust His judgment.

If everything doesn’t turn out well, then there’s another trial for you. What is life without trial? It spices things up, doesn’t it? Life with sparkles and sunshine can be a tad boring after a while, anyway. If anything, it teaches you to be a better person, a better son, a better daughter, a better servant.

As Eric Butterworth says – and this happens to my favorite quote – “Don’t go through life, grow through life.”

Thank you, see you later. :D

of bridal makeup and whatnot.

2011-09-27T03:24:00.000-07:00

This is all my opinion.

Four years ago, I was exposed to the colorful world of bridal and runway makeup. I saw beforehand how the backstage people in the Malaysian community worked, their tips and tricks, and of course, the drama.

But to hell with the drama, let’s talk about the bridal makeup in general.

Since eternity I have always loathed bridal makeup. Not the technique or anything, but the way it was executed. I thought it will be better nowadays, but no. I was involved in four weddings this year (there’s my eldest brother and his wife joined wedding reception, my third brother’s wife reception, my fourth brother’s wife reception, my third and fourth – who are twins – double wedding reception) and I saw how nothing has changed.

Heck, just look at a Malaysian magazine's cover and compare it to Western – or even Japanese – magazines and you can see how dreadful the makeup is.

(you can't really see it here, but if you go to a bookstore, really look at the model's face on the cover, then you can see the foundation lines showing and caking on their faces. They could've airbrushed it, and many attempted on it, but it never really looks natural enough in my opinion)

Okay, to be fair, I suppose the eye and lip makeup are bearable. (The makeup in that cover above is very pretty in my opinion)

What really gets on my nerve is the foundation. That cream, stick foundation that they pile up inches and inches on those brides’ face.

I even said this to my sister, “A bride is beautiful when she tried on her clothes, complete with those shoes and accessories, but it all goes downhill once her face is painted with makeup.” To which, all my cousins who were nearby agreed.

Cakey, cracked foundation, eyes that look as if someone punch you in the face, lips too pink for comfort, harsh contouring, especially on the nose, I can see it in everyone’s eyes that they dreaded their wedding day, if only for the disastrous makeup.

And makeup is supposed to make you feel beautiful, isn’t it?

I asked those makeup artists before, “Why don’t you use liquid instead of cream?”

Because in my opinion, liquids look more natural than cream on the skin. At least when compared to the cream foundation that they’re using.

Their answer was, “It wouldn’t last as long.”

Which is true, I suppose. In our humid and hot weather, foundation can melt very easily and it won’t do to have our bride lost her radiance as well as coverage. Plus, most of those female guests will wear makeup as well, and big possibility they’ll wear liquid foundation on that day, and we wouldn’t want the bride to look the same as the rest, do we? We want the bride to overpower them, don't we?

“Besides, it wouldn’t photograph as well as this.”

I don’t particularly think it photographs well either, it looks too cakey in pictures to bother me enough, but the foundation does give some sort of a bridal feeling to it, so I digress.

Another thing that irks me about this all is that they use a one color fits all.

If a person is fairer, she’s going to look orangey.

If a person is darker, she’s going to look grayish.

Okay, I kid. That’s only this one store. There’s this other store, where they actually have three. One for ultra fair, one for kind of dark, and one in between. Contouring and highlighting will alter the skin’s color anyway, so it doesn’t matter if the color doesn’t suit the bride all that much at first, because everything will be blended in and it would look normal.

At least normal by bridal standard.

But I don’t like how the fair ladies look orange. And the tanned ladies look grey. I just don’t.

So this is what I wish those makeup artists would do. And if I have the money, I would so do it, but alas, bridal makeup is not my career (or at least at the moment).

1. Invest in airbrush system
- okay so, I’m not sure how it’ll fair in Malaysian’s weather but I think it’s high time they try a new technology. I’ve seen people with airbrush makeup and while it looks quite dollish and surreal, it is smooth, brimming with radiance and not cakey at all. I think it’ll photograph well, after all, isn’t this what they use in those international fashion shows anyway? No? Okay scratch that I’m not even sure myself. :/ And if those makeup artists can afford thousands ringgit of brushes and a whole array of lipglosses then they for sure can at least buy a small airbrush kit. Hey if people loved your makeup they’ll contact you for your service, and if they really like it they'll recommend you to their friends and relatives, which means more profit for you, right?

2. Ultra long false eyelashes that could possibly touch your browbone
- Falsies are eyes opener. Yes I would agree but what do you call a broom on an eyelash? I don’t think you need such an exaggerated effect to appear lovely in pictures. I believe in subtle beauty and if it opens the eyes enough, and makes her look alive then I think it’s good. Save those kinds of falsies for runway, PLEASE.

3. Don’t force things to bride that could make them uncomfortable
- If they don’t want to shave their eyebrows then don’t, just hide it with foundation. If they refuse to wear falsies then just use a heavy duty mascara. After all, it is their pictures and if they aren’t pleased with that then at least you can be ensured that they are comfortable on their wedding day. My sister in law is farsighted, and on her wedding day, her makeup artist forced her to wear circle colored lenses that have no power at all. My SIL demanded to wear her own contact lenses but the makeup artist refused to hear any of it. She said it wouldn't be pretty that way. The results? She couldn’t see any of the guests, and has to rely on my brother to walk around. I really want to smack that makeup artist’s head but what I can do, I can only smack my own. And are her eyes really that pretty that day? Well they say if you’re happy then it’ll reach your eyes, sparkling with happiness. I can't say for sure. I didn't talk to her that day, she couldn't recognize me. Or rather, she couldn't see me.

4. Don’t draw lips so thin it’s creepy.
Imagine walking up to a bride and notice her drawn lips are half her original lips. Shudder. I understand the need to balance both the upper and lower lips, but all I’m thinking is that they have a pattern to follow and instead of enhancing their features, they are actually transforming the brides into everyone else. I don’t like that. And because of that...

5. Why couldn't they enhance the brides' features and make them look lovely yet still retain their original beauty instead of painting a completely new face on them?

By no means am I an expert. I’m just an observer who likes to observe stuff, who happens to like makeup and how it can sweeten up a person’s complexion. Yes, sweeten up, because I happen to think that people who have proper makeup can look very sweet and charming, exactly how they’re supposed to look like on their wedding day.

Many will probably beg to differ, and I apologize, but on behalf of my loved ones, I seriously wish everything could be changed, and in this era and time, brides will no longer look disastrous and scary, but instead, elegant or cute or whatever their features call for.

I'm still very bitter and scarred just from seeing my sister-in-laws makeup, and I can see that they obviously hated it very much. And the makeup is forever embedded in their wedding pictures.

I don't want anyone to feel that way ever again. Hence the post.

That is all, thank you for reading my rant. -.-

Smile smile smile~ :D

2011-09-27T01:01:00.000-07:00

It just occurs to me that even though I’m not as miserable as I once was years ago, my face still looks pretty darn gloomy, as if there are a handful of angry clouds on top of me.

I can probably understand that years back, because that is indeed my purpose, but now that I’m not projecting my miserable aura I thought I would at least look pleasant.

Turns out, not really. I saw those candid pictures of me and I look pretty angry or mellow most of the time. As if I have a problem. A problem with the world. This world we’re living in. If only it ends. That kind of problem.

I do used to have that kind of problem (with the world and the human race) but life’s too precious to worry about that.

When you’ve realized the actual reason behind that, everything suddenly makes sense.

Why I’m always the first one to say hi, why nobody really greets me unless I greet them first, why people look scared to talk to me unless I talk to them first, why they – oh shut it.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it if they act funny once they’ve talked to me. But they didn’t. They are all friendly and cozy and treat me just like they treat the next person. They just have a problem talking to me first. I blame it on my miserable aura.

So that’s why, when people talk to me first, I feel OH SO HAPPY.

But that’s such a rare thing I nearly lost hope on that.

Well, I used to lost hope. I used to not talk to people because they wouldn’t talk to me first. But you wouldn’t get anywhere if you keep on with that mindset. You will be forever alone, alone, alone in this world, alone with no social skills, or any skills, or potential knowledge you could gather, or juicy gossips, take your pick.

So now I’m thinking, I should look pleasant!

I should smile more. I’ve practiced that quite a lot in real life, but instead of looking like :), I instead look like :|.

Oh, but it earns me a couple of points with the aunties. As a result they asked about my wellbeing and included me in their chatters and that’s good I think.

Better than looking like :(, of course. XD <- the kind of face I want to make. Or this -> :D

But you’ll only see that as a smiley. :( Not gonna happen, not gonna happen.

(To be honest, I think I actually look like this -> D;<)

Next is to practice speaking! If I appear pleasant and charming enough in conversation perhaps they’ll greet me first the next time around (wishful thinking).

I find that most people with charming personalities have such a way with speaking that naturally grabbed people’s attentions. Be it with the warmth in their smiles that accompany their chatter, the sweetness of their expressions, or the animated way of their explanations, those are the qualities that to me, make it easy and fun to talk to them.

As for me, I am cold and sour and pokerfaced. :|

Maybe I should practice speaking. Not only will it help building up my social skills, perhaps it’ll benefit me in the long run. I do need to work in the future and probably will be meeting a lot of people which means I need to give a good impression of myself.

Of course, these skills should be developed naturally and shouldn’t be forced, and that is the biggest obstacles of them all – finding your inner charm that’ll charm people with your presence.

Oh the things that we do to satisfy those human beings. If they didn’t like us they’ll step over our head, if they like us they’ll probably manipulate our head.

But at least we try. And what’s better than to earn God’s blessing, by becoming a better you, by creating the world as a better place, by treating His other creations with respect, by being a good servant? :D

Let's flip the pan even though you don't have to really.

2011-09-23T08:27:00.001-07:00

As a standard Malaysian girl, you probably learn how to:

1. Cook sambal (onions, garlic, dried chilies, seasonings, sauces and meat of choice goodness)
2. Cook curry (milk/coconut milk and curry powder and brinjal and ocras and stuff)
3. Cook various soups (tomyam, singgang, although I suppose the latter is more of an East Coast thing)

You probably have no idea how to:

1. Cook omelet (although that might just be me)
2. Cook various egg recipes that don’t include sambal, curry, soups or all those jazz.
3. I just want to talk about egg recipes in this post, can you tell? XD

I’m all up for finding unique but simple recipes, and in my quest of finding new recipes to try to add in my list of expertise, I stumbled across this video.

Now bear in mind, I wasn’t attracted to the recipes, despite liking tomatoes and honey very very much.

It’s just that I don’t like eggs that much. But I still eat it, because as long as you’re still living you should eat anything that you’re allowed to eat just for the sake of it (and for the nutrition behind each bite, of course). Imagine those people who can’t eat it, be it for medical sake or lack of production, don’t you feel bless now? Yeah so don’t be picky.

Now. Eggs. Oh yeah! I was supposed to link this video in this post.

OH LOOK AT THAT HE FLIPS THE PAN!

…

I was attracted to the awesomeness that is flipping the pan. And the most logical way to try it is by flipping eggs. Or pancakes.

But I don’t like pancakes that much, and the recipe isn’t about pancakes in the first place, so eggs it is.

(Of course, if the recipe calls for pancakes, I’ll probably be doing that)

SO EGGS! YAY, FLIP FLIP.

And this is the result of my eggs flipping.

I must say it hurts my arms, a bit. Okay maybe not a bit – a lot. I blame it on my mother’s heavy pan. The first try, I can barely lift the eggs on air, but gradually I can make it shake a bit.

About the recipe, I think it’s an interesting combination. I followed the recipe pretty closely (omitted the spring onions because we don’t have that in our pantry) and it turns out quite similar, if I may say so myself. The ginger adds a tangy flavor to the eggs and tomatoes, really merges well with the tart taste of tomatoes, and the honey sweetens the tomatoes naturally you'd think the tomatoes really are overly sweet in the first place, and the salt completes the whole package. Really a nice recipe, I wouldn’t have expected that.

But then again, I don’t have a sweet tooth. My tooth, or rather tongue, likes sizzling stuff more, so this isn’t my cup of tea, really.

So my sister suggested that we add black pepper and Tabasco sauce and chopped fresh chilies.

And this is the result!

This time, I can really flip the eggs. I AM PROUD OF MY ACHIEVEMENTS. YUP YUP.

You can’t really see the chilies because we haven’t added them yet. It’s only after we tasted it that we realized it lacks the kicks we’re expecting so we added some of those later.

And it was umm for the lack of word…hot.

Well! I’m thinking of trying to flip sunny side eggs next time instead of scrambled eggs, because scrambled is too basic anyway, so my next goal is making an omelet. Because I don't like sunny side either. Not sure if I'd like omelet but you can put cheese in it and I happen to like cheese.

Here’s to eggs! Even though I'm well, not that fond of it. But I eat everything, just so you know. :D

Lovebirds

2011-09-23T04:12:00.001-07:00

Flashback three years ago and there was this little bird trying to build a nest on my air conditioner. The sad thing is that the surface is quite slippery and thus, no matter how hard the bird tried to make its nest stick, it just wouldn't keep in shape.

Often the twigs will make its way into my room, transforming the area around my window like a dried out jungle. -.- Sometimes I just didn't open the window so that I could escape from the mess. And I guess I did escape from it, because after that, the bird finally laid its egg, and as you probably expected it, the egg rolled over the air conditioner surface and broke on the floor.

If I'm not careful the egg just might make its way into my room, but really, poor bird and its egg. T_T

The end of the story is that the mother egg learned its lesson and decided to build a nest on my brother's room air conditioner. Seems like the surface isn't as smooth over there, judging by its successful breeding and such, and so the bird family live happily ever after, or at least I hope so. It's been three years since then and I no longer know where they are, or even noticed them to be honest.

People say that when birds build a nest at your house, it signifies good luck, but I can't attest to that. Although to be honest, most of my relatives who always have birds visiting them and living at their houses seem to have childrens who are millionaires and successful beyond words, so I guess perhaps that statement rings true. I mean, I'm not that successful either but who can believe my luck that I'll be able to come to Saudi and perform Hajj at a young age? Not that the bird's the sole reason for that, for most of the things come from God himself, but this birds thing is kind of fascinating.

But that's not the point of this post. What's the point of this post again? -.-

Oh yeah, well, we have birds over here too!

There used to be only one last year, and it's the noisiest thing alive HARHARHAR T_T

But now there's three, and that's triple noisy for you.

(another one is in the hole)

This place is weird. And by that I mean it's an empty place with no doors to get into, only windows, and even then, there's this net covering it, so you really can't get in there. And what's worse is that, some of the people who rent upstairs dried their clothes at the balcony, and often the clothes will fly away and fall into here. There's even a carpet in here. I have nothing to say to that.

Now that I went away for three months, I came back to notice that the bird has found two partners, had a lot of eggs but didn't bother to sit on it, and the area is filled with umm...shit. Yeah.

Not a terribly good view but what can you do. You just need to convince yourself that it is at the very least, fascinating. Which was what I'm trying to do right now. T_T

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Disciplining Yourself

2011-09-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

There are quite a lot of things that I find odd in this world (because well, I am normal and all of you are odd HAHAHA T_T).

And one of those is, doing something to improve your condition. By that I mean swallowing medicine.

Not sure if I’m just brought up this way with doctors and medicines and supplements and yucky things but whenever someone complains that they’re sick, but refuse to take their medicine, I felt the urge to sigh and shake my head.

How are you going to get better if you can’t even do that? I can’t help you if you can’t even discipline yourself. T_T

Same goes to those who want to be great at cooking or be a good Muslim but too lazy to go to the kitchen or study deeper into religion wait I can relate to that oh.

Disciplining yourself is hard, though. I’ve tried to memorize the Quran for years but I can never get really far. But I’m thinking that, if I myself couldn’t help myself, who will? It is for your own sake after all.

I won’t be an amazing cooker if I didn’t try to cook a proper meal all by myself.

I won’t be a good Muslim if I succumb to the whispers of the devils.

I won’t be good at the Arabic language if I stop studying. When you are your own teacher, things can get really tough, and the only way you can do it is to convince yourself that it is for your own good. So far I think myself is listening to me.

Another thing that’s odd is how good it felt to hear people speaking Arabic in Saudi dialect. I was in the plane yesterday and all those conversations around me is making me feel warm inside and I can’t really understand why. o.O

But all is well, you see I’ve made a goal last year, to understand completely what’s being said on TV by the third year.

Well, this year is the third year, and I must say I can’t really understand completely what was being said, but I think to understand about 70% of it is good enough.

It just means that I need to try harder, isn't it? T_T

Another good thing about learning Arabic (aside from understanding the Quran by its words and not by the translation) is hearing various religious talks by the Arab sheikhs. It is a feeling that I can’t quite describe, and well, not that I need to, but here’s a video by Meshari Al-Kharraz, one of my favorite sheikhs, complete with English subtitles. Happy watching. :D

Goodbye!

2011-09-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Leaving is always hard, especially when you have nothing as a force drive to make you flee the country.

To be honest, I have those. I have tons of those, but it still is hard to leave. As I sat here packing my things up, for the first time ever I’m not that thrilled to leave. Give me another week then maybe I’ll be more prepared, but now, it just feels so sudden, even though it’s not.

I have nothing in this house to fiddle with either. So why am I feeling this way? I’m going to be alone every day all the same, minding my own business.

It’s just that at least here, I know, even though I’m all alone, those who are close to me are still close enough to be stumbled upon, whereas over there, the percentage of that happening is actually very little.

But if I didn’t make a little sacrifice, I wouldn’t have a story to tell, would I? If you’re not brave enough, you won’t get anywhere, would you? Although I often wonder why do I always have to make the first move and not them, but at least I’ve made my goal. At least I created an impact, or something. I hope so.

So for the sake of our future, let’s man up, swallow the uneasiness and move forward for a better us. Everything will be okay, Insha Allah.

Goodbye Johor, goodbye Malaysia.

Hello Rabigh, hello Saudi Arabia.

I look forward to meeting you, no matter how dusty you’ve probably made my room into. :D

dot dot dot

2011-09-12T01:04:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been thinking, why do we always try to take their feelings into consideration, but they never return it quite the same? Why do we always watch what we say, but they easily talk trash about us in front of our face? And if we voice our discontentment? Another friendship ruined. Which would be fine, but what if they’re your family, no matter how distant they are?

The world would be a better place if people aren’t as selfish, would it?

I think that, everyone strives to be the best in what they do. I for one, don’t want people to take me the wrong way, I don’t want anyone to feel offended by my attitude. No need for the cold shoulders, just voice it right away. The sad part is that knowing we’ve done the nicest thing we could do, but there are still those tiny things that people are offended about, and you have no idea what it is.

I don’t think keeping it inside will save the problem. The colder you are, the more anxious we’ll be, because we thought we’ve done nothing wrong, but apparently not.

I’m not sure what to say about these people, those who judge and criticize. Just because someone isn’t as educated as you then it’s fine to take their opinions for granted. Just because you’ve tried everything in the world then people’s suggestions are automatically useless. At least take a look at their suggestions, take their feelings into considerations, heck, they are nice enough to suggest it to you in the first place then why do you have to turn them down? How would you know it won’t be suitable for you if you don’t actually take time to look at it in the first place?

But of course, there are tons of people in this world. Tons of people with different attitudes. You can’t expect them all to be the same, can you? Just because your mindset is like this, doesn’t mean that they share the same perspective.

But my greatest problem is that…please, just be nice. Don’t judge. Don’t freaking judge, okay? Fine, talk to others with greater education than yours truly, talk down on me, I don’t mind. It’s your lost, anyway.

Oh art, where art thou- uhh. o.O

2011-09-07T10:30:00.001-07:00

Lame title aside, I'll be completely honest and say that I'd rather look at a block of text than a block of...paint. There's just something enticing about the way authors expressing their mind with their colorful vocabulary, words strewn together, provoking various imaginations from person to person, which you could also probably do that with strokes and sketches in paintings. But my appreciation for art is so terribly low that it is nearly impossible to do so...kind of. Hence my lack of pictures in this blog. But I'm going to change that...soon. Not sure how soon is soon, but hopefully soon.

But I must admit that drawings has a much bigger appeal than boring little font. It's such an in-your-face thing - it grabs you on the spot and you don't even need to take your time reading through the long paragraph to have a grasp of the message. You can just glance over it and pass your judgment right here and there, which means that it's easier to get criticism right away; if it's interesting, it's interesting, if it's not, it's not.

Too bad my hands are so stiff they can't even draw a proper match man. Mr. Matchman can probably draw himself better. But I'm willing to change that! Soon. Umm yes soon.

As for now, though, I'm trying to get used to coloring, because supposedly I have a good sense of color (says my sister the animator) due to my grooming background (or something something).

Bear in mind I have zero experience coloring on paper, complete with shadings and whatnot. I've only painted people's faces, which is kind of different, maybe.

So this is my first attempt. I thought I'll draw...no I can't draw. I just let my hand carries me away (harhar), then I just colored it in.

And this is the finished product!

It's a...

It's a umm...

I think it's a turnip. Hey it kinda looks like a turnip! Yup yup it's a turnip.

(halfway through I thought I was drawing a potted plant...not sure how it turned into a turnip...or something)

Woot! I can't wait for my next nonsense drawing, can you? Next year I'm going to surprise my siblings by presenting my ultra-skillful masterpiece of a painting. Yup yup. And then they'll probably let me color their artwork. Yup yup. Yes I've always been pretty ambitious. I even wanted to be a tailor at some point. And pretty sure I thought it'll be nice if my profession is a personal shopper.

I really am easily distracted. Now to learn php so that another career path can open itself before me. :D You see, you really need to do everything you could to survive in this cruel world, so as you can see, I'm doing it! I'm doing it! :D

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Selamat Hari Raya, Selamat Pengantin Baru

2011-09-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe that all my brothers are married now, but there you go.

But of course, I didn’t appear in a lot of photos that day, since I don’t feel so good anyway (which is like, 90% of the time).

Then again, I appear in zero photos at my eldest brother’s wedding (or one, can’t recall it exactly) because I feel kind of bad (which is like, 5% of the time?).

Anyhow, it’s that time again when you look back at those pictures and couldn’t see yourself that you started thinking where on earth were you and if you were actually standing on earth in the first place.

Well maybe I wasn't. 8D

I’ll update this post with pictures once those are ready, but for the mean time, I’ll tell you why it’s a pretty interesting wedding.

Martial arts, yay! Haven’t seen it in a wedding reception for ages, most of the time it’s just little kids dancing the traditional dance here in Johor, which I like very very very much, mind you.

Live traditional music! Here it’s usually just a live band with keyboards and guitars playing evergreen songs that I kind of dislike very very very much, mind you.

Funny thing (to me, to them, maybe it’s annoying) is that the makeup artist ran away from the reception to groom another client elsewhere, leaving the bride with clothes and tiara and smudged makeup that she expected her to be able to tend to it herself. What a load of cheese. The good thing is that I can be in charge and help her with the wedding apparels, which I’ve been missing doing it for ages! I’ve forgotten how fun it is to touch up a person’s face and help them with their tiaras. ^__^

And this is it. Nothing will be the same anymore. They have their own families now, and I have my own, and they’ll be exactly like my parents, and I’ll be on my own. It’s the never-ending cycle of life.

But that’s how it is. Soon enough they’ll feel what my parents always feel about them, and slowly, but certainly, I see it now, my parents are experiencing what their parents had experienced and talked about them (because I like to hear what people talk instead of talking myself).

It’s interesting to see how the young generation talks about the elder generation that way, about them becoming senile, about them and their swaying moods, about them and their spontaneous attitude, when they’ll become exactly like them one day.

Then they’ll understand, but they couldn’t now, not when they haven’t experienced it yet, could they?

Oh well.

I have no Eid pictures this year. Because I feel terrible (5% of the time).

And when I feel terrible, everyone will feel terrible. Because my mood (or rather, condition) is infectious. 8D

What makes it even more terrible is that I have to pretend that I’m actually just feeling not so good that day, which requires a lot more effort than you can imagine.

But I think I have a great Eid this year. Compared to last year, which I spent at McDonalds. And the year before that, which I spent in my room, like any other day (but it’s my first in Saudi so it pawns everything) and the one before that, which was at The Curve (a shopping mall). o.O

I have no idea what kind of post this is but I thought I should blog again.

Time to learn php and coloring for the sake of my future (or lack of). See you later. 8D

sakura for you~!

2011-03-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

I really, really want to blog, but I don't have enough time nowadays. That's so weird.

I couldn't even catch up with people's blogs anymore, but once all these works are over, I'll blog properly.

For the time being, I present to you the song that I've often sang to myself during orientation week when I was sixteen because sitting in the hall doing nothing was boring. Kind of. Oh, and I'm an obsessed fangirl. Can't you tell? :D

This is one of the prettiest songs in the whole wide world, in my absolutely honest opinion.

Okay now I'm going to resume my work, have a good day~ :D

ah sakura mankai~ nee sakura mankai~ *sigh*

should I cry?

2011-03-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

I’ve been quite busy these last few days, thinking of worldly matters.

And by worldly matters, I actually mean the world in my head.

Definitely hard work, that, and my head’s began to hurt a little bit. I’ve had it all planned out but to see it in action is another thing to consider.

But I’ll do my best. It is my hobby after all, fiddling with the world in my head. :)

I’ll write about it if my head’s world actually goes somewhere. lol

On another note, my heart’s kind of aching as well.

See, my heart wasn’t broken by a person or anything, but I was watching a drama, and I thought, “Oh that’s so sad.”

I’m not the type who’ll cry while watching a sad movie either, in fact, I don’t understand those who prepare boxes of tissues prior to watching a movie and actually finished every single sheet of them.

But I guess I was too absorbed in this particular story and characters, and I found myself continuously wondering, “Oh he is…oh she is…oh that is just so sad. Why is it so sad?”

It’s like there’s a huge lump in my throat, and I always feel sad for some reason, and my heart aches terribly, and the soundtrack keeps playing in my head, and I can’t take the characters off my mind.

What, should I cry or something?

Oh wai argh gah I NEVER CRY WATCHING A FICTION STORY. D: JUST BECAUSE IT’S NOT REAL. D:

if only...everyday...is a happy day.

2011-03-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

A picture tells a thousand words, and I figure I shouldn’t write more than a couple words.

This picture affected me greatly, and watching the news has never been so unpleasant.

Not that news in general is usually pleasant but what’s with the situation in Libya, Bahrain and Japan to name a few, don’t you feel like basking in some sunshine and happiness?

But even if we’re not being haunted with traumatizing dilemma in our lives, none of us are excluded from minor problems here and there.

And if we’re not careful, the problem could ruin our lives, like the wreckage you saw in that picture above, the difference being that it’s invisible and could only be felt by the bearer of the problem.

No one can see the shattered pieces in your heart as clearly as the wrecked buildings above. No one will lend you any help because they didn’t know, they wouldn’t know unless you tell them so, but then what?

I just think that, even if the invisible wreckage is too much for us to bear, we still have everything necessary to keep on living. Our land is still peaceful, our food and water is still easily available and safe to be consumed, the air is still clean from dangerous particles, our shelters are always here whenever we crave for it desperately.

To me, even if we’re dying inside a little day by day, physically we are far from that. And I am highly grateful for that.

To them, even if everything seems to have flown away from their grasp, at least they still have their lives. But you know, I’ve never experienced anything similar to what they’ve been through, and I can’t comment on that. I don’t know how they really feel at this moment, to see gunshots in front of their eyes, the remains of their houses scattering on earth, corpses lying on the road…I really don’t. And that’s what makes it more depressing.

I’ll just say this – cherish whatever you have before they slip away from your hands. If earthquake and hurricane victims could rebuild their lives from scratch, what does that say about us?

Let’s look forward and find the solution to our problems. No matter how long it’ll take, let’s keep on trying. No matter how sad or dull a day is, let's find something that'll improve the day, making it become better. Let’s untangle the knots in our head. Let’s be frank to each other, so that we can have a bit of peace in our mind, no misunderstanding anymore, okay? Okay.

I’ll do that Insya Allah.

P/S: Seems like I did write more than necessary. But I’ve always been a fan of words, even though my words are not that beautiful most of the time. :D

And to be honest this post doesn't make any sense. I'm not even sure anymore, but. Umm. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!

Scents of the Middle East #2

2011-03-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

(Previous rambling can be found here)

I love to lurk/stalk people’s blogs/forums/other places.

In fact, I’ve been lurking this particular forum for the past six years, every single day without fail, and I’ve only regularly commented there a few months ago.

I wonder how it’ll be six years later. Will I continue my six year streak of continuous lurking, or will I forget about it altogether? Hmm.

I lurked the forum again just now. I JUST LOVE THE FORUM.

(I shall not tell you what that forum is because then you’ll know which member is me)

(I’m not creative enough in the art of nickname creations six years ago GAH x.x)

Anyway...MIDDLE EAST’S SCENTS!

I like to lurk Hawaa World for that purpose. From there, I've learned that,

1. They like to burn incense for their houses.
2. They have their own special blends.
3. They have their own special methods of applying perfume.
4. They like perfumes. They probably couldn’t live without perfumes. And they have all kinds of perfume. Perfumes in super duper pretty lovely gorgeous beautiful bottles.

Yes they are THAT pretty. :D

I’d often find myself, gawking at the perfume bottles in this store…

But then I’d hop to Centerpoint and look at these empty bottles instead.

Cute things weaken my knees.

You can definitely buy a whole lot of perfumes and incenses from stores such as Arabian Oud, but surprisingly, most of the people in Hawaa World prefer to use the cheap yet reliable incense from their local market instead. You can get all of those in all kind of brands for under SR20 in markets, whereas in nice stores like above, the average price for their incenses is SR200 (or so I’ve been told. Or maybe they showed me the most expensive ones, I wouldn’t know).

Anyhow, I was at Medina’s market, pestered by merchants, like always, when they sprayed tons of cheap perfumes on me that I thought I was going to pass out right there right then. So I tried to divert their attentions by pointing at a bowl of coals, and that was then they introduced me to bokhoor/bo5or/بخور aka incense.

They then began to smear a whole lot of mukhallat/mu5ala6/مخلط aka mixtures on my hands. Mu5ala6 are those that you should keep an eye on if you wanted to buy nice perfumes in gorgeous bottles as souvenirs.

Here's how they look like in the pamphlet.

They are prettier in real life, though.

Unfortunately, those people must’ve sprayed me with tons of perfume already, and those smeared fragrant oils made my hands sticky, and not to mention my nose was kind of stuffy, so when I tried to smell the mu5ala6, those mu5ala6 in gorgeous bottles…

I can’t smell a thing.

*pissed pissed*

I only smelt something icky and that was me.

*annoyed annoyed*

In the end, I didn’t buy any of those mixtures, but truthfully, I’m lemming for it. Seriously lemming for it.

The average prices for those mixtures are SR50. Keep that in mind, and if you’re highly skilled in the art of haggling I’m sure you can get it at a much lower price.

But now let’s talk about bo5oor.

I use bo5oor efra7. It's REALLY nice.

I encourage you to watch this first! In this video, he demonstrated how to wear the fragrance. I'll supply the minutes below, and you just have to fast-forward the clip according to the time. :D

Here’s Ustath Tareq, explaining about the magical world of perfume and incense. Apparently (and PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong) if you want to make sure your fragrance smells the best and lasts all day, you can;

Mix it with dehen oud. Dehen oud (oud oil?) is an extract from the oud’s branch. There are all kinds of dehen ouds, if it’s from an Indian store then its extract is from the Indian’s oud. If it’s from a Malaysian store then it is extracted from Malaysia’s oud. You can mix it with mu5ala6 or your Parisian perfumes. It’ll smell special, and nothing will smell like it.

…we have oud in Malaysia? I thought those are imported from the middle east lololol :P

~~And in Malaysia, people associate incense with witches, no? :P~~

1:40 How they’d wear the dehen oud (and mu5alla6 too I suppose). Aside from putting it on your pulse and behind your ears, you can also put a small amount of water on your palms, mix it with the dehen oud and apply it on your hair. Or for guys, on your 3’etra/shma3’.

Would it stain? It wouldn’t, he said, because we’ve mixed it with water. It’s fine for shma3’ but for clothes, that’s a different story.

2:38 Now he’s spraying the perfume. He might’ve used half of the bottle for all I know. o.O

5:16 Now he’s burning the incense and letting it seep into his clothes. His advice; you should put on your perfume first, after showering and wearing your clothes, then burn the bo5oor. Some people wear their perfume before wearing their clothes, or the clothes themselves aren’t clean, and those are some of the reasons why the fragrance doesn't smell as lovely. Clean clothes are important to make sure that the perfume smells good, and it shouldn’t be applied on the clothes that you’ve worn this morning either. And remember, apply perfume first, then burn the incense.

But according to a novel I read, the character burned the incense, put it under her clothes, while perfuming at the same time.

And another person in the forum said that to make sure that the clothes will smell great all day, you need to;

1. Smoke out the clothes
2. Spray some perfume on it
3. Hang it in the closet
4. Let the burner rests under it
5. Put a fresh batch of oud/bo5oor on the burner
6. Close the closet, and poof! Foolproof clothes that will certain to tickle people’s nostrils all day.

All kinds of method, to each of their own, I suppose. I didn't follow their methods, though.

This is my burner! I use the electric one so you only need to plug it in and you wouldn’t need candles or matches or stuff like that.

Put some of the incense in, and wait for it to burn.

Tada! Whoa. And no, it doesn’t smell as pretty yet. It smells like regular smoke. Can you see me coughing?

Come on, scents! Get into my shaila! lol No I don't think you're supposed to do it like this.

What I did is, I hung my clothes in the room, let the incense burned for a couple of minutes, took of the plug, closed the door…

And after a while, the smoky smell will magically transform into something so earthly sweet.

And your clothes will smell exactly like it. It wouldn’t be as strong if you follow my method though. In fact, you can barely smell it unless you put your nose close to it, but that’s good enough for me. After all, I just did that for a hint of scent, for a bit of freshness, and this is exactly what I wanted.

The incense – if you’re using it solely to fragrance the house – will only last for one day. Then again, I use the cheap one from the market, and from what I heard, if you buy the more expensive one, the Arabian Oud for example, it’ll last for days.

You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. That's probably true.

But it’s okay. The effect on the clothes lasts for weeks so I’m greatly satisfied by it.

*sniff my shaila* Aaaah…

*sniff sniff* Aaaah…

Thank you for reading, now let me hug myself. :D

Scents of the Middle East #1

2011-03-18T04:59:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy from here)

I live in an apartment.

Sometimes, I'll sit in the living room watching TV, and then my neighbor would pass by my house and his PERFUME WILL FILL IN THE ROOM. O.O

And then another neighbor will leave his house and again my house will be intoxicated by his perfume.

The strange thing is that, I might not know for sure how my neighbors look like (I'M SORRY but it's hard to recognize people when they're wearing the same thing ;__; Not to mention they cover their head too so it's hard to see their faces), but I recognize their perfumes anywhere.

(caution: this post is leaning towards creepiness…you’ve been warned)

It happened! I saw this person and said, “Hey he smells like this neighbor.”

And then my father will say, “He is that neighbor.”

See what I mean by ‘recognizing the smell’? (creepy alert)

But it does seem as if Arab people in general like to drench themselves, their families, and even their homes, in perfume.

Whenever I go to their houses, there’ll be this certain fragrance wafting around the air, relaxing my senses. It wasn’t cloying, nor was it headache-inducing – it was far from that, it was simply, refreshing and uplifting. And plain awesome if I may add.

Though I don’t think I need to fragrance my house anyway, since my neighbors with their ultra strong perfume have already done such a great job at it already.

But the odd thing is, even if they’ve been working outside for hours, they'll still smell fresh and clean. No matter the time, broad daylight or the darkest hour of the night, the perfume still stays strong. Even when they were buying fish, they’d still smell as if they’ve just returned from a wedding reception.

Or maybe they did. But every single night? And every single one of them? Orz

My father would go to the mosque and came back smelling as if he’d gone to the perfume store instead. And then the entire house will smell like a perfume factory, and we’ll be like, “What is that smell?!”

Okay maybe I was exaggerating a bit. Maybe not the entire house, just the places that my father has graced his presence with.

But there was this time, when a student of my father gave him a shmagh/shma3’/ghetra/3’etra, this thing by the way,

(picture stolen from here)

which smelt like OH MY GOD YA ALLAH MASHA2 ALLAH WHAT IS THIS SMELL??!

I wouldn’t be surprised if the 3’etra was drenched in perfume oil for 100 days. It just smelt too strong. TOO strong. TOO STRONG!

I’m not kidding, the fragrance even found its way towards my room, seeping into my furniture and we were all like, “Okay the head’s kind of aching right now.”

Insane. We kept the 3’etra inside our closet and the rest of our clothes smelt like it. It was really phenomenal.

Because I’d spray some Parisian perfume on myself and it didn’t last as long as that at all.

Weird, weird, weird. And I’ve only talked about the men’s side of perfume, how about the women?

Generally women – though there are a few who don’t follow the rules, and they usually wear Parisian perfume if my nose’s not mistaken, and Parisian perfumes are kind of cloying if applied too much – don’t wear perfume as loud as the men. They might occasionally smell just as lovely as their other half, but in public, where you’ll be meeting tons of strangers and have to mix with men, they’ll make sure their fragrance wouldn’t stand out as much. Just a tiny bit to freshen up, and that’s it.

Of course you’d know that if you wear a strong perfume, it’ll attract unnecessary attention, and unnecessary attention is not something we’d terribly need in our lives.

That, and women aren’t allowed to wear such strong perfume outdoors anyway.

Indoors, now that’s a different story. I’d meet my Arab friends and they’d give me a greeting hug and pecks on the cheeks and all I’d think of is, “Aaaaah. Oooooh. Ah please keep on embracing me.”

CREEPY ALERT CREEPY ALERT!

I was almost tempted to ask about their fragrance but I just can’t bring myself to do that. Maybe I don’t think it’s appropriate? Maybe I’m too shy? Malu bertanya sesat jalan? Too shy to ask? Then prepare to be lost! Muahahaha yeah that’s the meaning of that sentence. Minus the laughing part of course.

Perhaps the reason that the question never seems to be able to see the light of the day is because I’ve asked a gazillion questions to them before, like where did you buy your abaya oh and what eyeliner are you using and how to bake these cookies and how do you wrap your shaila and where’s your favorite coffee shop and OH NO YOUR HUSBAND’S GIVING YOU THE EYE HE WANTS TO GO NOW ok then BYE BYE. ;___;

People and their early marriage. /rant

Anyhow, in the end, I did find the answer. ~~I'll talk about it in another post. :D~~

(read the continuation here)

When Spring Comes

2011-03-17T01:31:00.000-07:00

When Spring Comes is one of the Korean dramas that my father strangely adores. If he likes something, he will extremely like it, and when he completely likes it, he likes to annoy me with it, and when he annoys me like that, I’ll be extremely annoyed, because he completely likes it. I don’t know.

“What are you watching? When Spring Comes?”

“No…”

“Is that the actor in When Spring Comes?!”

“No.”

“He looks like that actor in When Spring Comes.”

“…no.”

“When Spring Comes is better than this thing.”

*refrain from saying no*

Do you know what comes when spring comes?

The wind. And in a way, my father was acting like a wind. The wind won’t go easy on you, and won’t let you ~~watch~~ walk in peace.

I will try my best to walk towards the wind but it will always push me back. No matter, I won’t let this pesky wind blow me away HAIYAAAACK!!!

Most of the time, I OWNED THE CRUEL WIND. OH YEAH.

But there were times when the wind couldn’t handle my cockiness and decided to overthrow me with its power. I’d walk and I couldn’t. I’d walk and if I’m not careful, I will be blown away for real. The only solution is to walk backwards.

Dear wind, you are so cruel to me the humankind.

And the wind was not particularly cooperative yesterday.

We were in the car when the wind pushed it so hard I was momentarily scared. Any stronger and it’ll topple the car over, I’m sure of that.

But first, let’s look at these cute goats!

Okay forget the cute white and black goats. Look at the road!

This moment made me realize how lucky/blessed I am to be riding a car and not a camel. Can you imagine people back then journeying with their camels, across the mountains while struggling with the sandy wind?

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. Well I suppose I was. You won’t see anything but sand and mountains and random animals and a whole lot of sun throughout the way, and you’ll only see a bit of technology when you’ve arrived at the city. But it is an interesting view to be honest; the nothingness certainly calms the mind. And to see people stopping their cars and praying on the sandy ground since there are no buildings whatsoever (there’s an occasional mosque or two, but most of the time, you won’t find any, let alone a toilet) is an amusing sight to be held.

Lonely trees, how depressing. If you’re wondering why the picture is so blurry, well don’t point your fingers at my camera, it’s because there was a sandstorm occurring right at that moment!

Exactly. Sandstorm, and for some reason, the blown sands resemble ocean’s waves.

The sandstorm wouldn’t be as extreme whenever the mountains were on its path. Probably because their role as the earth’s defense team intimidated those sands a bit.

“We won’t let you through, wind,” said the mountains. *cue in evil laughter*

It was a bizarre experience to be sitting in your car and watching the sand coming at you like ~~wild snakes~~ ocean’s wave. It almost felt as if I was in a ferry and looking at the deep sea. The only difference is that there were no jellyfish.

Jellyfish, jellyfish! I saw them a lot whenever I rode a ferry so I kind of got sick of them. And kind of scared. What if I were to fall into the sea and those jellyfish-

The camera failed to capture the waves properly but if you squint really hard then you’ll see a trace of sand snake creepily slithering towards you.

Long story short, sandstorm is kind of scary. So let’s cleanse your sandy eyes with a photo of the beach!

Don’t let this serene view of nature fool you, though. The scenery might look peaceful and all but I was currently battling with the wind in order to capture just one picture.

*ran towards the wind*

*wind pushed me back*

*yaaaaah!!!*

*pushed me back easily*

I’m a weak human being.

And no, the wind wasn’t being unfair to just the human beings. Even the birds, who worked hard to go across the sea, failed to fly anywhere beyond this point. Poor bird, they’ll fly towards the sun, and the wind will push them over. Fly again, and push them over.

I can relate to them, because the wind did exactly the same thing to me! lol

But the thing that worries most of the people here isn’t the wind, it’s the cloud. Look how thick it is? Yeah, you’ll rarely see such a cloudy sky like this here. Everyone is preparing now, preparing for the rain, for the flood, for their houses to be drowned. Everything’s been postponed. Fieldtrips, any trips, trips to the park. You better stay at home than being lost in the rain and stuck in a place and can’t go home because of the flood like many people did months ago.

So yes, rain, more or less, is a sensitive issue over here. A desert that never experiences rain more than once a year is faced with constant raining every few weeks. There’s definitely something weird going on with the world right now, isn’t it? Being patient is the only thing we could do right now, and it’s not as if waving a white flag will prove useful to us or anything.

The weather looks nice today though, so I’ll be going out now. Until next time, bye bye :)

Food in KSA - Mahalabiya

2011-03-15T10:53:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been to a store, saw a weird-looking/sounding food and thought, “I MUST TRY THIS! WHOA!”

Only to come back home and realize that it was just a simple vanilla pudding.

Or, you went to Saudi Arabia, specifically Mecca and Medina, and saw a pair of elderly looking at the food while muttering, “Ape kejadahnye mahalabiya ni?”

I’m almost tempted to translate that to “What the hell is mahalabiya?” Oh wait I just did.

“Haram jadah!” And then they’ll laugh. “Orang ingat kita sebut haram jadah nak gi Haram Jeddah.”

Haram jadah – some sort of playful curse words, usually used by the elderly. Maybe. The direct meaning of that is, hmm…bastard?

7aram and Jeddah – Mecca and Jeddah (cities in KSA)

I used to see a lot of taxis in the cities back then (not so much nowadays), yelling the places they’ll drive you to, for example, “El-7aram! Jeddah! El-7aram! Jeddah!”

(I just have to write the ‘h’ in 7aram as 7 because Haram actually means pyramid, and I don’t want other people to be confused, you see)

And those elders will snicker and say, “Haram jadah. Haha haram jadah.”

It was weird, indeed it was. 8D

Where was I? Oh yeah food! Why did I talk about taxis all of a sudden?

Anyway, usually I would pop in and say, “Tu dadih je kot makcik…”

Oh yeah, that’s just a normal pudding, auntie.

“Dadih? Haram jadah betullah.”

:D

It's great to actually know what to eat and what you probably don't want to eat, isn't it? Oh and don't thank me, just remember me in your prayer, I'm sure you will.

(HARHARHAR)

Mahalabiya – مهلبية – pudding

(I can’t find a photo of a store-made mahalabiya (!!!) so I nicked the photo from here)
(I’ll update this if I bought another one of these, of course)

How does it taste like?

It’s a milk and rice pudding. You can expect it to be quite tasteless (strictly my opinion) but the one that I ate was vanilla flavored so it wasn’t too bad. There are tons of better puddings on the market, though. And it won’t fill your stomach. Of course, it’s just a dessert after all. Don’t expect it to be something awesome and will completely satisfy your stomach though because it really won’t. You’ll be extremely disappointed like this certain person. You’re looking at one. Yeah the one who types this yeah there she is.

“JUST A PUDDING WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…” wailed endlessly.

Should you try it?

Depends on you really but it’s not that special to be honest.

I don’t know what to say anymore. This thing is really plain.

But give it a go, sometimes your mouth would crave something soft and fresh after constantly being shoved with sugary and spicy stuff. I’d rather think it’ll be nice on a hot day. And it’s hot in this part of the world every single day (okay it might rain once in a while but that’s rare.)

The next food might be a bit more interesting, so look forward to that. :)

The Adventure of an Abaya-tripping Kid in a Supermarket

2011-03-13T04:33:00.001-07:00

You know how odd of a day it'll be if your mother suddenly decided to treat you to an ice cream;

~~(this reminds me…I HAVEN’T TAKEN THE ICE CREAM PIC FROM MY DAD YET! I’ll update this when I’ve got the pic haha :P)~~

TADA~!

Please tilt your screen 360 degrees if you want to discover the name of the ice-cream shop. Ooh exciting!

Okay fine I'll save you trouble of troubling yourself due to me not wanting to trouble myself by fixing the photo properly by telling you the name myself.

Mini Melts! Honestly I’ve never eaten this before. Then again I haven’t eaten a lot of things in my life.

Yup not even the meat of a camel. Although that could sound a tad disturbing to some people, I suppose. But the only question that people often ask me when I returned to Malaysia was, "Have you eaten camel's meat?" Too bad the answer always sounded like this, "...hey I've drank camel's milk!"

Anyhow, the mini melts must’ve cracked/frozen my brain or something, or perhaps triggered the weird side of me, because out of a sudden, I felt like dancing and overreacting and jumping and speaking Malay without restrictions in a shopping mall, in true Malaysian fashion. Yup.

Not that I know any Malaysian who acts like me. Not that I know a lot of Malaysians either. Have you perhaps, acted like me before? No? Okay.

It’s just my luck though that that day, that particular day, out of all the days in the calendar, that day is the day where I almost always consistently nearly (sorry for the extreme excessiveness, but feel my pain!) tripped on my new-too-long abaya and accidentally clicked the low resolution on my camera phone.

Boo at least I have the pictures.

So indeed, the pictures are small. Indeed, the pictures are awful. But still, better than nothing!

(My digital camera kinda sucks and attracts too many unwanted attention due to its attractive icy blue color *seductive isn’t it?* so I resorted to using the camera phone instead)

(But I do love my camera phone better than the digital camera anyway)

The victim for that day was;

(Look the trolley is made in France! I’m excited already.)

Al-Danube Supermarket, located in Red Sea Mall – which, in my opinion, is one of the most high-class malls in Jeddah – is an unbelievably large supermarket that sells loads of stuff, ranging from beautiful jewelry (too bad I don’t have a picture of the jewelry section, but this is how one of the jewelries looks like;

Pretty. It's a bangle by the way. I could have taken this picture with my digicam but it probably was mad at my blunt confession that I love camphone than 'it', so it wouldn't switch on for me. In short, the battery's flat. Oh! I haven’t closed the bracket yet! Okay wait) to scrumptious breads, hot from their bakery, filled completely with foreigners and Arabs who look like they’re loaded with cash.

But meh…I don’t know.

I don’t know. You see, this mirror is perhaps a couple inches shorter than me. But the mirror is TINY. Ironic how I capitalized that word. But the mirror is TINY I can barely see my pores. (lies) Okay I can barely see the edges of my hijab.

But these are cute, don’t you think? I kind of wish I was actually in a Willy Wonka store and you can actually eat these cups/plates/thingies.

And I love these Arabic cups! Whenever I went to my Arab friends’ house I’ll study their cups and they’ll give me weird looks (mostly their younger sisters/brothers) which makes me want to give them an equally weird look but I digress.

I said to my mother, “WE NEED TO BUY THIS. AT LEAST ONCE. I MEAN ONE. MUST. LAAZEM. MESTI. MUST.”

And then I think we went to the second hand shop and saw a lot of these but they all smelt so strongly of qahwa – Arabic coffee.

I love qahwa. My family don’t. Okay my father kind of does.

I get giddy just by staring at the smooth, glossy surface. Yeah I don’t get this fascination either.

I went to this store with an aunt’s son once, he’s four, and he was eating cotton candy, and I said, “LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE! I’VE TOLD YOU NOT TO BE MESSY!” And then he was like, “THAT’S NOT ME!!!”

Umm…lol?

They have an entire aisle of shampoos, it’s insane! But they didn’t have Asience nor Ba-Wang, unfortunately. :P

A whole section dedicated to tissues! Okay not that surprising fine.

Toothpastessssssssssssss! Surprised now? :P

Rice…I love rice. Don’t we all? You don’t? Okay I don’t like basmati rice either. Jasmine rice all the way.

BUT I LOVE ME SOME OLIVE OIL! It’s my staple in life.

All kind of cooking oils too, but none of those are palm oils. Compare it to Malaysia…excuse me I need to giggle.

Things that you need to know about shopping in Saudi Arabia – the stores will close whenever it’s prayer time. If it’s a normal store, you’ll be chased out from the store like a cat. If you’re in the midst of paying, yeah you’ll need to continue your paying AFTER praying.

If you’re in a supermarket?

YOU’LL BE LOCKED IN FOREVER MUAHAHAHA. Yeah. If you feel the need to use the ladies room, well, you can’t.

I was there in another supermarket that one day (Panda is Hyper Market, no I mean HyperPanda Market, you know, the one with the apple logo. Where’s the panda anyway?), waiting for the door to open, and when it did, do you know what happened?

Tons of people were at the other side, waiting to ambush into the store. Felt like I was in an airport, and a whole lot of people were waiting for people’s arrival.

And I can’t get out because all of them wanted to get it! Wah lau need to use the toilet some more. (grumbling in Manglish)

Okay, enough reminiscing.

Who am I kidding? This entire post consists of reminiscing! :P Anyway, back to the supermarket.

Healthy drinks for a healthy you. Can’t say it’s THAT healthy for your pocket.

All kinds of teas yet the only type that we drink are…

These yellow Lipton teas. Why can’t we drink Twinning for a change? x.x

An entire section dedicated to pasta…but it tastes just the same, anywhere, everywhere, anytime.

But I must say their frankfurters (as well as burgers and nuggets) taste a whole lot better than the ones we have in Malaysia. You can actually taste the meat, it’s more satisfying, and how come Malaysia got the short end of the stick in everything? I CAN’T EVEN-

CHOCOLATES! Even their chocolates taste better than ours. You can ACTUALLY taste the chocolate, ours tasted like sugar and some artificial flavor, how is that even possible I CAN’T EVEN-

This is their bakery! Isn’t it pretty? Yeah bad camera phone, it doesn’t capture the beauty of the bakery properly. *smacks phone*

One of the great things about this country. The juices. The thirst-quenching juices. Endless supply of juices. Fresh, all kind of fruits juices. Juices, I’ll miss you a lot FOR SURE.

Oh hello there, fruits.

WHOA! What are you? This is – if I’m not mistaken – the fruit of the cactus. I’ve never eaten that before but some of my friends had. Apparently it’s good.

And these are…these. What are these again? Oh yeah, packed vegetables. I think.

All kind of CEREALS. I’m going insane. Can I take all of them? No? Okay.

Can I just take a box? Yes? Yay!

What? You want to pay NOW? I need to be fast? Okay, I’ll choose one, FAST!

…

Do you know what cereal I took back home in the end?

Frosties. FREAKING FROSTIES.

…

At least I still have food. Think of those who don’t even know how cereals tasted like. Okay, okay, I’m very grateful that I can even eat Frosties.

Still…

I like rice better.

I really do, okay? :D

Let's Make a Difference

2011-03-13T01:47:00.000-08:00

I was reading a discussion about Japan’s earthquake and tsunami in a forum when I saw a post that sounded something like this;

I’m bothered by those who say that praying is the only thing that’ll work, or everything that’s happened has been described in the Bible! No, you can’t help the world by just praying. Even if you gather a church full of people, it’d be useless. Everyone who’s realistic would know that only money will help them. Not God, not praying, but money. Give money if possible, and help them if you’re near them, then you’ll make a difference, then the victims will be grateful.

Since the post decided to tackle the whole religion issue, I should’ve countered with a religious point of view as well, shouldn’t I?

وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمۡ أَنفِقُواْ مِمَّا رَزَقَكُمُ ٱللَّهُ قَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ ڪَفَرُواْ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓاْ أَنُطۡعِمُ مَن لَّوۡ يَشَآءُ ٱللَّهُ أَطۡعَمَهُ ۥۤ إِنۡ أَنتُمۡ إِلَّا فِى ضَلَـٰلٍ۬ مُّبِينٍ۬

And when it is said to them, “Donate with what sustenance Allah has provided you,” Said the disbelievers to the believers, “Should we feed those whom if Allah, if He wills, would feed him (himself)?” Verily, you are clearly misled.
(Surah Yaseen (36) Verse 47)

I personally thought that if praying is the only thing we can do, then it’s fine to encourage others to do the same. At least we still have the victims in our minds. But I get where the poster is coming from; too many influential and rich people kept on preaching about their religion and the need to pray for the victims yet they didn’t do anything physically. They are able to donate a small amount of their fortune yet it didn’t seem like they did such a thing. They only kept on preaching about praying, praying, praying.

Then again they might donate privately, who knows what a person really do behind closed doors? Do you? I don’t. Do you know what your sister always did in front of her computer? Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. So don’t judge.

Too many people take the whole praying thing for granted, hoping for a miracle to suddenly appear in their lives.

Sometimes you just won’t get that miracle. Sometimes you will, but most of the time, you won’t. The only thing you can do is pray for a little guidance, a little blessing, and work your way upwards.

If you can get rich just by sitting in the mosque, praying all day long, then perhaps, if God’s willing, there’ll be a rich person who suddenly gives you his fortune.

But what’s the odd in that? Wouldn’t the fortune taste better, be cherished better, if you earned it by your own hands, by your own hard work? No doubt praying all day long is hard work as well, but if you only did that for a mere penny then you’re taking the whole praying thing out of context.

Same could be said to me I suppose. If I suddenly was cured from whatever it was instantly, won’t I be taking my recovery for granted? If I work hard to find my remedy, patiently waiting for the remedy to give its effect, wouldn’t I cherish the whole outcome better?

Praying, even if just a little, give us hope. Hope to move on, hope that everything will be okay, hope that we’ll be able to overcome all of this. Who else could we turn to when we need a little optimism, assurance and peace? What can you do when you don’t have that sense of optimism, assurance and peace? You’d probably think this life is useless and there’s no need for you to breathe in it anymore. Been there done that.

So pray, ask for your God’s blessing, but don’t forget to do your role as well. Pray that they’ll be able to adapt to the situations well, pray that they’ll have a peace of mind, the ability to move on, that everything will be easier from now on, but do your role too to ensure that they’re well-supported physically and mentally if you’re able.

And for us who can’t contribute money and support, we can only do one thing, and that is to pray that they’ll be alright.

Thoughts DO count. It makes you happy when people send you birthday messages, get-well-soon notes, and any other things, showing their love to you, don't you? Same with the victims, they’d be happy to hear that other people still care about them, have the best of thoughts for them, and it’s enough to make them able to stand up again.

Caring is so much better than ignoring anyways.

My Journey to Islam

2011-03-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

(This is the continuation from this post.)

(That’s me in the picture :P)

First of all, my deepest condolences to the people of Japan. I have a friend who barely survived the earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand, and now to see tons of other people experiencing the same situation as she did, and later was shocked by the tsunami broke my heart a little. I hope everyone will be okay and can overcome the aftereffects.

This is just a sign. A sign before the real thing – the end of the world – that will really occur sooner or later. Are you ready for that? Have you prepared for the day of Judgment? Do you think all your good deeds will suffice for that promised day?

I admit that I don’t think my good deeds are enough to guarantee my admission to heaven. But I’m mentally prepared for everything to come, for the world to end tomorrow, for my life to finally halt any time soon.

I’m not this way years ago. I wanted the world to end, but I’m afraid I’ll go to hell.

It wasn’t until much later that I really thought;

What am I?

Why am I in this world again?

This world is so well-crafted and well-thought out, now that I look at it properly.

The universe, the life recycle, the connections between the creatures of the earth, the ecosystem, all of it are just extremely precise and ingenious.

Do I, an insignificant little creature, deserve to live in such a fascinating world?

I’m not going to be here forever, am I?

Where will I be next?

Perhaps I’ll be reincarnated as someone else. Perhaps I’ll be gone with the wind, or into another world I don’t know. Or forever forgotten.

But if I’ll be reincarnated as someone else;

It’ll be tiring to repeat the same troublesome life over and over again. And what good will it bring to me? What’s the point of life, then?

If I’ll be going to another world I don’t know;

I have nothing to say except, I wonder what kind of world that would be?

If I’ll be forever forgotten;

What a joke this life would be if I only spend a lifetime on Earth as a nobody and then die and that’s the end of me.

In a systematic world as this, where the formation of the universe was carefully thought out – to make sure there wouldn’t be any potential accidents like you’ll see on the street – is surreal. Imagine what will happen if things go wrong and suddenly the sun started to collapse and we’ll burn from the extreme heat.

Imagine how it would be if the rain suddenly just wouldn’t fall down, and the clouds keep on floating up there, graying up the sky. And the plants wouldn’t release oxygen. And the world would be filled with carbon dioxide. What a scary – and messed up – world would it be, wouldn’t it?

I was there, noticing that the people on TV are real.

The world in my head isn’t.

The world in front of my eyes is.

And I’m just as real as those on TV.

And the TV is real.

And the earth is currently spinning.

And underneath these soils, there are layers of crusts of the earth.

And how up there, above the atmosphere, there are seven skies.

ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ سَبۡعَ سَمَـٰوَٲتٍ۬ وَمِنَ ٱلۡأَرۡضِ مِثۡلَهُنَّ يَتَنَزَّلُ ٱلۡأَمۡرُ بَيۡنَہُنَّ لِتَعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىۡءٍ۬ قَدِيرٌ۬ وَأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ قَدۡ أَحَاطَ بِكُلِّ شَىۡءٍ عِلۡمَۢا

It is Allah who created seven skies and of the earth, just like them (seven layers). Allah’s command is send down between them, so that you would know that Allah is able to do everything, and that Allah encompasses everything in knowledge.
(Surah Al-6alaq (65) Verse 12)

And I’m just this little insignificant thing breathing in this highly systematic world.

Who am I? It felt as if I didn’t have an identity. I was just another face, roaming the earth, waiting to die.

But what a meaningless death would it be if I perish as one of those without an identity. What a waste of space, this existence of mine.

Some people didn’t choose to die without an identity.

I, on the other hand, am still very much alive. I’m still breathing. I can still pick my choice.

I used to wonder, what’s the purpose of creating babies if they’re going to die minutes later? It doesn’t seem to add up with how the world works.

However then, I realized that even the smallest things played a huge part in their lives. The death of a baby, the life of a baby, the death of a cat, the life of a bird, and if their lives are connected to you, you’re going to be affected.

Everything happens for a reason. A guy would forever be such a cold person if he didn’t have a child to take care of. A guy would forever be careless if he didn’t hit his head. But a guy could forever be a cold person if he didn’t have a child to take care too, though.

It all depends on you, but everything’s there for our own good. It’s all up to us on how we take it and decided to decipher it.

It’ll be a good thing if we think of it as a blessing. It’ll be a bad thing if we think of it as a nuisance.

If that’s true, then I can’t imagine my existence as something completely meaningless.

Everything in this world seems to have a purpose. From the mechanism of plants to the ecosystem, the way how everything is synergy with each other.

Okay now I’m repeating myself. But you get the point.

Everything is in-synch so that we can live comfortably. Everything remains in-synch, but due to human’s stupidity, things begin to take a turn for the worse. It’s March and it’s still snowing at some part of the world! The earthquakes! The tsunamis! The hurricanes!

The creator of the world could have fixed everything. But with how the systems of the Earth goes, it is inevitable that that could happen, isn’t it? Snow falling down at random places, is that a miracle? Science could probably answer that. Science could answer nearly everything. So to say that it’s a coincidence, a miracle, is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think? What about the earthquake, is it an inevitable thing too?

أَلَمۡ نَجۡعَلِ ٱلۡأَرۡضَ مِهَـٰدً۬ا

Didn’t we make the earth as expanse?

وَٱلۡجِبَالَ أَوۡتَادً۬ا

And the mountains as pegs?
(Surah An-Naba (78) Verse 6-7)

وَجَعَلۡنَا فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِ رَوَٲسِىَ أَن تَمِيدَ بِهِمۡ وَجَعَلۡنَا فِيہَا فِجَاجً۬ا سُبُلاً۬ لَّعَلَّهُمۡ يَہۡتَدُونَ

And we’ve made on the earth firm mountains (so that) if it were to shake, (it'll be) with them, and we’ve made for them passages for paths, so that they’ll be guided.
(Al-Anbiya2 (21) Verse 31)

Admittedly we don’t have as many mountains as we once do ages ago, do we?

وَمَآ أَصَـٰبَڪُم مِّن مُّصِيبَةٍ۬ فَبِمَا كَسَبَتۡ أَيۡدِيكُمۡ وَيَعۡفُواْ عَن كَثِيرٍ

Whatever misfortune that happens to you, it is because of what you’ve earned by your hands. But He forgives much.

وَمَآ أَنتُم بِمُعۡجِزِينَ فِى ٱلۡأَرۡضِۖ وَمَا لَكُم مِّن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ مِن وَلِىٍّ۬ وَلَا نَصِيرٍ۬

And you can’t escape in this world, and you don’t have any guardian or helper besides Allah.

وَمِنۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِ ٱلۡجَوَارِ فِى ٱلۡبَحۡرِ كَٱلۡأَعۡلَـٰمِ

And among his signs are the ships in the sea, like flags.

إِن يَشَأۡ يُسۡكِنِ ٱلرِّيحَ فَيَظۡلَلۡنَ رَوَاكِدَ عَلَىٰ ظَهۡرِهِۦۤۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ۬ لِّكُلِّ صَبَّارٍ۬ شَكُورٍ

If He wills, He can halt the wind, and they’ll be motionless on the back (of the ocean), verily, in this are signs for those who preserver and grateful.

أَوۡ يُوبِقۡهُنَّ بِمَا كَسَبُواْ وَيَعۡفُ عَن كَثِيرٍ۬

Or he can perish them with what (evil) they’ve earned, but He forgives a lot.
(Surah Al-Shoora (42) Verse 30 – 34)

We deserve everything that landed on our way. There is a reason for that, there is a reason for everything in this world.

So to suddenly create me, and send me down to Earth, couldn’t just be a meaningless act. I have a purpose. Maybe my purpose in life is to help an elderly cross the street, but that’s still a purpose, nonetheless. Perhaps that’ll change the elderly’s life. Maybe it won’t. But at least I’ve done my role.

I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t found my role. But for now, I’m just enjoying everything. Discovering, studying, and these verses are especially true;

يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱعۡبُدُواْ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُمۡ وَٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِكُمۡ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تَتَّقُونَ

Oh people, worship your lord who created you and those before you, so that you’ll be pious.

ٱلَّذِى جَعَلَ لَكُمُ ٱلۡأَرۡضَ فِرَٲشً۬ا وَٱلسَّمَآءَ بِنَآءً۬ وَأَنزَلَ مِنَ ٱلسَّمَآءِ مَآءً۬ فَأَخۡرَجَ بِهِۦ مِنَ ٱلثَّمَرَٲتِ رِزۡقً۬ا لَّكُمۡۖ فَلَا تَجۡعَلُواْ لِلَّهِ أَندَادً۬ا وَأَنتُمۡ تَعۡلَمُونَ

The one who made for you the earth as the bed, and the sky as the canopy, and sent down from the sky, water, and brought out from them fruits as provision for you, so don’t make anything as Allah's equal while knowing that (is not true).

وَإِن ڪُنتُمۡ فِى رَيۡبٍ۬ مِّمَّا نَزَّلۡنَا عَلَىٰ عَبۡدِنَا فَأۡتُواْ بِسُورَةٍ۬ مِّن مِّثۡلِهِۦ وَٱدۡعُواْ شُهَدَآءَكُم مِّن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمۡ صَـٰدِقِينَ

And if you’re in doubt with what we’ve sent down on our servant (Muhammad) then produce a Surah (chapter) exactly like this, and call your witnesses besides Allah, if you're truthful.

فَإِن لَّمۡ تَفۡعَلُواْ وَلَن تَفۡعَلُواْ فَٱتَّقُواْ ٱلنَّارَ ٱلَّتِى وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلۡحِجَارَةُۖ أُعِدَّتۡ لِلۡكَـٰفِرِينَ

But if you can’t and can never do it then fear the fire, its fuel is of humans and stones, prepared for the disbelievers.
(Surah Al-Baqarah (2) Verses 21 – 24)

People could do that if they want, and there are people who’ll try to defend their logic by denying the words of God, to the point of calling us names, giving their evidences, but there are reasons why people don’t take them seriously, right? I’ve read a lot of theories denying the Quran and Islam, but there are a lot of those, amongst themselves, who are Anti-Islam themselves, who don’t support those people's theories either.

It doesn’t happen to just the Muslims and Anti-Islam. Sometimes, you’ll want to send your point across, engaged in a huge debate, but they just won’t listen, no matter how right you are.

وَمَثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ ڪَفَرُواْ كَمَثَلِ ٱلَّذِى يَنۡعِقُ بِمَا لَا يَسۡمَعُ إِلَّا دُعَآءً۬ وَنِدَآءً۬ۚ صُمُّۢ بُكۡمٌ عُمۡىٌ۬ فَهُمۡ لَا يَعۡقِلُونَ

And an example is like those who disbelieve, like him who shouts (like a goat-herd) but they listen to nothing except calls and cries. Deaf, dumb and blind, they have no wisdom.
(Surah Al-Baqarah (1) Verse 171)

وَإِن تَدۡعُوهُمۡ إِلَى ٱلۡهُدَىٰ لَا يَسۡمَعُواْۖ وَتَرَٮٰهُمۡ يَنظُرُونَ إِلَيۡكَ وَهُمۡ لَا يُبۡصِرُونَ

And if you call him toward the straight path, they won’t listen. And you saw them looking at you, but they see not.
(Al-A3raf (7) Verse 198)

That verse rings true for so many people, doesn’t it? You tried to justify your actions by facts, but if he is adamant that you’re tricking him, his eyes will be clouded with nothing but suspicious, and nothing could change his mind once he truly believed what he thought.

Truthfully, if I wasn’t born as a Muslim, I would probably study the religion that I was in with more depth like I did with Islam. If I was an Atheist, I would probably approach a religion that suits me best.

As of now, I really think that Islam suits me best. The sense of humbleness in everything; be it in clothing, action, conversation, relationship between men and women. The overall ‘restriction’ in Islam that people often frowned and condemned upon, in my opinion, definitely serves for the better mankind. And that is my honest opinion.

Humble in clothing; you won’t attract unnecessary attraction and envy.

Humble in action and conversation; a trivial thing would remain just that – trivial.

Humble in relationship; and you might even escape from committing a murder (i.e. killing babies).

I have fun studying Islam. I find it miraculous how true the words really are. I have fun watching people taking the essence of the religion in the wrong way. I did not have fun watching people taking the wrong impression of Islam from those who portrayed the religion wrongly though.

But that’s the glory of it all. Wherever you go, you’ll always find trouble. There is always someone, that someone, who’s set to ruin your life. Be it ruining your life by snoring so that you can’t sleep, or blasting loud music at midnight so that your baby can’t stay calm, but still, he is someone.

Then again, that’s your trial.

If everyone could enter Janna (Heaven), wouldn’t Janna have the same fate as the Earth? What if Janna consist of people of good and bad, wouldn’t there be a riot like there is right now on the Earth?

People, with their flawed appearance.

People, with their flawed personalities.

People, the imperfect perfection.

Why are we born as a human, I used to wonder? Well, if Allah wanted you to be perfect, He’ll create you as an angel ages ago. If He wanted to make you a plant, you’re a plant.

But He wants us to become an imperfect human, a human that could prove the devil wrong, as the devil said in these verses;

وَلَقَدۡ خَلَقۡنَـٰڪُمۡ ثُمَّ صَوَّرۡنَـٰكُمۡ ثُمَّ قُلۡنَا لِلۡمَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةِ ٱسۡجُدُواْ لِأَدَمَ فَسَجَدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِبۡلِيسَ لَمۡ يَكُن مِّنَ ٱلسَّـٰجِدِينَ

We’ve created you, then we gave you shape, then we told the Angels to prostrate to Adam, so they (the Angels) prostrated except for Iblis (devil), he refused to prostrate.

قَالَ مَا مَنَعَكَ أَلَّا تَسۡجُدَ إِذۡ أَمَرۡتُكَۖ قَالَ أَنَا۟ خَيۡرٌ۬ مِّنۡهُ خَلَقۡتَنِى مِن نَّارٍ۬ وَخَلَقۡتَهُ ۥ مِن طِينٍ۬

Said (Allah): What prevents you from prostrating when I’ve commanded you? Said (Iblis): I’m better than him. You’ve created me from fire, and you’ve created him from clay.

قَالَ فَٱهۡبِطۡ مِنۡہَا فَمَا يَكُونُ لَكَ أَن تَتَكَبَّرَ فِيہَا فَٱخۡرُجۡ إِنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلصَّـٰغِرِينَ

Said (Allah): Get down from there (heaven), it’s not for you to be arrogant in it. Get out, you are among the lowest.

قَالَ أَنظِرۡنِىٓ إِلَىٰ يَوۡمِ يُبۡعَثُونَ

Said (Iblis): Reprieve me until the day of resurrection.

قَالَ إِنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلۡمُنظَرِينَ

Said (Allah): You are among those who reprieved.

قَالَ فَبِمَآ أَغۡوَيۡتَنِى لَأَقۡعُدَنَّ لَهُمۡ صِرَٲطَكَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ

Said (Iblis): Then because you’ve sent me astray, I will sit in wait for them on your straight path.

ثُمَّ لَأَتِيَنَّهُم مِّنۢ بَيۡنِ أَيۡدِيہِمۡ وَمِنۡ خَلۡفِهِمۡ وَعَنۡ أَيۡمَـٰنِہِمۡ وَعَن شَمَآٮِٕلِهِمۡۖ وَلَا تَجِدُ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ شَـٰكِرِينَ

Then I will assault them from in front of them and from behind them, from their right and from their left, and you won’t find lots of them being grateful (to you).

قَالَ ٱخۡرُجۡ مِنۡہَا مَذۡءُومً۬ا مَّدۡحُورً۬اۖ لَّمَن تَبِعَكَ مِنۡہُمۡ لَأَمۡلَأَنَّ جَهَنَّمَ مِنكُمۡ أَجۡمَعِينَ

Said (Allah): Get out from here (heaven), disgraced and expelled. If they follow you, I will fill the Hell with the lot of you.
(Surah Al-A3raf (11) Verse 1 – 18)

We humans are special. We are the imperfect creations, yet the angels themselves, who are perfect, bowed to us.

Flawed creation, but we can still achieve such perfection to Allah. To find such a person who’s achieved that kind of perfection is hard, and that is why, I’ve come to understand, that the only people who qualify of Janna are people such as them.

I admit I’m still learning. Perhaps what I’m preaching is actually false. But this is what I believe. And if what I believe will bring me closer to Allah, will make me a better human, then I’m going to stick to it.

People think that those who qualify for Janna are those who do everything that you’re required to do.

I believe that it’ll take a bit more effort than that.

What’s the use of never missing a prayer if you didn’t do your work, consequently belittling your fellow co-workers, consequently letting everyone down, consequently making everyone hate you?

You might be the most religious person ever, but you’re not the nicest. You treat people like dirt. Do you think your God will like someone who belittles His own creation?

What’s the use of going to Mecca every week if you constantly ass.u.me people of the worst thing imaginable? Lashing at people as if they’re not as pious as you? Is that enough to guarantee your admission to a place near to God?

If people themselves can’t stand our rude behavior, what chances will Allah accept our rudeness?

Insha Allah, Allah will guide us to the straight path.

وَلَا تَقُولَنَّ لِشَاْىۡءٍ إِنِّى فَاعِلٌ۬ ذَٲلِكَ غَدًا

And don’t say of anything, “I’ll do that tomorrow.”

إِلَّآ أَن يَشَآءَ ٱللَّهُۚ وَٱذۡكُر رَّبَّكَ إِذَا نَسِيتَ وَقُلۡ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَهۡدِيَنِ رَبِّى لِأَقۡرَبَ مِنۡ هَـٰذَا رَشَدً۬ا

Without adding, ‘Insha Allah’ (if God’s willing) and remember your lord if you forgot it and say, “I hope that He’ll guide me closer to this right road.”
(Surah Al-Kahf (18) Verse 23 – 24)

Just don't promise anyone anything. You might or might not can do it, you never know. Only Allah knows. If Allah allows it, you can. If it's against Allah's will, you can't.

وَلَوۡلَآ إِذۡ دَخَلۡتَ جَنَّتَكَ قُلۡتَ مَا شَآءَ ٱللَّهُ لَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِٱللَّهِۚ إِن تَرَنِ أَنَا۟ أَقَلَّ مِنكَ مَالاً۬ وَوَلَدً۬ا

And why don’t when you enter your garden, said ‘Masha2 Allah’ (Because of Allah’s will), ‘La quwwata illa billah’ (There’s no power but Allah) even if you see me less than you, in money or child.
(Surah Al-Kahf (18) Verse 39)

Everything in this world, no matter how pretty it is, is the result of Allah's will. None of it is ours. No matter if your garden is prettier, you're richer, or you have more sons, it's because of Allah's will that you have those. So say Masha Allah when you encounter great things, because there are certainly no power greater than Allah.

وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَـٰنِ نَزۡغٌ۬ فَٱسۡتَعِذۡ بِٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

And if an evil whisper comes to you from the devil, then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, he is the listener, the knower.

(Surah Al-A3raf (7) Verse 200)

ٱدۡفَعۡ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحۡسَنُ ٱلسَّيِّئَةَۚ نَحۡنُ أَعۡلَمُ بِمَا يَصِفُونَ

Repel evil with which is better. We are most aware with what they utter.

وَقُل رَّبِّ أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنۡ هَمَزَٲتِ ٱلشَّيَـٰطِينِ

So say, “My lord, I seek refuge in You from the suggestions of the devils.

وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ رَبِّ أَن يَحۡضُرُونِ

And I seek refuge in You, my lord, if they are present.
(Surah Al-Mu3minoon (23) Verse 97-98)

So say Insha Allah, Masha2 Allah, La 7awla wa la quwata illa billa (there’s no power and strength except in Allah), a3uthu billahi min al-shaitan arrajim (I seek refuge from the accursed devils.)

I used to be scared of uttering those words before, because I’m not sure whether I’m using it correctly. I don’t even know what it meant, so why should I say it?

Same could be said with the whole prayer in general. I can’t convince my thick head why I need to do such a thing.

But Al7amdella, now I have quite a clear view of that. I understand the purpose of them all.

When I wake up, I thank Allah that I am still alive. I’m still able to prove my worth, to prove that my existence is not meaningless.

ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ (٢) ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ (٣) مَـٰلِكِ يَوۡمِ ٱلدِّينِ (٤) إِيَّاكَ نَعۡبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسۡتَعِينُ (٥) ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٲطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ (٦) صِرَٲطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ غَيۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ (٧)

Praises to the Lord of the worlds. The merciful, the beneficent. The King of the Day of Judgment. To you we worship and to you we will return. Show us the straight path. The path of those who You favored, not (the path) of those who earned your anger, and not those who’ve gone astray.
(Surah Al-Fati7ah (1))

Then the Dhuhur prayer, I thank Allah for a smooth morning, and hope for a smooth evening.

Then the Asar prayer, I thank Allah for a good day, or I’ll ask for guidance and a peace of mind if things don’t seem to be in my favor.

Then the Maghrib prayer, I thank Allah for another night, and hope for a great night.

Then the Isya’ prayer, I thank Allah for a lovely day, and hope that tomorrow will be okay.

And the process will repeat itself the other day.

So as you can see, in my absolutely honest opinion, I think that Islam is a great religion for me. I am definitely different than my sixteen year old self as a whole, and I think I am a better person right now. I try to smile a lot, I try to be as kind as possible, as nice as possible, not to think badly of people, and I’m still trying with all my might.

However, my mind still works like it did six years ago. I still think childishly about stuff, and I haven’t matured at all.

And I mean matured as in ‘other people’s matured’ kind of thing. It’s okay if you don’t understand.

I hope this post wouldn’t be misinterpreted and the message I’m trying to portray will be understood by all. :)

This must be the longest post in my blog, but it’s worth it. :D

How I Overcome My Depression

2011-03-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

I’m not even sure if I should do this at all, but I have the sudden urge to spill everything there is about me, because there might be someone else experiencing the same things as me, and before they'll do something irrational, ending their lives for example, perhaps they’ll benefit from this post of mine, even just a little.

(to be honest, the real reason why I decided to write this is because of a certain suicide case that I recently heard)

(it affected me a bit)

Hi, I’m a 21 going on 22 year old girl with a mentality of a 16 year old kid. I think.

I stumbled across this picture yesterday, and I suddenly had a recollection of my life in general. I was 14 in that picture, and I was – in what I prefer to call – in the ‘daze era’.

Then there’s the 16 year old era – affectionately nicknamed the limit era – where I believe I simply stop growing and no longer dipping my toes into the filth of the world.

Till this moment, I am still quite green in the head. And I still think that my ex-schoolmates still retain their original features like they did six years ago. I was wrong, obviously. In fact, if it weren’t for their Facebook and the zillion photos in their accounts, I wouldn’t expect them to not be as short, childish, immature and just plain innocent.

Admittedly, that’s quite the opposite of me. Perhaps because our lifestyles are different. EXTREMELY different.

But I must say, the limit era is certainly the time where I finally feel like I could handle the world. I’ll tell you why.

I wasn’t the brightest bulb during my early years. I can’t write and read as early as the other kids. In school rankings, you’ll probably find me among the average of the average back then.

I was certainly not the cleverest out of the bunch. And I didn’t expect to be such a genius either, but I’d like it if I’m just a bit brainy. And I seemed to get my wish; suddenly I did a somersault and somehow landed on the first place, making me the number one smartest kid in my grade.

I was ten. My rank used to be 10. Then somehow I got number 1.

I thought the teacher forgot to call my name during the announcement. The numbers had gotten smaller and smaller and my name had yet to be heard (the announcement was backward), but as it turned out, I was destined to be called out at the very end.

It was weird, that. I didn’t remember doing particularly awesome in the tests or anything. Or maybe it’s just that those other kids didn’t do as awesome as me haha hah.

From that day on, I realized that I was in fact, not that average as I thought I was. My brain is quite sharp, I can understand things fairly quickly, I wasn’t that bad in memorizing, and at that particular time, I believed that my life is going to turn out just fine.

I’ve had it all mapped out in my head. I’m going to enroll in a boarding school, study overseas, work in a crime investigation department. I'll be a spy. I have such a weird dream.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

I was eleven. That was the year where everything went downhill, the year when I caught my disease. I can’t really explain what the disease really was, but it was strange, and it was certainly a mystery to all doctors alike. I was constantly rushed into an emergency room back then, and if not that, in the wee morning, I’d find myself in the clinic having my shots.

Is it possible to have all kinds of sicknesses in the world and have it all happening at once? Perhaps not, but that was exactly what I felt.

The doctors will ask,“What’s your sickness?”

And I will always answer, “Oh nothing. Just that I feel pain in my head and stomach and arms and legs and eyes and nose and mouth and throat and EVERY SINGLE BONES AND ORGANS OKAY.”

I was forced to eat various kinds of medications. I was thrashed by the doctors because of my late recovery. I was miserable.

I very much wish I could curse at those bloody doctors. I also wish I could destroy the nebulizer. And tug the wire out of my hand and throw that transparent liquid bag out of the window.

I hated doctors. I disliked nurses. I didn’t like people. I wish they would shut up and let me rot in hell. Because that was where I was going to end up at anyways.

It's a no brainer that a patient can’t possibly perform any of those good deeds properly, can they?

My classmates can read the Quran without much difficulty, but I just cried staring at those foreign words.

They never missed their prayer, but I can do nothing but slept through everything and lied to everyone that I was just as good as they were.

I just never saw the point. What are you doing, praying and reading the Quran in a language you can’t understand? What are you saying in your prayer? What is that you’re reading in the Quran anyway? Why do you need to do all of that? Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I survive even one prayer without feeling like I’ve climbed a mountain? I can’t do that, but no one will believe me anyway.

I was twelve, and all I wanted to do was to kill myself. It’ll be nice, feeling the cold blade on my veins. Disappearing forever from this world. No one’s going to miss me anyway. My family might, but life will go on for them.

But I can’t die. I’ll end up in hell. I’m scared of hell.

So I hurt myself. It was nice. Nicer than my disease – whatever that is. For some reason, the inflicted pain counteracted the actual sickness, so I wasn’t that troubled to say the least. I must have hurt myself too much because after that, I fail to feel pain. Bruises just don’t feel as painful to me anymore.

People will punch me and I wouldn't waver. They'd massaged my feet and I wouldn't have any expression on my face.

Pain became such a trivial thing.

Then I graduated from primary school, and off I went to another chapter of my life, the secondary school.

I was thirteen. Everything was new. New school, new classmates, new teachers, new environment, new subjects.

But my sickness is nothing new.

I tried to fight my disease. I tried to become significant. I applied to be a librarian.

But I. just. can’t. do. it. Sometimes I can’t get out of bed at all.

I saw a whole lot of different people in my life. All sorts of healers, all sorts of races, all sorts of methods. None worked.

I also saw all kinds of patients. Patients who were just like me, patients who were worse than me, shrieking at the top of their lungs, their hands bruised, wanting to be free. It was a disturbing sight to behold. I always hate going to such places.

And I can’t stand seeing those healers/doctors smug faces. All I wanted to do at that moment was to wipe those smug grin off their faces and prove them wrong. Humiliate them.

I must say I succeeded on doing that.

Then I was fourteen, and I didn’t care about the world.

I just stopped thinking about everything in general.

I didn't even bother with ambition. What was the point?

I shouldn’t bother that they got better marks than me, as long as I understood the subjects clearly and didn’t fail them, it was fine by me.

I didn’t care about your friends either. I didn’t think anyone will understand what I went through, and I didn’t think they can. I was as strange and suspicious as it was, I don’t need to add more fuel to the fire, do I?

I had food in my home. I eat to live. As long as I wasn’t hungry I couldn’t careless about the taste of food.

Well, to make it short, you got them all, I got them too, so what?

My teacher used to say, “I’m worried that you’re missing out the joy of the teenage years. You might not regret it now, but you may later on.”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted those ‘teenage years’.

I didn’t want my schoolmates’ lives. I was as comfortable as it was. They were the ones who were missing out to be honest, because their lives were not as awesome as mine! Yup.

I slept through the years.

I couldn’t remember the 15 year old me that well because I was sleeping.

I only remember answering questions for the big test – PMR – scribbling, maybe I should answer A…no B is prettier…yeah D. Okay I’ll make a pattern here. Triangle zigzag HAHAHAHA.

Because of that, I aced half of the subjects and got B for the rest of the subjects. That was weird. Not that I expected to ace everything but WOWZERS I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAIL EVERYTHING HAHA YEAH.

No matter, I continued sleeping again, and finally woke up to a sixteen year old me.

I was sixteen, and I am a dropout. Let's quit school altogether since I can't study anymore. What's the point, really?

I was in my worst condition ever.

I somehow found myself in a specialist hospital, specifically at the brain and psychology department.

I thought this was it. I was finally going to be diagnosed with something. Something scientific. I rejoiced at the thought of being a mental patient. FINALLY, there’s a reason why I was like this. FINALLY, the doctor’s going to tell me that there’s a defect in my brain and I’m going to die.

That didn’t happen obviously. I’m very much still kicking and alive.

The doctor’s just talked to me, called me bright, gave some advice, gave some drugs, I took the drugs, and I was in cloud nine. Because of the drugs.

I laughed like a maniac on the first day I ate them. It was funny. Funny how I suddenly can’t stop laughing for hours. It was funny.

I can’t remember the drugs’ name. I’ve eaten a lot of drugs that I ceased to care about everything. And now I’m paying the price for eating so much drugs. Good thing I’m not a drug addict.

But the drugs helped me, in some way or another. It cleared out the fogs out of my head and it made me think that lying down on bed doing nothing was quite boring.

So I opened some clips that my brother gave me in his hard-disk.

He said, “They’re cute.”

I replied, “Yeah they’re cute.” I saw them when I was eleven. “But they can’t sing.”

But he just said, “But they’re cute.”

“Fine,” I’d said, and that day, I decided to play their videos. And this is one of them.

I find that those girls, younger than me, older than me, same age as me, singing this song, inspired me in an unimaginable way.

I was sucked into a world of sparkle and everything shiny.

They had a TV show (they no longer had them) and I used to watch all of those all day long. They were funny, yeah. They were adorable, yeah. They were typical, yeah. But I was interested in them.

Something about them was so human, so fascinating, I was distracted, I’m thinking it was the effect of the drugs. Probably not. But they were a nice distraction. I’d dream about them all day long. I’d think about their behavior. About their personality. About everything really.

About how great it’ll be if so and so happened. If so and so met. If so and so had a better voice. And a better song. And a better music video. And a duet.

And I began to forget the world. The world that is not as sparkly and shiny. Then I noticed that the world the girls were living wasn’t as sparkly and shiny either, and they too lived in a world like mine.

Then I remembered.

“I’M IN A WORLD! OH YEAH.”

“Hey I’m in a world!”

“What is this world?”

“Who are these people?!”

“Who am I?!”

lol

To be continued. :P

~~I can’t live in this world waiting to die and go to hell. Or wait for the end of the world and go to hell. Go to hell, period.~~

I’m not saying that music will cure depression, nor am I encouraging you to switch your medications to music. Did music save me? No. Before that, I was listening to music all the same. I was such a huge kpop fan. H.O.T, ShinHwa, G.O.D, Brown Eyes, Big Mama, S.E.S, FIN.K.L (oh the names are so weird...) but did they change my life? No.

I just happened to find the one thing that truly made me smile.

My point is that you need to have a distraction in your life, you need to be deeply absorbed in doing things that you love, things that inspired you. Once you’ve forgotten about the world, about your worries, you’ll remember back about the things that make you happy.

Though seriously, worry? What worry? I don’t have any worries. I live a comfortable life. Not a typical life but a nice life nonetheless. But what I didn’t know is that I have a parasite in my brain that clouded it with dust and made it heavy to live and choking me to death. Once you’ve forgotten about that little parasite in your brain or heart, you’ll notice that the grass is green and the sky is blue. And you are here, not as an outcast, but to actually do something. You’ll realize that in order to do something, you need to get up. And you can, if the thing that you want to do, you want to achieve, the passion of your life, is greater than your mindset.

It’s hard though, to realize that the grass is indeed green and the sky is blue. I used to scoff at people who have such a positive outlook of the world, but I am surprised to learn that the plants are very much alive as you and me.

And who cares that you don’t left any marks in the world? As long as you’re doing things that you love, those are good enough for you. As long as you’re doing a little thing in your everyday life, helping an elderly crossing the street, giving your seat to a pregnant woman, it might change their lives. You just don’t know it.

You don’t have to make a huge mark in the world. To live life sincerely and enjoy it every second are what matters most.

I used to think that I’ll die young. Or as a spinster who still lives in her parents’ basement. Or the world will end. I waited every freaking day for the world to end. For any sign. It still hasn't. I no longer anticipate it, just so you know.

Now I thought, those girls on TV are real. They’re doing things that they love. I want to do things that I love to. I don’t want to miss a day not doing the things that I love. But in order to do that, I need to recover.

Recovering by the power of brain is not impossible. Even if it’ll only cure half of your disease, it’s good enough. At least you’re able to search for the remaining remedy by yourself. I’m constantly on the look out on how to improve my condition - the results of digesting too many medications. It’s taking a toll on my health, that’s for sure, but what’s done is done.

Some of the things that we depressed people need in our life are a purpose of living. A sprinkle of happiness. A bit of love. Once we got all that, standing up isn’t that hard anymore.

So get a hobby, find something you like, stay with it, be happy, laugh a little. It’ll help a lot.

Or if it's your friend who's in pain, you don't need to advice them, saying, "Oh, you need to go out more. Oh remember God will you? Oh you need to *everything imaginable under the sun*"

No, we don't need that, and we won't listen to you. Keep your advices to yourself. The only thing you should do is include them in your activities, introduce them to new things, and just let them enjoy them as much as you do. We hate attention, but even we don't possess the heart of stone to be unaffected by genuine attention.

And that concludes the depression post. The next post will be ~~a tad~~ a LOT religious.

I hope you’ll look forward to that. :D

(read the continuation of this post here)

Sometimes, I hate justifying myself but yes.

2011-03-09T02:55:00.000-08:00

Funny isn’t it, when you basically don’t have much to do, the internet doesn’t look as inviting or attractive to you.

You’ll open up your internet browser and you don’t even know what to look up for.

Yet when you have tons of work to do, the internet suddenly looks like WOWZERS SO MANY INTERESTING THINGS TO GOOGLE I CAN’T EVEN *dies*

Even random people’s blogs are suddenly the most interesting things on earth.

And then you try to behave yourself, resuming your work, but when you open the file, you feel like smacking your head.

And open other people’s blogs again.

And I’d be reminded of the time that has flown away from my grasp, leaving me behind, snickering secretly at my stupidity, “HAHA serves you right, who asks you to read all those blogs and watch all that videos and currently blogging when you could have finished your work instead of doing all these nonsense things!”

And it makes me wonder why I suddenly decided to blog right at this moment.

But then my head will suddenly give its logical explanation;

“When you read other’s blog, you’re adding more information to your brain. Regardless of how insignificant that information is, it might prove useful to you one day. Like you now know how Malay girls wear their hijab nowadays! That’s gold right there. And you’ll know how people from that other side of the world speak in their everyday lives! You won’t get that on papers. If you can’t go to the UK and listen to their accents in front of your very ears then to listen to that in their videos is good enough. And blogging! Do you know, that you’re improving your writing day by day by constantly blogging? That’s good news.”

(the bad news is that I think my English has deteriorated but I’d try to write better)

I think it’s a conspiracy. A conspiracy made by my head to not do any work. My head the brainwasher (haha? huh?). When I open my file it wouldn’t let me think. But when I try to blog it allows me to think.

Please dear head, please cooperate. Thank you. My fingers can’t wait for the moment to be over, and my eyes can’t wait to feast on another equally insignificant but somehow currently sounded fascinating in my head video.

Let’s hope I’ll be able to make it before the deadline! *pray and work hard*

That being said, there is just one thing that my head couldn't justify its brainwashing.

And that is, what would I get by replaying this video over and over and over and over and over again?

Namie Amuro - Unusual feat. Yamashita Tomohisa by FinalHikari

I'll get umm umm...SOMETHING! NOT NOTHING! But things I don't know yet. Yes. It'll benefit me someday. Yes.

(My head's just giving excuses because the head likes this ~~song~~ video ~~people~~.)

The video is so...I don't know, it makes me smile. :D

Injustice?

2011-03-07T12:04:00.001-08:00

Please read this article - Girl gets a year in jail, 100 lashes for adultery

Oh and read this one too, just for the laugh lol hmm yeah.

It is – at the very least – disgusting to hear about the girl’s unfair punishment. Firstly, she is the victim. She was raped by FIVE (shameless) men. She is currently pregnant. But she is also the one who’ll be spending her pregnancy days behind bars, and will later be lashed 100 times for her ‘so-called’ sin.

One wonder if the guys will be getting the same treatment. I hope they’ll get more than that. To be fair, sinners (most of them are thieves) are lashed every Friday at my area’s mosque. No, they weren’t blindly lashed without evidence. No, they weren’t easily dismissed either. A sinner is a sinner, or so I was told. I doubt it’s different in Jeddah, but you’ll never know. And judging by this article, and its lack of information regarding the guys’ punishment, it makes you wonder if they’ll be getting any punishment at all, doesn’t it?

Even though I am more than aware that conversing – heck, even stealing glances – with the opposite sex is a seriously condemned act in Saudi Arabia, and extremely, extremely frowned upon, and hence, people will probably blame the girl for carelessly accepting a ride from the guy in the first place, she didn’t commit premarital sex. She was RAPED. Those are different.

(Oh and this reminds me of an episode on Al-Sakinat fi Qulubna. The girl met the guy from the internet, chatted for a while, exchanged phone numbers, the guy insisted on meeting the girl, they agreed to meet at the park because it’s a public place and supposedly safe, the girl asked her sister to accompany her, they met at the park, the guy invited them to ride the car with them, the girls agreed because they trusted him, they rode it, and what do you know, there were two other guys in the car and they kept them hostage, tied and beat them up, locked them in the guys’ house, and were raped by them all. The girls tried to escape, succeeded, managed to go back home, their worried family was searching for them like crazy, but after seeing them, the father could only look at them in disappointment, but the girls…well the girls were then beaten up by their brothers because of their apparent ‘sin’.)

Quite a twisted community they live in, and I guess the director of Al-Sakinat fi Qulubna shared the same view. Their family shouldn’t behave like that at all. But I digress.

Anyway, back to the topic, the victim in the news didn’t commit premarital sex. She was RAPED. Rape victims don’t deserve these treatments. They’re mentally and physically scarred, they should instead be justified and supported from these scum of the earth! No matter how stupid the girls might’ve been, and how indeed, they were basically dipping their toes into a dragon’s lair, they don’t deserve to be condemned by the community. Perhaps these people who condemned them thought the victims enjoyed it, hence the ‘adultery’ term. Excuse me while I gag.

As my father’s Saudi friend has once stated, even though these Saudis wear their traditional clothes and thus, appear like true religious men, deep inside, these men are just the same, and those clothes they were wearing are just that; traditional clothes. Without it, they are perhaps worse. Bear in mind, these are not my words, I’m just quoting him directly.

Although, if I may have a few words, then I would want to rant about their youngsters a bit. Being suppressed in such a choking community, I suppose I can understand them, even a little. Yes, I don’t live in such a suppressed community. My community is moderately conservation. Not extreme. But I understand a bit.

I understand why the girls felt the need to wear their best, most body-fitting abaya. Unbuttoning the bottom so that their leggings will peek through. Revealing a handful of hair underneath those loose hejab. Covering the face with thick, Arabic makeup.

In my society, if girls were to dress like that, I would think they were dressing for themselves. And I tried to think positive, perhaps they’ve just returned from a wedding, or on the way to that, maybe, positive positive, and I might have succeeded, if it weren’t for those odd, disturbing glances by those males, and the females’ equally interesting response.

The urge to befriend the opposite sex. I understand that. But there is just one thing I don’t understand, and I happen to see, and hear, from first account, of Arab couples actually doing it. And that is, committing sins before marriage.

(I know of someone who’s been dating a guy from the internet for years, and yes, the situation is a bit like the story from Al-Sakinat fi Qulubna, minus the raping of course, and the fact that the guy from the internet is actually NICE.)

(still, nice, I’m a bit iffy about them committing sins before marriage.)

What do I mean by sins before marriage?

Well, if even holding the hands of a guy is a sin, what’s more to actually kiss them square on the mouth? >.O And you’re like what, miles away from Mecca and Medina? You’re on the same soil as the holy lands. I can’t even-

And this goes to all of you Muslims as well. You’re on the land of the God who created you. Please, have a little respect, self-control and shame. Thank you. I don’t mind seeing people of other religion doing that, but to see those Muslims…seriously, I’m embarrassed. May Allah forgive our sins. Especially me for badmouthing you. I’m sorry.

(And why is holding a non-related man’s hand is a sin to a girl? That’s because it’ll flutter their love/lust, opening up a path in their head, thinking it’s okay to touch each other at other places, and then other things, and then unmentionable things, and then a baby out of wedlock will appear, and the parents don’t want to be responsible, throw the baby away, killing the baby unconsciously.)

(This happens a lot in Malaysia.)

(sure protection is readily available in stores but you don't think an underage Muslim boy can easily buy it without complications)

(and the results? Countless of abandoned babies)

(If you like a guy, just like him. Let him get to know you. Let him fall in love with your personality. Don’t let him have a taste of your territory. *Not until it’s permissible for him to do that of course.* Because who knows, once he did, he might want more, and then he doesn’t, and what else could you do? You are nothing to him. Not even his wife. He can remarry, but we girls can’t. It's harder for a girl with a tarnished reputation to marry than a divorcee. We’ll be scarred to life, remembered as the woman with no dignity. Being a woman is hard, especially in my community.)

(ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY in the Saudi community.)

Anyway. May the rapers get what they deserve.

And even if they didn’t get it in this world, they will get it for sure in the afterlife.

But I’ll just say, God will punish them in the best way possible. Have you ever experienced hardship, and you wonder, why don’t these bad guys ever get what they deserve? Why is it always me who gets the end of the stick? Well trust me, they do get it. And when they get it, they get it HARD. I’ve witnessed it. I’ve seen it loads of times. Only God knows what’s best for us.

But other people will probably say, karma is awesome.

Anyway, I just hope there’ll be an organization that will stand up for these victims.

Stay strong, may Allah bless you all.

Happy Wedding Day #2

2011-03-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve been neglecting my blog! Well I’ve been ignoring it really, because I really don’t know how to say this. Or write.

I’m sure you’ve seen it all the time, people having best friends and an entire clique of friends, hanging out and sharing each other’s secrets, treating them like their siblings more than those people who shared their bloods with.

We have none of those. We don’t, or rather, we can’t.

We tried to be their greatest friends, helped them in any way we can, listened to all of their worries, problems, boasting, bragging, anything, as long as the friendship can go on.

But somehow, always, sooner or later, something will happen and the friendship will end.

Either they’ll stab us from behind or they get sick of us fast and leave us alone.

Perhaps I am annoying. Sometimes, people would brush me away without warnings as if my mere existence annoyed them, so what else should I do aside of drifting away as well? If people don’t like me, then fine, I won’t bother them anymore.

We’ll listen to people’s problems but they never seemed to listen to ours. We tried to understand them from every aspect yet they never took the effort to do the same. They only look at us from one direction, and made a conclusion based on that. We tried to consider their feelings but they never considered ours.

Just because people don’t preach about religion all the time/all that much doesn’t mean they’re not pious or religious.

Just because he looks dumb doesn’t mean he’s not smart.

Just because I happened to not look sickly doesn’t mean I can climb the mountain and do it over and over again.

When they talked, we listened. Even when they were complaining about us or criticizing us, we don’t care.

But when we somehow slipped a minor mistake, they’ll flip out and refuse to be our friend.

When we helped them, we had nothing in our mind, except that we don’t wish that they’ll experience hardship in their lives.

Yet how easy it was for them to forget; one flaw and they’ll hate us and forget everything we’ve done.

I value all my friends. I really do, real life friends and internet friends, I treasure them all. But I can’t open up about everything, I can’t be my true self, because then I’m afraid I’ll lose them.

I’ve already lost plenty of them. I don’t need another friendship left broken.

The only people I can truly be myself with and open up about everything are with my siblings.

I would be the craziest and loudest person alive and they’ll never think I’m annoying (at least at the moment). I can be so gross and they’ll never be disgusted.

I can crash at their places and wreck their houses like nobody business and they would join me and wreck their own homes as well.

They understand my condition.

They understand my weaknesses.

Do their future spouses understand that? Perhaps yes, but not entirely, I don’t think so. I just wish they would, but knowing me, I probably will need to act politely in their houses because irritated wives = angry brothers = guilty me.

Things wouldn’t be the same anymore. They’ll have their own responsibilities, their own families to take care of, and I understand that, I really do, but being one of the youngest people in the family, I can’t help but wish that time will return to that moment when all of us were in the same room playing videogames together, free of responsibility, free of misery, free of everything, really.

Losing one brother at a time is bearable.

Having the three of them marrying at the same time is a bit of a shock.

So sorry if I sounded passive and overly selfish in this post, it’s just that I can’t handle strangers very well.

And I’m sure you understand why by now.

(that being said maybe I CAN make an exception for at least one person HAHA you know who you are? :|)

Happy Wedding Day #1

2011-02-26T13:32:00.000-08:00

Weddings! Don’t you just love weddings?

I used to think it was nice, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Meet me, my cousin and my sister. My sister might hold a fan just like me, and my cousin might sit in the middle and hold a flower, but she wasn’t the bridesmaid and she wasn’t the bride. I was the bridesmaid. And of course I wasn’t the bride! If not I might be blogging about my husband and children instead of babbling about nonsensical things. Yes.

I’d rather think I was a lady’s maid that day. Well of course, brides and grooms are considered as King and Queen of the Day on their special day, didn't they, and what did us bridesmaids do that day? Hold an umbrella for the bride, blot the bride’s face from any excess oil or sweat, fan the bride so she wouldn’t get hot (for some reason this sentence cracks me up hahahaha hmm), fix their tiara and train, make sure their makeup is camera-ready, and other stuff that a lady’s maid usually do for their ladies…

I'm kidding I don’t really do those things. I just held the umbrella, fanned the bride, appeared in their photos (where are the photos anyway?) and thought, that’s it I’m outta here- I mean, let’s have the bride and groom have their moments, shall we? :D

Anyway, before I forgot, the photo above was taken two years ago, during my brother’s wedding. As you can probably see, our dresses (those are baju kurung with a weird twist - I mean 'modern' twist) were quite similar, and that’s because we need to make ourselves stand out as the groom’s honorable family members, and it won’t do to have other guests treating us as one of their own. We’re the family of the groom! We are honorable! I have no idea why but it feels so honorable to be the member of the King - I mean groom's - family!

Now, it was fun, dressing alike, almost taking us back to our childhood where wearing the same thing isn’t as embarrassing as it is today, but the drawback of this whole thing is that, people often confused us for one and another.

Take this for example. I was stalking the guests with my cousins behind our tinted windows (secret busted! Oops :P) when another cousin tapped my back and said, “Cousin!”

I turned around.

“Ack! Oops sorry! Lalala~”

Funny thing was, I also witnessed that cousin in the picture above getting the same treatment.

“Huda!” *someone tapped her back* *she turned around* “Oops! Sorry lalala~”

Yeah…we’re quite similarly odd in the head, just like how our clothes were quite similar I suppose.

But I can’t really blame them though. The rest of us, the members of the groom’s clan, DO look alike. We all have nearly the same coloring, 90% are bespectacled (the result of playing Facebook too much. Not me though not me :P), nearly the same height, has the same posture, wore the same clothes, but of course, I don’t have their brains and cool friends haha <- I just need to throw that in there do I? >.O

Anyway, as you may have guessed, the color theme of the wedding was somewhere between the brown and peach spectrum. How do we determine the color theme for a wedding you say? (maybe you didn’t say that but let’s pretend you did) Well it all depends on the color of the bride and groom’s attires!

If the bride likes a purple dress then the entire reception will be purply wonderland.

Or it could also depend on the bride's (or mother's) choice of color.

If the bride wanted green, and the mother wanted red, then you’ve guessed it, I’ll probably be looking like a walking Christmas tree.

Case in point, watch this video!

(The girl’s an heiress of a car company. Or maybe she’s the owner now? I’m not sure.)

BAD BAD BAD BADDDD example of a Malay wedding. Never in a million years would I have a wedding as grand as that (yes, that is grand) unless I marry a rich guy. Or a prince. But imagine your life after marrying a prince! Not cool, because I’m just a lowly citizen and have no nobility in my blood and certainly the Queen will treat me differently due to the different status but let’s not dwell into that further, okay?

Or you can always marry an astronaut!

But then if you miss your husband, you can’t probably call him or skype with him while he’s on the moon can you? …can you?

Anyway, back to that picture above! Can you believe it that we decorated the bride and groom’s dais? No? No? Well you’re right, we didn’t. But we did;

1. Make thousands of souvenirs for special guests until our fingers were sore.
2. Make hundreds (or perhaps nearly thousands) of little sweet bags for children until our fingers were sore.
3. Make egg flowers/bunga telur/hantaran/those things for the bride’s family until our hands can barely move.
4. Make thousands of goodie bags for guests until our hands can barely move.
5. Make lots of things to stuff into that goodie bags.
6. Make LOTS OF THINGS, period. But most importantly, we made all those things while watching Korean dramas and cursing, “WHY DO YOU PICK THAT GUY, AND NOT THAT GUY??!! THAT GUY’S NOT EVEN GOOD-LOOKING!!!”
7. Good times indeed. :D (but I don't have any pictures of those souvenirs to upload here ACK x.x)

(Taking all sorts of pictures is not popular two years ago. To us, that is. We'd rather watch soapy dramas and curse at the main characters than take photos. Yeap that's us.)

I can still remember it. The men were outside, cutting meats and cooking (lol? XD), the women prepared the spices and necessities for the cooking, cutting vegetables and onions and crying tears of onions while the girls (me me me) prepared all those creative thingies while laughing and tearing and wailing at the TV and the kids…well the kids…were in the gaming room, playing games and whatnot.

“Yeah you kids better stay out of the way!” most of the aunts said that to their children that day. I wish I was a kid. Kind of.

Sounds like a lot of fun, isn’t it? Yes, it was fun, but unfortunately, I won’t be experiencing such great fun again this year.

And, I would ONLY experience this again IF my sisters get married. I only got TWO more chances. But it’ll be ages before that, and who knows, maybe we wouldn’t keep the tradition by then. We wouldn’t be losing our fingers by making lots of souvenirs, maybe we’ll buy those store-made souvenirs instead, we wouldn’t be having a drama marathon, we wouldn’t be wearing clothes according to the reception theme, and we wouldn’t have a great slumber party in my room, because they might stay in a hotel with their families instead. My house isn’t large enough to fit all families and their children.

It makes me sad.

Even sadder is that, I won’t be experiencing any of that at all this year. (I think I’ve said that)

This year, the rest of my brothers will finally get married.

Then, I won’t have any unmarried brothers anymore.

I’m quite sad.

I’ll elaborate more in another post.

TO BE CONTINUED JENG JENG JEENGGGG HAHAHA I think it’s funnier in my head than written down hmm.

Zurich, Apple Store and adolescent crush

2011-02-23T08:16:00.001-08:00

(you can actually see me in the store WHOA :P)

Things you should know;

My father likes to go to an electronic store.
My mother likes to go to a bargain store.
They love stores.

You can definitely conclude from these lines above that our trip to Switzerland wasn’t that educational, to be blatantly honest. ;D

I saw the nature, I saw the buildings, but I still know next to nothing about Switzerland. I was all up for their museums when my brother suggested that to us that day, but my parents, upon hearing that, quickly lashed out, “Museums? Boring!”

To think that they were the ones who brought us all to those museums when we were little.

I believe they are the sorts who used to think, “Oh, let’s bring our kids to the museum – even though we hated those – because they are educational, and good for the kids’ brains. Apparently.”

And once our brains are good enough, they’d say, “You’ve seen enough museums! We’ve endured those dreadful places for you too many times already! Now let us shop.”

Ah museum…how I love thee. I blame this on my parents WAHAHA. :|

Ah store…I love you too but I have no money. Literally.

(I saw an Albert Einstein museum in Bern but PLEASE! DON’T REMIND ME OF THAT! I MIGHT CRY!)

(It seems like the greatest thing ever!)

(But I miss it! And I might forever miss it!)

(Oh well, not that important.)

XD

I sincerely think that I’ve just missed out a huge experience by not stepping into Einstein’s house in Bern. Instead, we went to Migros so that my mother can buy pots and pans. But it’s okay, at least now my mother can cook better food right? Right.

So there you go, I didn’t go to any of those museums. I only went to stores, more stores, and yeah, stores.

(Same thing happened to my Singapore trip. I only went to the Apple Store, more stores, and yeah, STORES.)

Not a terribly exciting trip to blog about, but enjoyable nonetheless. At least now, I can brag to my other brothers.

“Hey I went to Switzerland’s Apple Store!” (insert evil laugh here)

But they’ll probably answer with a stupid question, “Oh yeah, do they have Granny Smith?”

And I’ll probably reply with an equally stupid answer, “I saw a granny…forgot to ask if her name was Smith.”

Okay I kid. I didn’t see a granny, I saw a little boy.

And my two-year-old niece saw him too.

It was...well I let you be the judge.

There she was, standing behind the store’s glass wall, her palms carefully touching it. In front of her, on the other side of the glass wall, stood an approximately four-year-old blond boy, completely dressed in black from head to toe, and his hands were nearly touching hers, if it wasn’t for that glass wall.

They were grinning at each other.

It was weird.

Okay, cute. Except earlier, there was a boy who was staring at her just like that, but he didn’t get the same treatment.

Perhaps because he wasn’t blond.

My niece’s taste is high. She prefers blond boys, apparently.

She didn't even smile at girls.

Weird.

(now her mother *might* come in here and beg to differ, but I must say, I watched her and that was what I saw :D)

The most adorable thing about this was when the boy’s mother was trying to drag him away from his spot, their eyes never broke the connections, not until the boy was no longer in sight.

And then my niece decided to throw a tantrum and demanded to be held.

The same thing happened again, and this time, we were walking down the street. A blond boy in a stroller passed by us, and out of a sudden, their eyes were locked on each other.

As the stroller went farther away, her head continued to turn toward the direction of the stroller, fixated on his back until he too was out of sight.

…

Can’t blame her though, Swiss boys are cute. Remember that cool Malaysian girl with her cool baby? Well, she married a British guy who works in Zurich. Yeah fail logic there.

My point is; different culture, religions and races shouldn’t be the barrier of true love. If they are meant for each other, if their destiny is with each other, then who are we to object them from being with each other?

If only more people could see it that way instead of trying to preserve the pureness of their blood/race/heritage and subsequently broke off the love of their child’s life. Nothing stays forever in this world, not even the world.

Okay sister-in-law, if you’re reading this - though I hope you don’t - I’m sorry for dragging your daughter in and accuse her of crushing over a, well maybe, two blond boys. :D It’s just that, we didn’t do much in Zurich, did we? I just remember eating a tuna sandwich in a seafood restaurant, and saw a MissChievous lookalike, and I think the lookalike was intimidated by our (my sister and I) constant glancing. But really, she kinda looks like her, and if people were to say that she’s her sister then we’d believe it on the spot. We are big MissChievous fans by the way, and, and…

Well that concludes my Zurich report. Hope you have fun reading it, and maybe I’ll write about other cities next. :D

I'm going to Medina tomorrow, so bye bye for now. :D

Things I Wanna Do in Malaysia #1

2011-02-22T10:21:00.001-08:00

Siti Nurhaliza - Cuti-cuti Malaysia (Don't you just love this song? No? Okay fine.)

I watched the video and thought, "What the, I can barely see Johor!"

(though to be honest, if anyone asks me, "What's a great tourist spot in Johor?" I'll be, "Umm...hmm?")

(Tanjung Piai? XD)

(FAIL Johorean HAH :D)

According to my personal research, some of the most famous tourist spots in Malaysia (or at least among Arabs) are Kuala Lumpur/Selangor (duh), Langkawi (of all places, I've never ever ever ever gone there DX), Penang (used to go there once a week, but I’m by no means an expert of that place. Not that I'm a Johor expert anyway), Cameron Highland (went there once, it was AWESOME!) and Genting Highland (the land of entertainment and gambling. Apparently. Haven't been there before though).

I'd include Malacca in as well but that's more of an attraction for fellow Malaysians. You'd find students with their history textbooks roaming the street, studying the historical remnants - wait, that's probably just me.

To be honest, I used to never understand why Malaysia is such an attraction to tourists. I mean, our weather is hot and humid, we have a lot of small bugs, big bugs, small animals, big animals. There are snakes in my garden. And there are crocodiles near my grandma's house. And her old house’s backyard used to be filled with tigers to the point that if someone’s gone missing, they’ll say, “Oh he’s probably eaten by tigers.” Not anymore of course. But in my neighborhood, you can sometimes hear hens and chickens being eaten by foxes at night, and there are bats in my attic. Oh and also, there's a bird outside my window who likes to throw tree branches into my room. I'm not kidding.

(well that's because my family's house is in the jungle - I mean village. Honestly, I ran out of classy words to describe my neighborhood, but yeah, it's one of the most peaceful neighborhoods ever, saves for those animals. But would you rather have noisy animals or city pollutions?)

(Take your pick, I won't judge.)

(I'll take those animals, I guess.)

(I wonder if the bird is still there. It's been nesting there for two years already WOW.)

(If the bird's still there by the time I return to Malaysia, I'll take a picture.)

And lookie here, these aren't my cats, but they think they're mine.

Can you guess how many cats there are in these pictures?

Looks like playtime is over for these cats. Bye bye, come again, I'm sure you will. Because we're the only family in the neighborhood who eats fish, aren't we? :D

(Although I must admit, since we’ve moved here, the cats no longer hang out at our place. No fish, I guess.)

As far as the saying goes, the grass is greener on the other side of the world. Well, Switzerland’s grass IS literally greener than ours, and Saudi Arabia doesn’t have much grass to begin with, but I suppose, living with green grass all my life, we’ve always wanted to have something in our life that we didn’t have – or impossible to have – and disregard things that we actually have, which might suit us more than what we actually crave.

Perhaps this could be applied to the rest of the people. I bet some of you hate winter, but we – who’ve been exposed to the sun all year long – crave for some snow so badly. We don’t care that much for nature, beaches and wild life, but some of you might adore them very much.

Still, no matter how great other countries are, in the end, you’ll notice that nothing suits you best as much as your original home. It’s just the way it is. You might hate it, but it is the way you’ve been grown up with, and whether you like it or not, you’re gonna miss your home, the atmosphere, and everything about it.

(In my case though, I spend most of my time in a house anyway. So give me a house and it’ll be like home.)

Every country is unique, and i must say, Malaysia is too. There are things that could be done there (and perhaps somewhere else) that couldn’t be done elsewhere (elsewhere that I haven’t been to lol), so I figure I’ll list down those things that I wanna do before I forget and waste my time in Malaysia doing nothing again.

1. I wanna drink Lai Chee Kang.

(picture stolen from google)

Hi everyone, this is Lai Chee Kang. It’s originally a Chinese drink I think, but every Malaysian drinks it.

My mother ordered it all the time, but I'd rather have cendol...

(picture stolen from google too) Don't you think these cendol look like slimy, fat green worms that you can eat without feeling disgusted? No? ...no?

Anyway, lai chee kang! I like it just fine, but the reason why I'm so craving for it, is because of this video.

Queenie makes her own white fungus serum! And that white fungus soup looks strangely delish.

I wanna make that serum but I'm pretty sure my mother wouldn't approve of bizarre cooking unless it’s for the good of my health.

Skincare's not included unfortunately. "You're doing this for the sake of your skin?? How vain!"

Umm.

There's no other way around it! I need to include this white fungus thing in our diet or something, or at least make it beneficial to the health so that I CAN MAKE THE SERUM. Yup.

First thing first - searching for a Malaysian recipe that actually uses white fungus in its food.

Might be hard considering all of them are Chinese ones, and I don't even know what it's called in Malay haha hmm.

So I asked my mother, "Do you know that thing that (my cousin) used to use to scratch her itchy skin with?"

Bingo! I got the name.

And what do you know, white fungus is one of Lai Chee Kang's ingredients.

Here's the recipe (nicked from here)

* White sugar (gula putih)
* Palm sugar (gula merah)
* Barley pearl (barli)
* White fungus (fungus putih)
* Black fungus (fungus hitam)
* Dried lotus seed (biji teratai)
* Dried red dates (kurma merah)
* Dried longan pulp (longan)
* Canned lychees (laici)
* Grass jelly (cincau)
* Honey dates (kembang semangkuk)
* Sweet melon candy (kundur)
* Sufficient water

(apparently, white fungus in Malay is cendawan putih, but the blogger just translated it as fungus putih. Doesn’t matter though.)

I bet if I were to ask any shop assistants here for these rare ingredients they would scratch their head, bulge their eyes out, and be utterly confused.

So as you can see, it is nearly impossible for me to make a bowl of Lai Chee Kang here.

And it's not as if white fungus is easily accessible here either.

So once I return to Malaysia, I want to drink Lai Chee Kang.

:D

Zurich, chocolates and the money-changer man

2011-02-21T13:31:00.001-08:00

If the factory of Willy Wonka really exists I'd rather thought it'd be somewhere in Switzerland, the chocolate wonderland.

A chocolate river, chocolate forest, all you can eat chocolate, hmm...

Imagine all those things in this picture are made of chocolate!

Hmm...

Anyway.

Welcome to Zurich! I only remember going to an Apple Store, a chocolate store, eating a tuna sandwich and meeting a cool Malaysian girl with her cool baby cruising about on the street.

(It was cold, hence the coolness.)

But first let me talk about the chocolate store.

All these shukulataaaa (that's Arabic for chocolate :D) are actually homemade.

Chocolat (that's French for chocolate) is like a staple food here. You can find it almost everywhere, and there's even a budget chocolate for people on a budget! Definitely not cool for people on a weight budget.

And I don't know what the German word for chocolate is...so I'll just say it in Malay. This coklat (!!!) store's name is...I don't remember. But if you go to Zurich then maybe you'll find it. According to my brother, the store is quite famous, so if you decided to ask around and stop a poor stranger just for the sake of trying the same chocolate I ate (harhar), I suggest you say, "You don't suppose you know this certain famous chocolate store where a girl in a hijab entered and tried to pay with a (insert huge amount of money here) Swiss Franc?" then maybe they can show you. And don't worry about the language barrier, Zurich is in the German Territory and you don't need to speak German! Hence why I forgot the German's word for chocolate.

*stupidly grinning at the chocolates *

*SNAP*

"Fatherrrr WARGHHHHH DELETE!"

Of course, that didn't happen. In fact, I didn't even overreact. What actually happened was,

"Please father can you take a picture of me with the chocolates? Make sure I look very weird and kinda drooling at them, okay?"

And believe me this is the only picture that clearly features all of these amazing chocolates. I have no choice but to publish this sad photo of the girl in a hijab who tried to pay with (insert huge amount of money) Swiss Franc on my blog.

It wasn't as if I wanted to pay the chocolates with a huge sum of money in the first place. I blame it on the money-changer guy.

You see, my mother put me in charge of changing (insert amount of money) Saudi Riyal to Swiss Franc, so off I went to the money-changer guy who dressed in complete Arab attire from head to toe.

Literally.

Arab guys intimidate me, especially those who dressed in those Arab clothes of theirs.

So I said, "Can I change these to Swiss Franc please?"

He looked at me confusedly, glanced at his friend, glanced at his other friend, then took the money uncertainly.

I have no idea why but he gave me this dubious vibe as if he didn't know what to do.

Then slowly counting the money, he looked at his friends vaguely again, before handing me a single note.

A single note.

"That's it?" I asked.

"Yes Swiss Franc, there you go."

"You're giving me this one single note??"

I think he was giving me a look as if saying that, "What, you want more money?"

Not that I wanted more money, but I was shocked to see;

1. A HUGE sum of money on a single note
2. Their apparent reluctance of giving me lots of smaller amount notes.
3. But then I pieced it all together - they ran out of smaller notes. That explains the uncertainty in his eyes.
4. Not that I looked into his eyes or anything.

I showed my mother the single, lone piece of paper that could get me in trouble if it were to slip away from my hands, and my mother asked, "Only this?"

"Yes."

"How are we going to buy anything with this?"

EXACTLY!

Now back to the present day, in the chocolate store.

So guess what, we tried to pay our chocolates with that money. Because my brother ran out of cash.

But of course, the cashier looked at the money, exactly the same way as the money-changer man, and called for her manager.

Embarrassing! Quite a bit.

The manager spoke, "Small stores like us don't have the changes for large money like this, I'd advise you to change this at the bank-"

Embarrassing! I'm easily embarrassed, really.

The manager said we could pay the chocolates with a visa card, and my brother did just that. Solved. Then we hurriedly went to the bank to change that blasted money into small pieces, and my niece lost her red balloon, cried, my brother went into McDonald to get another balloon for her, and she smiled again.

And interesting thing happened to this niece of mine. I'll talk about it in another post.

So, the moral of this story?

Money-changer people, please don't give tourist a huge chunk of money on a single note.

Yours truly,

Huda

Anyway!

Where's the chocolate, you say?

Well here it is!

Oh there's the store's name! Good, then you don't have to confuse people with the identity of the girl in a hijab who tried to pay- bla bla bla. :D

I dare you to drool.

Swiss chocolates are the best. (Or some may say Belgian. I don't know. I can't remember how Belgian's tasted like.)

Regardless, once you've eaten a Swiss/Belgian chocolate, you'll never look back ever again.

Mars Bars? Kinder Bueno?

*chocolates in a vending machine*

Hmph. *nose up in the air*

:P

Okay okay you should be thankful that you even know how a chocolate tasted like in the first place. Some people can't even afford to have a small bite.

I hope all of you will have the chance to eat this kind of chocolate one day. :)

Airports and Airplanes and Audis

2011-02-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

(Welcome to the Red Sea. If you squint really hard, you can probably see Egypt.)
(Makes you wonder why I didn’t include this picture in my previous post.)

I’m gonna blog about Switzerland now YAY!

Okay first, reasons why I hate traveling by plane;

1. Airsickness. Or maybe not. Long-distance is fine, but domestic flight…*shudder*
2. Or perhaps the problem lies with AirAsia. MAS is slightly better (slightly). I wasn’t that nauseous throughout their flight.
3. Why would I take domestic flight in the first place anyway? Those places could be reached by cars! Well first, my cousins live at the other side of Malaysia, and the only way to reach their place is by planes (or ships? not sure). And I always get free tickets from Kuala Lumpur to Johor Bahru.
4. If you ask me, I would rather have a free bus/train ticket or stay at my brother’s house than that thank you very much.
5. That’s how ungrateful people sound like haha I mean THANK YOU for the free ticket.
6. If you ask me how someone as ungrateful as me could get a free ticket then sorry I can’t tell you.
7. Back to my plane pet peeve! Limited baggage.
8. And if your baggage is overweight then you need to do a surgery on it, take out all of its contents and ugh, you get the idea.
9. If your heart’s too weak and you can’t bear seeing your bag under surgery then you need to pay extra to the airport people so they can be happy.
10. Then the body-check! Sometimes for no reason at all, the detector starts ringing.
11. Or or there’s nothing in your bag but somehow it couldn’t pass the detector.
12. Suspenseful moment, definitely full of suspense.
13. And when you’re finally safely seated in the airplane, you look at the clouds, realizing that you’re up in the sky.
14. And there’s the sea at the bottom.
15. And this thing called airplane is carrying you over the sea, isn’t it weird?
16. Then you need to retrieve your baggage.
17. If you’re unlucky your bag will be missing.
18. If you’re even more unlucky, the contents of your bag will be spilled/ripped.
19. If something happened, you can’t really contact the person outside because international roaming somehow doesn’t work on your phone.
20. I might sound like a very ungrateful person, but really, if you’re driving a car then there’s no need for unnecessary pit-stops. And your baggage will, most of the time, be in pristine condition.

I was in the plane to Switzerland that day, when three black Audis came zooming in, parking exactly next to the airplane as if the airplane is their personal jet.

Maybe they are the royal family!

That can’t be…the royal family has their own personal jet, don’t they?

So these people must be at least…some stinking rich family.

The driver got out from the car and opened the car’s backdoor, and out came a man in a sweater. This action was repeated three times for every car, and from each car, out came a middle-aged woman (probably their mother) from the second car, and a younger man (probably the brother) from the last car.

One car for each family member! I don’t understand rich people. I would love to ride the same car as my brother, even though I wouldn’t have all the space to myself, but at least I wouldn’t be lonely and actually have some fun, right?

I’m just assuming that these people are related though. Judging by their faces and the cars’ number plates, I’m pretty sure they’re related. And they’re riding the same plane. Maybe they wanted to have their own space before being mixed in with fellow mortals. We fellow mortals needed to ride the autobus with the rest of the citizens, while they have an entire Audi for themselves. I’m jealous. A bit. Only a bit.

I sat beside the window and everything happened in front of my eyes, so I got a clear view of what was going on. Riding their cars like some company’s CEO (they probably are), they showed their passports to the head steward (maybe) and climbed the steps to the first class seat like VVIP.

I thought I wouldn’t see them up-close since my seat was at the economy class, but apparently they needed to store their hand luggage at my place (perhaps there was no more space for them to stuff their luggage in at the first class seat, or maybe they brought too much luggage, who knows). Hah! So I got a good glimpse of how they actually look like (they were right in front of me), and I also saw how other people really look like.

These rich brothers: eyeing the girls as if they themselves are the hottest people EVAR.
The girls: eyeing the brothers as if they are the hottest people EVAR.
The mothers of the girls: eyeing the brothers as if they are the hottest catch EVAR.
The mother of the brothers: didn’t do anything moderately interesting to be honest.

If I could only stand up and say;

“Hey you rich brothers with the latest Audi, just because you’re rich and all, doesn’t mean that you can get any girl you want.”

Or maybe they can.

“Hey single ladies, just because they’re rich, it doesn’t mean that they’re eligible.”

Or maybe they are.

“Hey mothers of daughters, just because they’re rich doesn’t mean they’ll suit your daughters.”

Maybe they will.

“Hey everyone in the plane, just because I look like a foreigner and travel to Switzerland from your place, doesn’t mean that you can continuously stare at me like this -> O.O”

Alas, I didn’t say. I have no guts. And I don’t want to risk embarrassing myself. :D

It’s fun though, observing people of different culture and status. I’ve read about it in books and stuff, but to actually witness it is another entirely different experience. Wealthy ladies removing their crystal-stud abaya and hijab, revealing their dyed hair and stylish clothes underneath. Young girls painting their nails even during the turbulence. Young women, dressing to impress, changing their clothes for the sake of the plane ride, and changing them again minutes before landing. Swiss people talking to me as if I’m a Swiss, just like them (lol) and middle-aged Swiss people smiling at me like those friendly European people I heard so much about.

And not to forget, the rest of the people (minus the Swiss) were staring at me like this -> O.O

What what what? Do I have something on my face? Come on.

Okay! A preview for the next post.

Tada~

I can’t guarantee I’ll continue these Swiss posts though. I mean, sometimes my fingers have a mind of their own. I was supposed to write about planes and airports in my previous post but I ended up talking about Egypt. And I notice that according to the first sentence of this post, I’m supposed to blog about Switzerland. But I didn't. Yet.

But we’ll get there! And we’ll see. :D I’m suddenly in a blogging spree, which means I’m kinda neglecting my daily routines lol ACK!

Airports and Airplanes and Egypt

2011-02-21T03:27:00.000-08:00

I suppose I could blog about Switzerland.

But I kinda forgot what I did there haha hmm.

Well then let’s talk about airport and airplanes and whatnot!

I hate traveling by planes. I wish every place in this world could be reached by cars alone. Imagine a world where every continent is connected by humongous bridges - no I can’t imagine that.

My father even suggested to my mother, “Let’s go to Dubai! By car!”

And my mother answered, “Yeah and how many days will it take for us to reach there?”

“No problem, we can do a lot of sight-seeing.”

“You’re exhausted just by going to (insert place here) for one day, and you’re expecting to drive all the way there for days? I can’t imagine that at all.”

Yeah, I can’t imagine going to Dubai either.

I was supposed to go to Egypt this year. We’d planned among the Malaysian Community to go there and visit the historical sites, renting tour guides and bus and things needed for traveling. But most of us backed out on the last minute because their son/daughter/sister’s (in my case, sister) international school decided to hold their examination on that week. That’s weird you know, because by standard, it was a holiday week in Saudi Arabia, but their school decided to, “Oh let’s be different and torture our students by conducting examinations on that holiday week HAHAHA.”

Pfft. Whatever. So I spent that holiday week in my house, while some others went on a Saudi Arabia tour, some of them went to Egypt, and some went back to Malaysia.

Suddenly, that holiday week happened to be the week of the Egyptian’s riot.

It’s a blessing in disguise! For us, that is. This exam thing. Here I was, in Saudi Arabia, perfectly comfortable and happy, while across the red sea, they were protesting and sacrificing their lives for the good of their country.

Not to mention, the uncle and aunt and their daughter who decided to go to Egypt despite the riot were held back in the airport due to the curfew. And the flight was even delayed for eight hours before that! Imagine that, held back in Saudi for hours, then rode the plane, and finally were held back in Egypt for a whole lot more hours of painful waiting.

They were actually there because of their children, not the pyramids, of course. All of them, (with the exception of one who’d graduated and went back to Malaysia) studied there, and apparently the cost of food is so high the parents brought a lot of food from Saudi for their sake. We knew beforehand that the Tunisian’s riot was pretty bad itself, but Bin Ali stepped down fairly easily, so we didn’t think that Hosni Mubarak would be that stubborn.

We were wrong.

They were held back in the airport because of the curfew, and they could only meet their children the next morning. Imagine sleeping on the hard cold airport’s floor all night, and I don’t even know how Egypt’s airport looks like! And desperation calls for desperate needs, there aren’t any food left in the airport, and there was only one person who sells tea, a cup of tea for 12 Egyptian Dollars! Can you imagine that?

Examination. Blessing in disguise.

Thankfully, they met their children, planned to come back with them to Jeddah (the Malaysian government gave the students free tickets from Cairo to Jeddah), but the airline system wasn’t that efficient, they were on the waiting list for days, until the uncle decided to have a word with the people in charge, and finally, they’d acquired a ticket back home.

And you think everything would be fine.

Yes, I guess the nightmare is over. (although I’m not sure how bad the situation is, according to the students, apparently it’s not as gruesome as some media portrayed it to be, I don’t know)

(but if the prisoners are no longer held captive then it is gruesome in my book!)

But their hostel in Jeddah is utter chaos, apparently. (taking their words directly. I didn’t go there. I don’t go anywhere, really!)

(Because there was a huge flood in Jeddah.)

(That’s another thing to consider.)

The hostel, prepared by the Malaysian Consulate, was a building specifically for Hajj pilgrims to rest before continuing their journey. And because of that, you can expect that the building is more or less abandoned, with dead mice, and dust bunnies, and things like that, as it was only used once a year.

And, there are a lot of students being flown from Cairo to here.

You can probably sleep on the floor, but what about food though? Bathroom? So on and so forth?

I guess the uncle’s family is fortunate enough that they could go to their family house and rest there instead, eat their mother’s cooking and sleep on a comfortable bed. But the rest of the students aren’t that lucky.

Waiting for the next flight to Malaysia, stepping on Saudi Arabia’s soil but not going to Mecca or Medina, wondering what their future will be, how long will their universities be closed, what will happen to Egypt in general…

All the while sitting at the corner of the room in the same clothes you wore yesterday in Cairo.

Where was I?

Oh yeah! I was supposed to talk about airports and airplanes and whatnot.

I’ll continue about that in another post. :D

I thought of a thought.

2011-02-21T01:50:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched a drama where the characters always, always, talk to themselves openly?

For example, imagine this situation. A character was pacing back and forth in his room, obviously troubled beyond words. Biting his fingernails, he said, “I can’t let this secret be known. I must not let anyone knows that she is my daughter.”

And then BHAM! Another character suddenly heard that and complicated the matter further.

Often I found myself saying, “Why do you even monologue with yourself out loud anyway HAHA There really is someone who do that? o.O”

Because trying to think about this logically, if he didn’t blab his secret in the first place, then other character wouldn’t know the secret, and there wouldn’t be endless plot of blackmailing and heartbreaking and whatnot. But if he didn’t blurt it all out, the audience wouldn’t know about what’s going on in his head.

I try to imagine myself in a world where people freely to talk to themselves like it’s not a big deal.

“I need to do my homework. Ahh but I need to water my plants! My plants are dying. Nooo I can’t let that happen! What if it’s dying right this second! Noooo what am I going to do?”

It’ll be a noisy world indeed.

*I guess that's why we have twitter? :D*

Okay, so maybe there are people like that, I just haven’t encountered them yet. It’s odd though how most secrets in dramas are known by eavesdropping on characters when they were having their open monologue fix haha hmm.

This reminds me, I once stumbled across a comment on Youtube. The comment, more or less, said, “I wonder what language do bilingual people think in, dream in?”

I want to think in Arabic! Really I do. But often enough, it’ll be something like this.

I was in Jusco Taman Universiti (wahaha it’s a mall in case you don’t know :D), staring at the juice section, wrinkling my brows.

“How come we have such limited drinks??!!”

Oh. See? I think in English.

Then I’ll think, hey I should monologue in Arabic, just because I CAN WAHAHAHA probably. I mean I can kinda speak Arabic. Broken Arabic. I can hold a conversation. Yes I can.

*oh come on it's not as if other Malaysians who've been studying English all their lives can speak flawless English anyway? :D*

“Eih. Hmm. Hmm?”

WAHAHAHAHA I CAN’T.

Well actually I can, albeit a few seconds late, “Leish 3andana shuway sharb bas??!!”

Might be broken Arabic but hmm…yeah.

I seem to be able to monologue in Japanese better though. Sou sou, nanka muzukashikunai.

But I can’t for the life of me speak Japanese in public. I’m weird like that. 8D

And I can’t for the life of me roll my r. Allow me to demonstrate. MARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAA

I think I sounded a bit like, marllrrlllrra.

What the heck is that?

But I believe the topic of pronunciation deserves another post. o.o

Anyway, back to the monologue thing.

I asked my sister, who goes to an international school, “What language do you think in your head?”

She answered, “English.”

“Before that?”

“Malay.”

“Why is that?”

“Because all the resources are in Malay. Now all I read are English, so I have to think in English. There’s no other way around it.”

Sou sou sonna koto desuyone…

How to say that in Arabic?

Hmm.

Hmm…

Kitha? Hahaha FAIL. x.x

But I have always think and dream in English. And even those people in my dreams, who never speak English to me in real life, spoke English to my face (or at least, in dreams that I can remember). And to think that I went to a national school where all the resources are in Malay, and my parents speak Malay, with a hint of English here and there (not excessively like other parents though) so where did the English come from?

Whoa. I don’t know. :D

I lived in England when I was two months old until I was four years old, maybe that's the reason? :D Maybe? Maybe maybe? Maybe. :D

People are just people, okay?

2011-02-20T02:17:00.001-08:00

So Malaysia is a multiracial country, and because of that, I am used of seeing various people of different races on the streets. There are a lot of foreign workers and international students here as well, so the prospect of seeing a foreigner isn’t terribly exciting.

*unless they’re European/American/British/Australian/all those people with white skin then you’ll probably hear coarse, creepy whispers of “orang putiiiih oraaang putiiiih” or “mat saleeeeh mat sallllleeeeeeh”*

*orang putih = white people = mat saleh*

*I really don’t get how white people got the mat saleh nickname*

*but there you go*

Imagine when a Malaysian decided to travel outside and realize that;

1. You’re a Malaysian. Wahaha!
2. You’re not that surprised to see so many people of different races so close to your eyes.
3. But apparently people are surprised to see how different you are.
4. Makes you wonder how different you are exactly, in terms of eyes/nose/lips/face structures and so on and so forth.
5. I mean sure, now that I think about it, we don’t resemble them that much. We don’t have such gorgeous eyes with amazing hues, small yet high nose, sculptured lips, prominent jaws, high cheekbones, sharp features, smooth like egg skin, curves, voluptuous figures bla bla bla…
6. OMG WE ARE SUCH A CONTRADICTION. lololol
7. What are we exactly? The Asians? I mean we look so…small and vulnerable next to them.
8. Not to mention they’re all that and they’re stinking rich! What gives?

*I might have observed that while drinking copious amount of Jeddah tea (I have no idea what the difference between normal tea and this special blend tea is, not a tea expert, you see) and they gave me such a huge chunk of sugar, I think it worth four cubes in total, and well, I lost track of how many cups I drank, and I might, as well got sugar rush. DIABETES! NO.*

*I was at a function you see, so that’s why I can observe all these gorgeous Arab women in all of their glory.*

*Funny thing happened at the function. I sat at the table. I don’t know anyone there to be honest. I know just one person but she hadn’t come yet. To make it worse she was the host so I can’t possibly spend the rest of the night mingling with her. I look Asian. Southeast Asian to be specific. All of these people were giving me strange glances. Because Southeast Asians in general only come here to work as a maid/labor.*

*Then their maids entered, and seeing me at the table, the maids decided to join me.*

*Bear in mind, all these maids are Asians.*

*They thought I’m a maid as well. Everyone did. Of course, I didn’t wear luxurious evening gown (!!!) or thick Arab style makeup (!!!) I think I wore baju kurung and a makeup so light people can barely see it under these dimmed lights.*

*Not that I went to functions all that much to know how functions really are, you know.*

*Especially not where women dressed like Academy Awards winners. Or nominees. Or attendees. Or whatever.*

*But that’s just the way I am. I’m very understated, you see. I don’t like bright colors. I don’t wish to cause temporary/permanent blindness on people.*

Back to the maid topic.

Seriously, I really don’t mind at all. I met a whole lot of maids here, and they are generally nice people, with a lot of stories to tell, and to tell the truth, I’m no better than them anyway. It’s not easy making money in this world, okay? I need to work my bones for a couple of bucks, and even if I have finally earned some, I love my money too much to spend it on unimportant things.

*what if I need to use the money to buy a super duper miracle itch cream that my mother wouldn’t let me because it is super duper expensive??? You’ll never know.*

*And what if I need to buy a new hard-disk??? Again, you’ll never know.*

I don’t think working as a maid/driver/nanny or anything is as low-class as some people put it. A job is still a job. Better than nothing, better than sitting on the street, begging for money. You still have your bones, you still have your skills, you’re still earning money in the right way, who cares really?

I mean, what gives these bosses to treat their maids cruelly, anyway? They take care of the house for you, they cook for you, your children are in their hands. They could, and I mean they could, sabotage your house for all you know, steal your belongings, poison your food, abuse your child, same way as you abuse them. If you want them to do your errands properly, the least you could do is to treat them properly, like human, for instance.

*though my mother’s ex-maid used to steal something from her. I mean, my mother was nice, she tried to make the maid felt at home, cooked nice food for her, provided shelter for her in our home, but the maid was in desperate need of money I guess*

At the end of the day, we are all humans, aren’t we? No matter if you’re a Caucasian or Arab or Asian, just because some people are from those third countries, it doesn’t mean that they deserve to be treated like that.

And some people, even if they look typical, could very well be richer than you. Who cares really? But some do.

This reminds me of something I once witnessed. Me, my mother and this aunt were talking to a bunch of Asian maids (similar language and what not), they chatted about their workplace, their bosses, their humongous three-storey houses located at one of the most elitist places in Jeddah, wherever that is, and the aunt said, “Hey, I live there too!”

And then they asked, “Really? What’s your mistress’s name?”

Cue for awkward silence.

I kid. The aunt instantly lashed, “What- I’m the mistress!”

Sure. I mean, the aunt’s probably the richest Malaysian in Saudi Arabia. Her husband is the second most important man at this bank (and here, the number one person must be an Arab, so a Malaysian to be the second man is a HUGE deal), and her son is the prince’s freaking classmate lol

But we still look Asian. And by looking like an Asian, it probably means that we are deprived of money and could do nothing but cook and tidy for a mere penny.

Oh, the misconception towards Southeast Asians in general.

One look at me, and they’ll think I’m from the Philippine. (what? Come on I have Thai blood lol)

*scoffing, nose up in the air*

If they heard me talk, they thought I’m Indonesian.

*still scoffing, examining their nails*

When I said I’m from Malaysia, out of the sudden, their reaction is…

“Malaysia? Oh my god you’re my best friend!”

I think KLIA is a great first impression for tourists. I guess. Maybe. Thank you KLIA. lol

But it seems to be the opposite in Switzerland, though. I didn’t get any strange stares from the locals, even though I look Asian and wear a hijab.

Apparently it’s because, “If you’re a tourist then you probably have a lot of money.”

lol what kind of logic is that. Okay, understandable.

Anyway, I just wish people wouldn’t jump to conclusion that easily. I might have contradicted myself somewhere, I might have written something that proves otherwise, but I’m trying very hard to not jump to conclusion and look at it from every aspect before finding a conclusion.

So people! As a Malaysian who grew up in a multiracial country, I can say that;
1. I don’t care how you look, I might be curious of what you’re talking about, because you’re talking in a different language and I’m the type who gets fascinated with languages in general, but all people, no matter what race, are just that, people.
2. Other races are not alien, people! We are people too. We meant no harm.
3. Their races might be infamous of inflicting harm on other people BUT it doesn’t mean that all of them are the same!
4. So what if our job is not as classy as you? So what if we worked as a maid, it’s not as if we’re robbing your money or anything. The maids work for their bosses, same as your husbands who work for their bosses. It’s just a job, come on.
5. And there’s also the case of family names. This tribe, that tribe, honorable family, ancient family, low-class family…

I heard of this happened to my mother’s Malaysian friend’s dear daughter, she couldn’t marry her boyfriend because she’s not from the same background and her ancient ancestors were supposedly the family’s enemy. How very Romeo and Juliet. Minus lust/love thingie of course. Or maybe not. I wouldn’t know.

And you thought racism only occurs when people of different races are together! Ah, how wrong.

Come on people, we’re just people! Ah. He’ll die, she’ll die, you’ll die, I’ll die, then the world will die.

Then you’ll see that you’re not that different from us anyway.

Hiiii blog long time no see :D

2011-02-20T02:15:00.000-08:00

So I figure I’ll take this chance to explain about my disappearance from the internet realm/world in general.

I was sick.

I can’t play the computer or I’ll end up sick again.

So I was in bed. Almost all the time.

Bear in mind that’s typical of me. :D

Actually I’m not sure what I did back then, pretty sure I did almost nothing. :D

Then my brother and sister came to visit! Hooray.

I was still not touching the laptop or else I’ll end up puking at my screen, maybe. Let’s not take the chances, shall we? :D

Then I returned to Malaysia! Hooray.

Except not too hooray here since Malaysia is the land of ghosts and mystical powers (ehem) so I was even more sick. :D <- fake smiley face

I did nothing but watched countless of dramas (English Chinese Korean Japanese Indian Malay Indonesian Philippines Spanish you name it) and played a lot of games (on the PSP PS3 xbox360 NDS what have you).

Then I slowly opened my facebook.

And youtube.

Then I returned back to Saudi Arabia.

And resume my studying. :D

Do you know how peaceful Saudi Arabia is? You can scarcely find any ghost here (ehem).

Months passed by, and I was recovering (the healer here is really good and very nice), and still studying like mad…

When I suddenly remember…

My twitter, and the fact that one of my last tweets is I’m sick or something.

Some people might think I’m dead or something! Not that anyone would, but I don’t wish to disappear forever.

So I decided to update it.

Walla. :D

What kind of post is this? I don’t know. I just thought maybe I should post it. :D

P.S. I still hate doctors.

P.P.S I mean, why would they blame me if the medication's not working? Seriously.

Palestin

2010-05-31T14:13:00.000-07:00

Quite hard to imagine that the country isn’t that far from where I am.

Miles from here, people are being attacked, killed…not only did they barely manage to stand up after the previous attack, Israel decided it wasn’t enough, and attack those who lend a hand as well.

As mentioned by Queen Rania of Jordan:

Every ship that tries to break the blockade is a Ship of Hope for the people of #Gaza.

But Israel attacks them, and according to Malaysiakini, there are approximately twelve Malaysians in that ship. But the national news didn’t report that.

Not sure if the news is false or they didn’t feel the need of publishing that particular information.

I’ve met a couple of Palestinian in Mecca and Medina. As you might have known, those two places are holy cities for the Muslims, and I was often touched by their level of devotion and compassion to our God. They prayed for their safety, for the sake of their country, for their people, anything at all, to escape from the cruelty of Israel.

This is their trial. How are they going to overcome this? How are we going to help them overcome this? Going there and fight along with them?

The only logical thing we could do now is pray for their safety.

Let’s raise our hands and pray.

Amin.

To think that others' trials are bigger than us. Compared to them, ours are just so simple and not at all life-threatening.

Study? You can study. Exam? Figuratively lethal but doesn't really cost you your life. Work? Relationship? Love?

Do you find yourself sitting outside without a shelter, begging for money, no idea if you'll get the chance to eat today, traumatized by gunshots, and things like that? If you somehow have the chance of surfing the net, then I dare say not.

So stop saying your life is meaningless and boring for once. Ton of things to do in this world, things to learn, people do everything in their power to live.

You still have the chance. So wake up and don't take your life for granted.

I'm quite pissed at people who say that life is boring, when people are fighting right and left for their lives, and I myself am struggling for the sake of my own life.

Please, pray for them.

And pray for yourself.

May God bless all of you.

Checklist?

2010-05-25T00:33:00.001-07:00

I’ve always loved Hilary Duff. Kids nowadays grew up with Hannah Montana, but I’m from the Lizzie McGuire era, so you can tell that I’m not that young, but not that old either. I suppose.

But after Lizzie McGuire, Hilary Duff kind of lost her sparks and quietly she faded into the background, and I found myself no longer interested in her movies and life, so I drifted away.

Recently, she did a television movie based on a book by Daniella Bronsky (The Diary of a Working Girl) under the title Beauty and the Briefcase.

Now, I don’t watch chick-flicks all that much. The last chick-flick movie I’ve seen is The Devils Wear Prada, and that is only because my two fashion-lovers brothers tagged me along.

See I have four brothers. Two are fashion lovers and another two are game lovers. But all four are technology lovers. So my life was rather influenced by them. It was nice to talk about fashion and game to them, but sadly, they are unknowledgeable about makeup and girly games, as most guys do. But that’s fine, because I got to tag along into designer stores and gaming stores! Yeah. But I can’t buy anything though. I have no moolah. I couldn’t ask them to buy anything for me either, because then my mom would say, “Why would you waste money on this shirt when it’s exactly the same as the RM20 one?!” Yeah exactly.

I’ve read the Devil Wears Prada book as well, but that was ages ago. I associate chick-lit books with my middle school years, so truthfully I am quite out of the loop.

But I haven’t seen Hilary Duff’s acting for…years. And the synopsis kind of sounded like The Devils Wear Prada + How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days + Confession of a Shopaholic.

Now, I haven’t actually watched the latter movies, but I’ve read the entire Shopaholic series, and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days was often played on TV so I kind of get the gist of it even though I’ve never watched it entirely.

Oh wow a such long introduction. Anyway, I watched it, not too impressed with Hilary Duff’s acting, rather swayed by the entire cast, had a good time with it, and it kind of made me think.

Her character, Lane Daniels (Lane Silverman in the book) didn’t have much luck with men, because she lives in her own fantasy world where she expects her dream guy to have these kinds of specific criteria. And because of that, she misses the potential Mr. Right while keep searching for the imaginary Dream Guy. In the end, the Mr. Right might not be your most ideal type, but he is the most ideal for you.

And that is true. I was flummoxed and sometimes amused as people list the criteria of their ideal partners, and that includes, curly, straight, has dimples, clear skin, exciting, spontaneous, romantic, fair, tan, NC15, NC40, bla bla bla…

I don’t mind if your list has these attributes: kind, gentle, caring, religious, and again, bla bla bla, because you’re going to live with them for eternity and it won’t do to have an evil and cruel partner right?

But as long as you’re comfortable with your significant one and as the infamous phrases go, “I want to wake up everyday next to you,” and “I want to see your face first thing in the morning,” then that’s fine, I think. Well, I don’t have much knowledge about this either because I tend to gloss over ewwy pukey things like this but sometimes people seek for the oddest things in their partners.

So, I don’t believe in checklists. That person may be short or tall or dark or fair or whatever he is but as long as he looks nice to my eyes and strikes me as the right one then that’s the most important, right? I think so.

But I’m not going to think more into this because I’m not too interested in this anyway. It’s fun to see people’s preferences though.

Ideal Clothes for Muslim Girls

2010-05-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

As days go by, I am more convinced that these types of clothing are definitely ideal for a female Muslim.

This is how a female Muslim should typically appear.

Loose clothing and a scarf that covers your head and chest. Saudi has a rule where everyone must wear this kind of garments in its country, and the real reason behind it, or so I was told, is that Muslim females should wear clothes like those admirable women in the prophet's time, because that is the most ideal.

Niqab/burka isn’t a necessity in our religion, but from my observation, people wear it for these reasons:

1. Different beliefs – there are those who interpret God’s messages differently than us.
2. Sun and sand – sunscreen isn’t readily available, and sands could always get into your eyes and nose, and thus this black veil is a protection for their skins and nose.
3. Family tradition – family’s honor is a huge concern here, and one mistake could ruin the entire clan. So to make sure that the family members wouldn’t be talked about around town, female members must cover their identity. It’s fine for men because they can still marry even if their reputations are ruined, but most women cannot. So better to hide than take the risk.
4. Safety – there is a higher risk of a sexy girl to be raped than a veiled girl who’s probably ugly and has no asset underneath those black garments.

So as you can see, niqab is not restricting a woman’s right, but rather, it is protecting them from potential dangers and so on. There is a research here that says Arab women seldom get nasal cancer, simply because they wear niqab.

And truthfully, they need the niqab. Or else the sun will burn their skin and they will be exposed to the risk of nose cancer.

You might not see the men cover their faces in pictures and so on, but actually they do. They wear this scarf calls shmugh on their heads like typical Arabs do—this is to protect their heads from the heat of the sun, and they would wrap the ends of their scarf around their mouth during sandstorm.

So all in all, it is not a necessity in religion, but highly recommended if you wanted to visit the Middle East someday.

That, and you wouldn’t attract the attention of you being a foreigner.

Anyhow, the point of this post is about the ideal clothing for a Muslim female.

I found that many Muslim girls were turned off by Saudi’s clothing rule.

It’s actually convenient, really.

One: Hijab.

(this is a long hijab where you wrap it around your head)

(this is a khimar)

Although many adult women like to wear khimar for the simplicity of it, young women tend to love wearing long scarf and wrap it around their heads.

It is convenient because you don’t have to unlatch your pins and so on if you need to perform your ablution.

It is not as convenient because sometimes it tends to slip off.

But the reason why many people love this is because…

It covers the chin. So you don’t have to wear a separate hijab for praying.

Two: Abaya

Sure, abaya isn’t as fashionable or pretty as jeans or skirts or blouse or so on…

But it is beautiful, and the looseness of it could double up as your praying clothes.

So again, no need to wear separate praying clothes. It’ll save some spaces in your handbag from carrying your praying clothes, right?

Three: Gloves

(I suppose you know how gloves look like and I'm lazy to upload pictures...if you can't tell XD)

Our ablution will be invalid if we touch a guy who has no relation to us.

Such a waste of water to perform ablution again, especially in the Middle East where water doesn’t come by as easily as say…oil.

So saving your ablution is important, and it’s better to take precaution.

Four: Socks

It’s self-explanatory.

But in case you didn’t get it, then feet is also part of the body that needs to be covered, and it’s convenient to wear it instead of wearing long skirts. That way, if the skirt was blown by the wind or something, your feet still weren’t visible.

As for the black? Well, the guys have to wear white, which reflects heat, while the girls have to wear black, which absorbs heat.

If anything, it tells you that girls should always stay at home and don’t go outside too much. Or be prepared to live in your personal sauna.

Restriction or safety?

Depends on your view I suppose.

But anyway, the real reason for the blackness and whiteness is because they want everyone to be treated equally. Surely if you wear sloppy clothes, those shop assistants won’t spare you a glance, but if your clothes are all high-ends from head to toe, they will treat you like you rule the world.

So it’s nice to wear like everyone else, at least people wouldn’t question the amount of money in your pocket.

The only thing they would question is your bag.

But who cares. Maybe she likes the pattern of that cheap bag…right right?

Uhh…yes.

So yes. This is why, my fellow Muslim sisters, abayas are better than jeans and whatnot. It’s convenient.

Okay maybe not so when running.

But you can always wear pants inside and run when situations demand it.

Treat it as a cloak! Or a robe. Then you’ll be like someone from Harry Potter.

Interesting, isn’t it? >:D

Oh God, give me strength.

2010-05-15T00:57:00.000-07:00

I think one of the reasons why I constantly switch blogs and had various nicknames was because I am always ashamed of my own self. Reading the archives made me realized how naïve and foolish I was, despite how those said entries aren’t even a year old. To be honest, this blog hasn’t reached its first anniversary yet. But already I felt as if I’ve grown far mature than the first post of this blog, and if I can, I want to escape from the reality of it and start anew. But that’s cowardly, isn’t it?

From the moment I started this blog, I had different goals in mind. Then a thing led to another, and I found that instead of becoming a blog catering to people, it’s more of a rant space where I can randomly drawl and write whatever on my mind. And for once, my entries are honest because frankly, I don’t want to write stupid things and signed it off with my real name.

Although, most of my entries ARE kind of stupid, but you get the point. At least I no longer am a hypocrite. Freedom of speech/write, so to speak.

I almost never discuss my everyday life, because really, if I were to do that, then I’d be writing, Today I ate cereals, like yesterday, but instead of sugar, I put honey, unlike yesterday, then I did aerobic, like yesterday, then I studied, like yesterday, then it was the listening test, while doing yoga, like yesterday, then I studied some more, like yesterday…

My father always said that always, in a day, the sweetest thing would appear, and if a person is perceivable enough, he would notice. No day is ordinary, and no day is the same.

But I don’t think that particular sweetest thing is worth blogged about. It is sweet alright, but only to me, since I am the only one who can understand it.

I believe that an hour later, I will be smarter than the previous hour, tomorrow I will be smarter again, and next year, I will know a ton of things compared to last year, and experience a whole lot more, more intelligent and mature that I will look down at the old me and feel ashamed of my naivety and stupidity.

But that’s not the most admirable way to go, isn’t it? So yes, I’m trying to accept my flawed past, because without my past, there is, after all, no me.

So now I will continue the hobby that I like best, instead of hanging down my head in shame.

I may not have the talent, I may be wasting my time, but it is my passion, after all.

And so, I will start writing a book again.

And I will NOT, do things for the sake of impressing others. I will do this for my sake, for teaching myself the hardness of life, for preparing myself of things to come.

Because you can't always live under your parents' wings. Or rely solely on your husband. You need to be independent, like it or not, for your own sake. You need to have something that you cherish, something that you love, reminding yourself of how precious you are, so that your life won't be a monotonous line with zilch excitement.

So, I will start being creative again.

Allthewhilestudyingandprogrammingand*insertrandomandtimewastingstuffhere*

Oh Allah, give me strength.

P/S: I think this post is slightly weird. I don't know. My light bulb lights up and my eyes are blinded I think.

Heya Fawda!

2010-05-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

It seems as if most of the news I read nowadays are related to the police corruption, for example, the case of the police shooting a 15 year old boy to death because he illegally drove over the limit. The shooting might happen because he didn’t stop when the police ordered him to (which according to the witness—his friend who went with him but managed to escape early—they were chased by a motorcycle gang because they crashed onto one of their members’ car, so they were scared to stop). Lesson learned, whenever a police orders you to stop, you MUST stop.

Yet, even if you stopped, even if they were cops, it wouldn’t guarantee your safety at all. A girl was caught overspeeding in the middle of the night and she was stopped by the police. But instead of giving her a summon and let her go, the police ordered her to strip her clothes and pose aggressively.

Now…not stop, and you’ll probably get shot. Stop, and there goes your virtue, probably.

(these two cases happened in Malaysia, by the way)

The world is not a happy, safe place anymore. Not only do you have to be aware of criminals, the force isn’t even by your side either.

This reminds me of an Egyptian movie titled “Heya Fawda” (The Chaos). I was ecstatic about this movie at first since it starred two of my favorite Egyptian actors in it, and honestly, this movie didn’t let me down at all.

It portrays the image of a troubled, corrupted policeman and how the power of the community can throw him down.

Sometimes, all you need is a little teamwork. Or as the English-cartoon-which-was-dubbed-in-Malaysian-language-which-was-insanely-popular-with-the-kids-and-grown-up-people-as-well-I-suppose say, “Apa yang penting? kerjasama!”

Okay I don’t know what the exact English phrase in the cartoon is but roughly the line means, “What’s important? Teamwork!”

TRAILER OF THE CHAOSNESS OF IT ALL

OMG THE TRAILER SUCKSSSSSSS

Seriously, just watch the movie straight ahead and ignore this trailer above. English subtitles are available so you don’t need to know Arabic to understand it, which is why I recommend it in the first place. :D You can find it somewhere in the virtual world yeah the net of course did I say torrent? Nope. :P

Some says the movie is not the greatest work of Youssef Chahine, but I haven’t watched lots of his movies, so I can’t comment. One thing I’m positive—this movie is awesome. At least to me.

Anyhow, please, may there be no more corruption in this world.

…sounds too good to be true huh?

The world that I see, is sweeter than in my dreams~

2010-04-28T14:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I woke up from my deep slumber and said,

“Boo it’s just a dream let my cry a river let me cry at the corner—”

Sometimes, I woke up from my sleep with extremely wide eyes and gasped,

“Whoa it’s just a dream!”

Ah…life.

It’s not as fearsome as nightmares, nor is it as sweet as dreams. Just a healthy balance of those two, and well, that is nice, if you think about it.

Thus,

shufti dunya, a7la min al7alimti bih~

That is a lyric excerpt from Nancy Ajram’s song, Elli Kan, which is my ultimate favorite song from her, and the inspiration for this post, I suppose.

The world that I see, is sweeter than in my dreams.

Yes because in my dream, I was this close from being a billionaire! (who knows maybe I’ll be very corrupted by the money in my pocket and that’ll cause my brain to leave me or something)

And this close from being eaten by a shark! (who knows maybe I’ll survive and I’ll be famous but then I would have a change of personality by all the attention and that’ll cause my brain to leave me or something)

(I really love my brain)

Really, not that important. Being average is cool. If you look very hard then you'll see that the life you have now couldn't suit you better, couldn't be even more better. And if your life indeed becomes better, it's because you deserve it, or it's a challenge for you, who knows. And if your life continues to be as it is, well, perhaps change doesn't deserve someone as precious as you, or that change is hazardous to you. Again, who knows.

P/S: Speaking of important I’ve been watching lots of vlogs on youtube and that is not important at all I don’t think I’m trying to cut down on that but I’ve fallen in love with people’s vlogs and no longer blogs HAH! Hee :D

Psistillstalkyoubutyoucouldntseemecuziusegooglereader :P

don't look down on others.

2010-04-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Now, I believe there are two types of people in this world.

Those who basically announce to the world about their busyness and how pack their lives are.

And those who keep quiet, didn’t say a thing, only submit their finished work after the work has been completed.

Which is better, in your opinion?

I suppose more people will choose the second one. Less talk more work?

Now then, that MAY be the case, but somehow, those who mum about their works aren’t getting a lot of respect.

People thought they are unimportant, thus been given the opportunity to just sit around and wiggle their feet doing nothing…important.

They didn’t know that behind their noses, these people work hard, almost madly, to finish their job.

But do all these announcers know that? No. Of course they’d think that the quiet ones are insignificant and unimportant and incompetent and thus been given less work because they are a waste of space and so because of that they didn’t say much because they didn’t have much to say.

Or so they think.

Isn’t it just insulting for someone to say, “Here do this thing. I bet it’ll simulate your brain a bit because…you know…”

Now I’m not one to swear, in fact, I hate swearing, I don’t mind people of other religions swearing, but I SERIOUSLY CAN’T STAND listening/reading Muslims swearing aloud, because…hey do you even know what you’re saying? Now, perhaps people of different religions are thinking that I’m making a big deal out of this, but to see these Muslims, who are SUPPOSED to keep their souls clean and whatnot (I admit my soul is not that clean with what kind of corruption I’ve gotten into but I tried not to show it that much…and kept it to myself, mostly) are spewing blasphemy and openly showing profanity is just…wrong.

I know it’s quite hard to grasp why I loathe seeing them swearing, but that’s not my point. And I don't feel like elaborating that.

Anyway my point is, I’m not one to swear, but listening to that statement, I can’t help but say…

Umm. SERIOUSLY MAN!

Do these people honestly think that those quiet ones are doing nothing in their days?

Like, absolutely nothing significant? Randomly browsing the internet? Is that what you think?

Just because they didn’t tell the world about their ‘busyness’, their brains are not simulated?

I don’t mind if you pour your entire hectic schedule in your blog or twitter or facebook because those are your personal pages and you deserve to write anything you want and no one has the right to control that because that’s YOURS.

But when you talk to someone, say buzz someone online, or call them, and then proceeded to say that, “Oh I’m so busy…oh I have a lot of assignments…oh you know what I can’t really talk to you right now…”

“Then why did you talk to me?”

“Well if I hang up you probably would get mad…”

Seriously?

“I would LOVE to be you for second, I mean, my life is such a chore lately it’s not even funny…”

“My life is busy too.”

“Really…” muttered the person lazily, “Anyway, oh how busy I am…”

Now, it’s fine if this type of situation only occurs once, more in the sense that you’re releasing your tension over your never-ending busyness…

It’s fine if this is the second time, three times even…heck I don’t mind fifth times…

But if your sole purpose of contacting others is to ‘brag’ about your busyness, only calling to compare the busyness between you and her, then you deserve to be smacked.

That’s just plain degrading.

What are you, the president?

What is she? A lowly no-life?

So.

Which one do you want to be, the quiet one or the loud one?

Wait scratch that, be what you want to be, but first, make sure you actually FINISH the job.

It’s laughable when you claim you have a lot of work, which shows how busy and significant and important you are, because you have the most work, but in the end, it just becomes like that because you didn’t do a thing and everything is jumbled together. Accumulated work, you know? Who’s the laughing stock now?

Just saying.

This looks like a rant.

Well I supposed it is.

totally random post it doesn't matter I don't really know

2010-04-18T03:53:00.000-07:00

I somehow change my profession again.

I mean like my whole life is terribly random. I find myself learning programming because I have a dream involving water and me playing in it and you know how water dream means money and stuff no not the wet dream obviously—

I mean. Yeah. Maybe this is it! Maybe this is my destiny!

*I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said that line XD*

For the sake of the world, I will endure. The universe needs my programming skills so I will uhh…yeah continue studying.

Programming is fun though. That’s a plus.

(actually the reason I learn programming is because they need a programmer and I am very techie and stuff so they made me learn one because I need to do some programming yeah I’m repeating too much okay this entry is silly duh)

P/S: Looks like I won't be a tailor anytime soon...well in my household it's easier to buy an iPad then a sewing machine because they would go, "You want a sewing machine??! Puahahahah!" Talking about iPad, I might be getting one...you know, for programming sake. *ehem* Or maybe I'll wait for the second generation.

AND I just realized that everyone in my family uses Macbook except for me and my brother...what's up with that? Why am I using Dell? Why is Macbook so darn expensive? D; But I love Windows 7. Oh yeah go Windows 7 yeah :D

The Highest Compliment of All

2010-04-05T11:46:00.000-07:00

How would you react when someone says,

Your existence is a nuisance. I wish you never exist.

But at least we can counter his statement by saying,

My existence has nothing whatsoever to do with you. We have different objectives in life. Who are you to question God’s creation anyway?

Or something to that extend.

But what if someone says this to you?

Thank God you are here.

Not for being here right at this second, but more of, ‘I’m grateful for your existence.’

All is well if you’ve known that you’ve done miraculous things to the person, but what if you did none of those things, but instead, bother her a lot, consider yourself as a nuisance to her, and always gets in her way?

To hear her say that, isn’t that downright weird?

Perhaps your existence is not a nuisance to her after all?

Doesn’t bother her that much?

She finds that endearing? (or if she doesn’t, you should totally make an effort to change it I suppose...)

No, more than that, your existence turns out to have a significant to someone after all?

I sincerely think that when a person admits that she is grateful for your existence in her life, that is the highest compliment of all.

Or maybe one of the highest. You never know. :D

So start looking at all the people that matters around you, and appreciate their existences.

You are here because of them. Without them, who are you?

Yes I'll be kinder from now on. Yoroshiku m(_ _)m

Thank God for your existence, or else I won't be the person I am today. And I rather not be any other person than the person I am today.

Sincerely,

Huda

p/s: Yay I blogged XD

maybe nonsense can have some sense.

2010-03-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

There is a will from Hassan Al-Bana that says, “Do not waste your time doing nonsense things even for a second,” or something like that.

And I have to say, I don’t think any ordinary human is capable of doing that without reaching for worldly matters for a brief second.

Like we’re supposed to study but we don’t. Like I’m supposed to try my brilliantly genius study plan but here I am blogging.

But there’s a reason, maybe. There’s a reason why I suddenly want to blog. I’ve always loved blogging. I have tons of blogs before, most of those under different nicknames, with this being the first that carries my real name. All because…well…it connected to my facebook, that’s why.

Those other blogs were connected to random forums, and people there knew me by my nickname, and so…that’s why.

Talking about that, I hate how every time I googled for this particular thing, my blog will be the first that popped up.

Tells you how no one shares my view, huh.

Anyway.

Most of the time, after listening to music, this thought will often occur to me…

“I’M WASTING 5 PRECIOUS MINUTES OF MY LIFE BY DOING NOTHING BUT HEARING THIS SONG AHHHHH—”

Because you see, I am NOT AT ALL capable of multitasking, so listening to music, even while surfing the net, is impossible for me.

I have the habit of listening to every aspect of a song, from the voice to the instrumentals to imagining the possible dance and performance and music videos and the crowd’s reactions—

Simply said, my brain couldn’t handle much activity at once.

But it’s always brimming with positivity, deluding me with its sweet words…

AT LEAST I KNOW HOW A KOTO SOUNDS LIKE!

…erm…yeah.

YOU’LL KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS WORD IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE!

…because I always check the lyrics and translations. And ¾ of my song collection consists of foreign songs so…

Naturally, I know quite a lot regarding languages. Kind of. But the point is, at least I’ve been exposed to the beauty of other languages and if there’s a situation that demands such language to be used then I can easily overcome that situation!

And well, it’ll look good on your resume. Hello, I can speak *this language* and *that language*.

(well actually I’m not sure if I can speak those language but I sure do understand those…kind of.)

(but if they asked for certificates then I’m doomed because I learned all of those by myself.)

(but hey, at least you can play all those Japanese games. You know how the American versions of those Japanese games always came out late.)

(…if you learned Japanese, that is.)

Another pointless thing that I did lately is…I watch lots of foreign dramas.

I DID think that it’s pointless.

But my smart brain said that AT LEAST I can stare at a person thoroughly without the paranoia of being caught.

Because…I’m not sure exactly, but apparently I have the habit of observing people…a bit too much.

I remember back then, I was walking with my older sister, and I said, “Hey that girl over there has creases on her pants.”

And she lashed out, “Stop looking at people’s pants you’re embarrassing me!”

And another one.

*saw my distant third-cousin*

“Oh it’s you! No wonder your shirt is familiar.”

“…”

Seriously. Shirt??

Me: :D

Honestly, observing people in real life is tough. You saw a lovey-dovey couple in front of you and all you wanted to do was gawked at them and observed their manners and actions and so on but you can’t because it is an uncouth behavior and you’re supposed to ignore and pretend to not see them so yeah avert your eyes now you should close your eyes!

…but I want to watch them…>.>

So here comes the dramas/series! :D

There, I can observe a person’s personality, their reactions to situations, what people do when confronted with stuff like this, what should we do or shouldn’t do if a person is like this, or was his hair nicely gelled or does it stick at the back, or he has double piercings and a dragon tattoo, or what kind of eyemakeup did she has or whether her lashes clumped, or he wore a jacket in one scene but didn’t in another scene, or anything…at all.

Granted, dramas are often exaggerated to the max and couldn’t be considered as slices of life, or so I was told. But it is fun to see a world created by those people behind the scene, a world where they believe humans would react this way when presented with situations like this, and such circumstances could occur in the most bizarre and unexpected times.

And I also have a habit of watching the making of a drama/movie, and if anything, it only makes me want to be a scriptwriter.

Weird that. Because I totally am aiming to be a tailor as of now.

That is so random.

You know, if I could draw, I would have become a mangaka (comic artist) ages ago.

But alas, I don’t have such talent.

So it used to be…detective>healer>author>tailor>scriptwriter>I’m thinking all I will ever be is a translator or typer (wait is that a word...?).

I can type really…really fast.

All thanks to me doing nonsense things back then by writing [SOME STUFF WON’T TELL YOU WHAT].

If not for that, I don’t think my typing will be fast enough, and I don’t think I will have the pleasure of being a part-time urm...typer.

I will type and they will look at my fingers in fascination. In fact, they often commented that the way I type is like playing the piano.

…maybe I could become a pianist.

…maybe not.

[danger I’m complimenting myself ugh]

[well sometimes you just need to compliment yourself]

[it’s great on getting your spirit high]

SO THE POINT OF THIS POST IS.

You might think that your current actions are pointless…

But in reality, you’ll thank yourself for doing random things in the past…it could become handy sometimes in the future.

I am a living proof. :D

Not that I’m encouraging you to procrastinate or something…

Well…

This post doesn’t really make sense, doesn’t it? =/ XD Oh well. :D

Itslikeyouspendyourtimeinfacebookallthetimebutyoullseethatbydoingthatyougettoknowyourfriendsbetterandwillstrengthenyourrelationshipsandstuffsointheenditsnotsuchatimewastingthingtodoafterall

.busy DNW.

2010-03-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

.I may not be blogging much nowadays because I’m currently…

Writing…

Reading…

Dancing…lol

Headbanging…

Spazzing…

Listening…

[INSERT RANDOM TIME WASTING SONGS HERE]

Drooling…

Debating…

Watching…

[INSERT RANDOM CARTOON IN ARABIC DUB HERE]

Googling…

[INSERT RANDOM ON-TOP-OF-MY-HEAD THING HERE]

And of course…

Memorizing…

[SHALL NOT TELL YOU WHAT I’VE BEEN MEMORIZING…]

But most of all, I’ve been…

And…

And that is my update for the day. :D As you can tell, my day is quite packed. Doing nonsense things of course.

Now you’ve known the blandness of my day.

Puhahaha….:P

Just a thought.

2010-03-13T08:01:00.000-08:00

Even though I now live in the other continent…

I still feel as if Kuala Lumpur is just mere hours from here, Singapore’s a mile away, UTM’s just around the corner, my brothers at their workplaces, my cousins at my hometown, my friends hanging out at Jusco, and me in my home.

Even though we’re separated by the blue sea, I still feel as if they are breathing in the same place as me.

True enough, they’re still on Earth, but I can feel their presences, despite how I can’t freely see them like I used to be.

Well, it's not as if I see them often anyway, huh?

And that is why, I suppose, I don’t feel homesick.

Maybe.

The thought of me living miles away from them never really struck my mind. That is weird.

But I do feel kind of weird talking to my sister, brother and cousins who live abroad. Makes me think how far I am to them.

So double weird there.

Oh well.

:D

Hold your tongue.

2010-03-02T06:09:00.000-08:00

I think being my dad’s phantom is a good thing.

Is it a good thing? I think it’s a good thing. I’m being one at this particular moment, hence the busyness and lack of appearance in several sites that I often frequent.

That, and the fact that my modem decided to unleash his anger on me and refuse to do his job. He won’t connect me to the internet. He refuses to do that. That sucks. And so I resort in ninja-ing someone’s line. Because I, more or less, resemble a ninja more than anything nowadays. I’m very good in being a ninja, I think. I even thought for a second that I’ve grown invisible and could escape from the nosy nose of sitemeter, but that didn’t last long. I suppose sitemeter has reinforced his guarding system and detected my presence even though I tried to act like a ninja. That sucks. But all I ever wanted is to be a spy. Or a secret agent. Or something. But CIA hasn't contacted me yet. Fine. I'll just be a detective then. But I found out that I couldn't really handle dead bodies. Not because the corpses give me goosebumps or anything, it's more of the fact that the unmentionables won't leave me alone. Whatever that is. 8D Or or, I could be an attorney, or a prosecutor even. But I sound like a frog. Or a mouse. Wait. I vaguely remember my friend commenting that my voice sounds like a cartoon character. And that is not a compliment. According to her, that is. Now. Such cartoonish voice couldn't be taken seriously in court, wouldn't it?? I might be shrieking 'Objection' and people wouldn't notice that it's me. And so I wanted to be a spy. Because then people won't hear my cartoonish voice. But CIA hasn't contacted me yet. Wait, I've said that already.

...

Well.

THE POINT IS.

I’m sorry for my absence on YM (…and Twitter…). O.o I’m trying to get my modem to work again! XD

That, and the rest of the time I was online, I kind of was heavily absorbed in the drama that surrounded 2PM and the likes.

Not that I’m a big fan of 2PM, or was I heavily infected when the leader was kicked out of the group, or the revelation that the members turned their backs on the leader, betraying them, as the fans (or should I say, ex-fans?) claimed shocked me senseless, since I don’t follow them that much anyway, so I wouldn’t know, but the point is, it took only a snap of fingers to crumble the wall of respect and loyalty.

Or in this case, it took only a handful of words to make someone lose trust in you, resulting in a cold war between the hottests and the hottest time of the day (uhh…2PM? :D).

Now, some of the hottests (2PM official fanclub) are out to get them, all because 2PM themselves said that the fans didn’t do anything to protect the leader or 2PM from the scandal.

And the leader himself led a dirty life.

And some other stuff.

The fans are furious. Who are they to say that the fans didn’t protect them? And the leader led a dirty life? What a bunch of hypocrites.

Thus they revealed the group’s hard-kept secrets, the horrid truth behind 2PM’s smiling faces, as if mocking, we didn’t protect you? Really, you think so? What is this then? These secrets we’ve kept for years? Leader led a dirty life? Well what do you know, so do you! Fine! You won’t protect leader? Then we won’t protect you anymore. Let the secrets and truth run loose, and let’s see how you manage them when such things happen.

Or so I get the impression.

Moral of the story.

Beware of the things that could escape from your lips. No matter how tired or frustrated you are, it’s unbecoming to add sparks to the fire.

Because the hottests are already burning with rage at the time, so to speak.

On the other hand, perhaps mixing hottests and 2PM will only create more fire, I don’t know.

All of the above shouldn’t be taken seriously. I just feel the need of pointing that out.

We should offer water to the burning fire and watch the sparks died down first. Let the minds think rationally, and if the situation deems it, then propose your thoughts.

But most of all, don't point fingers because as they say, when you point a finger at someone, the rest of your fingers are pointing back at you.

Yes I’ll keep that in mind.

Confess.

2010-02-19T13:33:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure what got into me. Perhaps it was the chilly yet crisp air of Medina’s morning, or maybe it was the ambiance in general, but as I sat there in the Nabawi Mosque, waiting for the Fajr prayer, I come to a conclusion.

God really doesn’t give me what I want, but He always gives me what I need.

I remember how I prayed, and prayed, and prayed more yesterday, hoping that my dream will come true…

But as I sat there earlier this morning, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Supposedly my wish was granted and I got what I wanted, but if it only will cause heartache in the end, why should I bother?

Perhaps all I ever wanted is not what I really need. If my wish would only prove hazardous to me in the end, then maybe it’s best for that wish to be left in the dust, never be granted.

I remember wanting to jump a grade so bad and pass the PTS test. But I didn’t.

I get it now. Fourth Grade is the beginning of my achievement.

I remember how I didn’t particularly care about my UPSR results, but I got good results nonetheless.

Because of this, I gained much respects from others. This is vital, because then I’ll prove to be incapable. But I was respected nonetheless. All because of the UPSR results.

I remember how I wanted to go to this boarding school so bad, but that school never gave me their offer letter, another school did.

In the end, I went back to my public school. I get it now, the reason I wasn’t offered by the boarding school of my dream was because I would have humiliated my sister if they did.

My life was destroyed by this thing called disease.

But this disease is the thing that saves my life. If I didn’t experience it, I won’t have the chance of boarding the plane and live with sands and camels and goats, won’t I?

The only thing I ever wanted was a normal life, like my friends, if you will, but I got nothing of that sort. Because of that, I live an obscure life. Because of that, I am quite isolated from the real world. And because of that, even though my heart is black, my mentality is quite green. And because of that, I somehow have the chance of living here.

I never wished to be here. I’d never dreamed of stepping a foot here at such a young age. I never dreamed of learning Arabic in the first place. That’s too far of a dream for me to obtain. All I ever wanted is a normal life, but I suppose that dream is far too stretched than the dream of living here.

I am not destined to be like them then, I get that. I don’t really care.

If what God gives me is all I need, then I’m fine with that. Really, only God knows best about anything at all.

I know nothing.

And so…

I will just keep on studying, and stop trying.

After all, like they said, you should only give up when you’ve done everything within your power to obtain the stuff. If you give up because things are getting hard, then you should try harder.

I’ve tried everything within my power. If the other party wouldn’t spare me a chance, if they couldn’t open their hearts to accept me, then what more could I say?

I’ve prayed to God. I’ve tried my hardest.

But this is it, then. If I didn’t get it, then it’s okay.

It’s just something that I don’t need.

Maybe something better will come later. Things that will really prove useful to me.

I just need to wait, then.

May better opportunities come to my doorsteps soon.

Amin.

P/S: I should have locked this post, shouldn't I? Private and all.

Well.

I don’t really care.

Ins and Outs February Edition

2010-02-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

Supposedly February is the month for lovers…well, what can I say, such a melodramatic month this is. :D

Ins
>I’m trying to study diligently and avoid distractions so I’ll eliminate all those other ins!
>I bake too much lately due to my mood inconsistencies…piemuffincakelasagnapizzacurrypuffwhoaimawesome (can’t really eliminate this. Baking is good, isn’t it??)

Outs
>Metal songs begone! I love metal to death especially death metal (lol…no actually I like symphonic metal better) but I think my ears are beginning to deafen.
>I watched too many Korean dramas I think I forgot some Arabic and Japanese words so buhbye dramas.
>I must stop listening to those dramas’ soundtracks and daydream about the scenes (or scenes that will never happen but only in my head).
>I don’t like Facebook that much. If only I can say the same about Twitter. Well. CAN’T. D:

Despite all that, I’m going to Medina tomorrow for a couple of days, and I don’t think I’ll have the chance to study there, so I wonder if my resolution will still have its impact when I return.

Hopefully it will. That’s why I wrote this post.

;D

May all of you have a splendid holiday~~~ :D

Me is Me, and You is You

2010-02-15T05:28:00.000-08:00

How distinct are we? Have you ever met a person that reminds you thoroughly of someone else, from the end of her hair to the tip of her toes?

Most often, even if you found someone eerily familiar, there’s always this tiny difference that sets them apart, making them unique in their own ways. Be it with their attitude or their thoughts, there’s no one in the world that resembles you.

So before thinking that you are forgettable or typical, and no one will remember you because others are far spectacular, think again.

In this world, there’s only one you. How lucky they are to know you, because no one else could experience the awesomeness that is you.

Let your own charms shine through. That is the secret for a better you.

Stop pretending to be someone else, because that someone is not you.

Just be yourself, and you’ll see that you’re just as cool.

P/S: Doodling...sleepy...doodling...sigh.

We live in different worlds...or are we?

2010-02-13T11:24:00.000-08:00

Someone brought up this subject.

“Love after marriage is sweeter than love before marriage.”

That is to say, he believed that one could see a person’s true color after spending their lives with each other, day and night, no boundaries, no secrets…sooner or later, there’ll be love in the air, engulfing everyone with happiness, happy ever after, such and such…

That is nice and all, but what if your significant other didn’t, or couldn’t, love you? Our hearts aren’t the same. You could live with each other for eternity and still couldn’t touch his heart. I know this, because I’ve seen it loads of times.

Arranged marriage is not an unusual thing in my family. Granted, my father chose my mother over my grandmother’s choice, but other than that, the rest in my family basically follow the path that the heads of the family had chosen.

Then again, I suppose most of them are happy with their spouses, since they look outwardly bliss?

Even now, my cousins are destined with arranged marriage, either because of status or old friendship sake. There is a situation where someone decided to rebel and turn her back against the marriage, and well, that didn’t have a happy ending.

I’ve always known, or perhaps, hoped that I’ll be married to my family’s choice one day. I’ve noticed that others too have the same conclusion in their heads—that, or I wouldn’t get married at all. Personal reasons and all that. My problems are too much of a burden for a mere stranger anyway.

Being the odd one out has always been my greatest charm, but when it turns out like this, it makes me quite miserable indeed.

And even though my parents have clearly made their point on letting us choose our own partner in life—since their own history of arranged marriage made them wary of recklessly pairing their children with another—I, and perhaps everyone, have always known that I, the black sheep, will be excluded.

They’ll have no choice but to find me a suitor one day, and I can only hope that he’ll be someone as amiable as other’s partner.

I held on that thought.

But as I grow up, I’m not so sure anymore.

Reality isn’t as blissful as TV dramas, or even books, isn’t it? Sure, the books may portray the hardships and conflicts that the characters have to endure and overcome, but most, if not all, realize their mistakes and live happily ever after in the end.

How can we be sure that such things could happen in real life?

Not that I have little faith in life, but I’ve seen enough to conclude that things didn’t go as smoothly as on TV.

Sometimes, I wonder, what a household would be like if a husband didn’t have any respect for his wife?

Forget love. If there’s no respect, how can we be certain that a wife could live her entire life with her chosen husband?

It’s not fair to treat your wife like a nobody when you treated everyone like some sort of royalty.

It’s not fair that the wife didn’t know a thing about your life when you basically know everything about hers.

It’s not fair that the wife is nothing but a pretty vase, only there for your own pleasure, for the beauty and what it’s worth.

It’s not fair that your life is your life, and her life is her life.

My father’s life has always been my mother’s life, regardless of her not experiencing it with her own hands. Heck, even I know every single thing about my parents’ lives, since they always discuss and share their day over high tea. They would share their views, support each other’s decisions, criticize their actions, diligently listening to whatever comes out from each other’s mouth…

I am a pampered kid. I thought my parents are ordinary, but that’s not the case apparently. I never realized how outspoken they are, and how quiet some households are.

That makes me sad.

To everyone out there, please, reach out your hands, invite your spouses to your life, to your world.

Don’t take the word matrimony for granted. It’s the joining of two souls isn’t it? Make use of it! Don’t let your wife sheds more tears due to your inconsideration—no, don’t even let their eyes crystallized with shame for marrying you.

May both of you live happily ever after with loads of love until the end of time.

P/S: cringe-worthy English in this post. I know >.>

You've been awarded~! :D

2010-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

My first reaction when Olivia from The Land of Makeup Obscurity tagged me was: WHOA I WAS TAGGED! :O AND AWARDED! OH! :O

So here are the rules for the award:

1. To accept the award, you must post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted you the award, and a link to their blog.

2. Pass the award on to approximately 10-15 other blogs that you recently discovered and think are great!

3. Contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

And the award goes to…

1. Pink Sith
2. KESUMA HATI
3. My Makeup Reviews
4. Hearts unbroken and words untold
5. Daniel Schaumann
6. Vincent Bals
7. Into The Palette
8. From Head To Toe
9. Rouge Deluxe
10. a penny for your thoughts.
11. La.La.Land
12. being me...shades of grey
13. My Lens

(I need to think this through because some people wouldn’t want to be awarded, wouldn’t they?)

(If you wish to not be awarded then tell me and I'll delete your name from the list.)

This is tough. Well. Bye bye. :D

(and I'll contact you...soon...uhh...soon.)

Vanity Fair...?

2010-02-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

This post today is brought to you by the overly girl thingy that is Jill Stuart PSP!

Jill Stuart the fashion brand is known for its clean-cut and elegancy (I think) while the cosmetic brand (which is centered in Japan) has more of a frilly and princess-y vibe. I mean, look at this.

Jill Stuart fashion

Jill Stuart cosmetic

As usual with typical Japanese makeup brand, Jill Stuart cosmetic products lean towards the sheer side. Pearlescent and shimmery, the strong point lies in their cute packaging rather than the product itself. There are tons of better products out there, but none of them matches Jill Stuart in terms of packaging. At least, not to me.

I’ve never come into close contact with the fashion brand before, so I can’t comment on that.

Both the makeup and clothes aren’t available in Malaysia, which is a shame, so back then, I would often ogle at Etude House cosmetic stuff instead, because those are cute too.

(but actually I was once fascinated by Etude House because of Go Ah Ra)
(then Jang Geun Seuk caught my attention, I suppose.)
(but then they replaced GAR with Park Shin Hye and I was mildly disappointed.)
(but JGS and PSH CMs together are cuteeeee)
(right now they’ve replaced JGS with Lee Min Ho aka Boys over Flower lead actor, so my fascination is slightly lukewarm.)
(no JGS and PSH CMs didn’t make me a happy camper. T.T)
(but at least they have their drama)
(where was I?)
(Right.)

Now, back to Jill Stuart. I mean PSP.

Well, this PSP looks ordinary to be honest. Just a pink PSP that’s somehow get labeled as Jill Stuart. I could whip this out in public and none could tell that this PSP is THE PSP by Jill Stuart. Unless they decided to stick some frills and bows or some crystals then this isn’t worth purchasing. But I expect most would like to decorate it themselves.

(that's Gaki-san cell phone! :O)

Because decoden is totally every girl’s hobby…no? Oh. Okay. 8D

The bag is the only redeeming factor of the whole thing…but it’s a limited item.

Imagine totting that around…okay I can’t.

It’s amusing on how the attraction of a packaging could lure a person into the dark realm of purchasing. I mean, if Jill Stuart didn’t have such fancy cases, I wouldn’t be charmed.

I might as well buy Coffret D’or or SUQQU.

Then again, if SUQQU isn’t such a classy brand, I wouldn’t be lured in either.

Why buy an LV bag if you hated the monogram? For the name?

This sounds odd, but I was enlightened with the fact that a person, or rather, female, ‘standard’ here is evaluated by her choice in purses and shoes.

Well, since all of us basically wear black garments from head to…ankle, then the only thing visible to the public eyes, or female eyes, so to speak, is the bag on their shoulders, and the footwear on their foot.

If you wear these, then you are chic.

Teenagers: Converse sneakers and Benetton bags
Young adults: Heels/flats and Coach/Burberry bags
Adults: Heels and LV/Marc Jacobs bags

Me: Seriously? Converse shoes?
My 14 year old friend who treats me like I’m 16: Yes! You need to buy one. Seriously, it’ll make you appear trendy.
Me: I think I’m supposed to wear heels.
That 14 year old friend: Heels are for young adults! We young girls should wear sneakers!
Me: Urm…I…urm…I’m 20 you know.

Asians sure take their time in maturing…the face, I mean. XD

Or maybe because I indeed, wear sneakers and a Benetton bag…

Does this mean that I need to have a pair of Louboutin pumps and a Burberry tote bag to act my age?

DX

And I thought such things wouldn’t be noticed here. XD Everyone wears black, and it gives such an appearance of humbleness, I was almost deceived.

It’s understandable though. Black clothes. Eyes automatically focused on colorful things. Bags and shoes obviously. People do once-over. Bla bla bla.

Ack. D:

P/S: I want a Jill Stuart bag.

SPEAK!

2010-02-03T09:39:00.000-08:00

“Do you like me? Really, do you honestly like me?”

What if you don’t? Would you lie? Would you tell the truth? Risking on hurting his/her heart?

But it’s better than to thoroughly ignore the person, isn’t it?

“Why aren’t you talking to me? Are you ignoring me? Have you forgotten about me? What have I done? Tell me!”

Yeah. Tell her. Why did you ignore her, but still watch her back? Why did you thoroughly shut her away from your life, but still ask for her news?

SPEAK. Nothing could be solved by silencing your thoughts. You think your friend did something wrong? Tell him. You like someone else? Tell her. You think he has something stuck in his teeth? TELL HIM ALREADY.

Don’t be such a coward and stand in the dark. No one could see you there anyway. Advance, walk forward, let your existence be noticed, speak your mind. Take the risk. Do what you think is best.

Hoping for money to land from the sky is such a far-stretched dream.

If things didn’t go as planned, then advance further. Leave the bitter memories behind. At least you’ve done your best. At least you’ve done SOMETHING. Better than regretting that you’ve done NOTHING.

Because NOTHING equals NONEXISTENT.

Take the plunge and do it already!

P/S: Just mildly aggravated by the fact that a friend of mine is being abandoned by her…yeah whatever that is.

Headache, maybe.

2010-01-28T13:25:00.000-08:00

(my English in horrendous in this post...I don't know why~~~ D: Tired, maybe? :|)

There are several things that caused my head to throb when I first came here.

One of them is the Persian language.

There’s a channel called MBC Persia, which broadcast western movies with Persian subtitles. I can’t watch the channel at first because my eyes tend to waver towards the subtitles, demanding my brain on why it couldn’t be deciphered.

Of course...it’s in Persian.

And I don’t understand Persian, at all.

It feels like…this is so familiar yet so strange. I know this word but how come it’s so weird?

I kind of understood what they said but at the same time, I don't.

I can read this word but I don't really think so.

That is so weird, right? XD

Then, I began to venture into the world of Arabic dramas, trying to grasp their dialects. I examined the music of the Middle East as well, and noticed on how the industry is monopolized with Egyptian and Lebanese dialects. Most of the singers came from these countries, so I guess that's why.

Thus, it’s interesting to hear that most of the dramas use the Syria dialect.

And yes, no one here really speaks Modern Standard Arabic (MSA).

Because, well, you can’t really survive here by speaking in Fus7a (MSA). People will laugh at you…for sure.

Oh well, more on that later. (I think I’ve written that on my other post as well…and I’ve yet to elaborate the matter further regarding that topic…but well…I need to wake up early tomorrow—going out on a trip! :D)

For the time being, I’ll show you something Persian related.

مسلسل نبي الله يوسف الصديق - Prophet Yusuf As-sadiq Series

(You can watch the rest on Youtube)

I’ve only watched the series for about…half an hour? Not because it bores me (I love this kind of story) but I was straining my brain hard on figuring what kind of dialect is this.

(I downloaded the series so there‘s no description on the language etc etc D:)

Half an hour later, I realized that if this language gave me a headache (and by headache, I mean, this language sounds so familiar yet so strange), then it must be…

Persian!

D:

Slow…yeah I suppose I was a tad slow.

Oh well. Hope you like the series. :D

If only it’s in Arabic~ D:

Maybe I should learn Persian as well~

I HAS THE TUMBLR! :O

2010-01-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

"I'll be moving to Tumblr..."

D:

"From now on, I will only update on Tumblr..."

:O

"I won't use this blog anymore, so check me out on Tumblr..."

XO <- that's obviously not a kiss and hug emoticons...

nooo why does everyone move to tumblr???

WELL.

ERM.

AHH.

So off I went to the land of Tumblr to see what's so great about it...

And made myself an account. o.o

Well I'm off to check out some people...

Not sure if I'll follow them though. I've somehow posted odd things on my tumblr. o.O

Oh well.

*plays with Tumblr*

http://arhuda.tumblr.com/ <- in case you want to check out mine...not that you want...but well...just in case.

...

AHAH!

I get it now!

February is the odd month.

January is the emo month.

Okay.

Oh it's not February yet.

x.x

Safar then!

...

What kind of a blogpost is this...?

I want a carnation.

2010-01-26T05:06:00.000-08:00

(the title is so random.)

I was struck by this particular quote.

“Meeting someone and having a very positive and powerful attraction to them right away is a sign that this is someone we have loved well before.”

I don’t believe in reincarnation however.

A myth by Amr Al-Makki.

God created the hearts seven thousand years before the bodies and kept them in the station of proximity to Himself and He created the spirits seven thousand years before the hearts and kept them in the garden of intimate fellowship (uns) with Himself, and the consciences -- the innermost part -- He created seven thousand years before the spirits and kept them in the degree of union (waṣl) with Himself. Then he imprisoned the conscience in the spirit and the spirit in the heart and the heart in the body. Then He tested them and sent prophets, and then each began to seek its own station. The body occupied itself with prayer, the heart attained to love, the spirit arrived at proximity to its Lord, and the innermost part found rest in union with Him.

Conscience -> Spirit -> Heart -> Body

Then conscience is in the spirit, the spirit is in the heart, and the heart is in the body.

The body is not forever ours.

We didn’t carry our hearts to the afterlife either…or will we?

Spirit defines us, and conscience accompanies us.

Is it possible for us to be born again in this world? I am led to believe that the reason we are here is to prove our worth and overcome all these trials.

Hajj is a trial as well.

Adam and Eve didn’t come to this world for fun—they did a terrible mistake, and they were here as a punishment, to repent themselves.

You couldn’t possibly get a second chance, could you?

Thus, reincarnation – not possible in my book. Even the Quran has stated several times that we will all be resurrected on the judgment day, and that’s where all of our deeds will be calculated, to hell, or to heaven, only God knows.

If we did well in this life, then we’ll be awarded with an afterlife that we deserved. The world is a platform to show our worth, to show that we are not as vulnerable and weak, to show that we can overcome every trial that lands on our way.

I’m repeating myself.

Well.

More on that later.

Rest in Peace

2010-01-26T04:43:00.000-08:00

Something that I know pretty well (and learned) by now is that after the death of a person, he didn’t rise to the skies just yet, but linger on earth for a good seven days.

I couldn’t find more information about it on the net, which is odd, but well, you can never trust the internet much nowadays, especially not concerning sensitive topic as this.

(Believe me...don't believe me...I don't really care.)

That is why, people with a faint heart or weak resistance aren’t recommended in attending funerals. Not because of the whole corpse looks spooky or anything, it’s because the soul is still there, watching your every move, before finally saying goodbye.

(and also, some people have their own companion, and the companion will be there as well, but let’s not venture into that topic.)

So take the chance to wish wellness and pray for your deceased loved ones, may he could rise to the skies without much difficulties, and may he will be placed amongst the good people.

Amin.

In memory of our late Sultan.

Better late than never? :D

Attraction is a curious thing.

2010-01-24T00:55:00.000-08:00

So, let’s see. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual.

Those didn’t sound remotely off-putting or even odd nowadays.

It was considered taboo, once upon a time, but the society began to accept it more and treat it like a normal thing.

Although, I suppose in various religions, it’s still a forbidden thing. But some people couldn’t control their preference, I understand that.

It’s better to embrace it than fight it, right? Liking a girl and be happy is better than pretending to like a boy and be miserable. You only live once. You don’t want to die in misery. I want to say that maybe this odd feeling is a trial given by God to test your patience and faith, but not everyone believes in God, so I can’t really say much about that.

Still, it is a twisted thing. A female (Eve) was created from a male’s rib (Adam), so that the female would be close to his side, a sign that female and male belong together. Their love will continue to the heaven after they die, a throne for the king, a throne for the queen, with angels at their commands. There are no two kings, no two queens. Only a pair of king and queen, so you see, in various religions, there is no place for same-sex relationships, it’s simply not meant to be. Even naturally speaking, it couldn't be done. And by naturally, I mean...nature.

Reminds me of the ruckus over Ms California’s answer last year, where she said, “In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

Religion aside, I learned that the reason why humans are attracted to each other is because they found their partner complimented their beauty and good for reproducing. Science is an odd thing, but yes, apparently the human’s instinct led them in finding the perfect companion for reproduction, producing offspring that will carry their legacy.

That is why, sometimes you’ll be attracted to those that carry the same features as yours. Most of the time, couples in marriage have striking resemblance with each other, and I heard it all the time while attending wedding ceremonies, “They look like siblings!” or, “How cute, he looks like her!”

…which sounds weird in that context, but trust me, it was a high compliment to be received by a couple.

Now, same-sex relationships just busted that theory, doesn’t it? There is something else that provoke attractions, and not only due to reproduction sake.

Because obviously you can’t reproduce with two…yeah…too much information alert? o.O

Anyway, I happened to attend a lecture on this subject the other day, and it froze my brain.

*scratch head*

(I’m beginning to think that I indeed learned the darnedest things nowadays…)

To the boys, do you find…uhh…The Kaulitz twins beautiful, by chance? (Tokio Hotel has definitely caught a lot of young maiden’s hearts…)
To the girls, do you find…urm…Megan Fox hot? (I can’t think of anyone else…)

Well, if you do, then apparently, you’re not 100% straight.

Oh wow WHAT?! XD

Now, I’ve been told that all of us stand on the middle of the line, and we are prone of liking men or women. Some girls are closer to the male side, thus liking men, while some others are closer to the female side, making them lesbian.

Or, you could waver from that other end to the other end and become both—bisexual.

Being 100% straight is simply impossible. At most, you’ll only be 99% straight. There’s always that 1% that distorted your orientation. You never know, you’ll find a girl hot one fine day.

Attraction is a bizarre thing, they said, and attraction didn’t recognize gender. It’s possible to be straight and like a girl at the same time. It just means that you’re 80% straight and 20% lesbian. Same could be said with men, and that’s why sometimes, when you look at someone, you found them exceptionally attractive, even though they are the same gender as you.

Now…Hmm. Well.

I don’t thoroughly agree with that. There is something called ‘respect’ and ‘admiration’, isn’t it? If I found a cat visually attractive, does that change my orientation? It’s not as if I want to hook up with a cat, right?

…that sounds weird.

Anyway, let’s take it this way. I’m sure that nearly everyone has seen plenty of beautiful celebrities on TV, and once in a while, will find them hot or attractive, enough to make your heart beat. You’ll gush over them, but there are those that you didn’t fall in love with, just merely appreciate the beauty and the talent, but still, you gush over them anyhow.

Is that possible? To appreciate the celebrity and not fall romantically?

Well, if she/he somehow found a partner in life, and you didn’t pluck your hair in rage, then yeah, you were attracted to them because of admiration. Not because of reproduction sake.

Or love. Okay.

I love two people, and those are xi and sa. Hence the xisa.

But not romantically, of course. I would gag before hooking up with either of them.

Now, xi happens to be male, and sa is a female. Does that make me bisexual?

When I was in the fandom, people looked at me strangely for not crushing over xi. I seem to like him for different reasons. And that was odd, apparently.

But I didn’t like him that way. I just simply admire him. Is that weird?

Same could be said with sa. And I happen to fangirl sa more than xi. Does that make me more lesbian?

I don’t think so. Never in my mind would I want to actually hook up with either of them.

It’s just merely respect and admiration.

And these things that say a girl admires another girl because she’s 20% lesbian, is laughable.

You don’t fall in love easily, you know.

Love is a magical thing.

…this post is strangely…

Anyhow.

Finding people attractive, regardless of gender, doesn’t distort your orientation even further.

Attraction doesn’t necessarily attract love, but love depends on attraction.

I’m not making any sense.

Oh well.

:D

P/S: I hope anyone wouldn't find this offensive. It's just that attraction is a very odd thing. That is all.

Kill it or save it?

2010-01-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

(I was thinking of posting about Umrah, but decided not to.)

(I also thought of posting about this amusing thing, but suddenly I don’t have the motivation.)

O.O

Oh Nashuha, why must you live at the other side of the continent and sleep earlier than me? I need to talk to you pronto. Now I have no one to talk to, just my blog, but my blog couldn’t sooth me you know. Well, serve you right for knowing my secret! Muahahaha D:

Well.

Have you had the feeling that you like something, tried to acquire it with all of your power, did every possible thing that you could, but then you hate it with all of your passion, wanting it to vanish for eternity, never to be seen by your eyes again? You want it like nobody’s business at first, but out of a sudden, your confidence crumbled, and all you ever wanted is to have nothing to do with that thing.

This…thing. *wargh kills it with a machinegun*

Now, what should you do when this thing happen?

First, talk to someone that you trust.
>My secretkeeper is in dreamland.

Second, clear up your mind.
>My mind is clear, but my senses are depressed.

Third, distract your mind.
>Distracting now! I feel less like a loser.

Fourth, reevaluate your choices with your rational mind. Weigh down the pros and cons, and don’t let your emotions blind you.
>Now this is hard.

If you’re having difficulties with step number four, it is wise to ask for help from your trusted person.
>But she’s asleep!

If you’re having difficulties with the previous step, it is wise to keep on distracting your mind.
>Yes.

When your emotions are all behind you, then weigh down the possibilities and make your decision.
>Okay.

Make sure that once the decision is made, stick with it, and don’t let any foreign sensation clouded your heart again.
>I’ll try.

YOU NEED TO.
>…oookay.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you are having difficulties in making choices, then kindly follow my brain’s advice. I know, she sounds like a robot, but well, you know how brains are.

(okay I kid it’s all me I’m just having this rare drama queen moment)

Hope this post proves useful.

:D <- a forced grin.

I need to be cheered up. T_____________________T

EDIT: After much thinking, I've decided that my quest in life is to make everyone happy. Yay? :D <- this is a genuine grin.

EDIT2: I think I've just made someone very, very happy and that made me happy too (*^^*) ngeeeh :D

UMRAH! :D

2010-01-20T01:40:00.000-08:00

(sorry for the messiness of this post, I don't have time to proofread XD)

Tomorrow is weekend!

In this part of the world, Thursday is the weekend while Saturday is the first day of the week. :D And today is a half-day, because Wednesday is the last weekday.

Awesome? Well, it did take a lot of time to get used to.

So, since today is a half-day, we decided to go to Mecca and perform our Umrah! :D We'll be staying there for a couple of days, so I'll be gone for a while. I will miss my blog (and twitter) for sure. XD

Masjidil Haram! This is taken during my Hajj’s pilgrimage.

This is also taken during my Hajj’s pilgrimage, specifically on the third floor. Look at those people…*faints*

I suppose the only time when the Kaabah is actually free of people is during the annual cleaning by the Mayor of Mecca. He’d done it earlier this year, and it consisted of him and his people performing the tawaf around the Kaabah and performing Dhuha prayer inside the Baitullah. I saw it on TV.

There’s also something else that I saw on TV. It was a few days after Gregorian New Year, and they were performing the Dhuha prayer for two hours, from 8 am to 10 am. Very long, isn’t it? But seriously, it was one of the most touching moments I’ve ever seen. The way the Imam recited the surah during the prayer managed to awaken the emotional side of me and I suddenly had the urge of bawling my eyes out. T.T

Oh, and just so you know, the TV broadcasts every prayer on TV. :D So you can tell if Masjidil Haram is currently packed with people or not. And from what I saw, it wasn’t as hectic.

Well, compared to the time during Hajj and Ramadhan months, of course. :D Those times are the busiest times ever, so much that these sights are not unusual to be seen in this land at all.

No police is going to catch you for sitting on top of a car either. Do it at your own risk. :D

Oh, and if your five-seated car has ten people in it, then it’s also okay.

Can you tell I’m rushing? I need to get ready! XD

I hope everything will go well, and may our Umrah will be accepted by Allah. Amin.

I’ll pray that all of your deepest wishes would come true, and may Allah grant what he thinks is best for you.

To everyone who’s going out on a trip or something as well, I hope you’ll have a safe trip!
Semoga selamat perjalanan pergi balik!
Taru7i wa tarja3i bil salama (lazy to switch font lol)
Itterasshai! (lazy to switch font again XD)

Bye for a couple of days! :D

Inferiority, Rejection, Jealousy...

2010-01-19T01:38:00.000-08:00

(And then there’s the study of human’s emotions…which I have no idea about.)

(It all started when she began to talk about the matters of the heart and want us to submit our own opinions. And me: O.O NOOOOO WARGH NOOOOO >.<)

(Seriously, I think everyone is taking revenge on me. >.>)

(Oh well.)

A dainty poetry could portray a thousand emotions through a single sentence, could be interpreted in every way imaginable, and could be related by anyone with different circumstances. All it takes is to keep asking questions, and you’ll get your answers.

Providing you have enough clue, of course.

Inferiority, Rejection, Jealousy…well, these are common topics to be brought up.

The Weed and the Rose
>I am nothing but a lowly weed, scentless and wild, completely ordinary in the garden of bloom. Yet you chose me instead of the heavenly roses, captivating me with your stupendous persona. Your presence is too much to bear, I am fragile and not all that rare, so why, I come to think, that you chose me, instead of them?

The Weed is having some confidence issues.

I don’t blame it—her.

But then, we would ask the girls, “Why would you choose a simple summer dress instead of a pair of elaborate jeans?”

Well, comfort aside, I suppose the right answer would be, it all depends on our preference. We may not think that we are up to their standards, but in the end, their opinions hardly matter. The only opinion that you should hear is the one that comes out from the significant person’s mouth.

I’ll be frank and admit that when I saw these people with their loved ones, I often wonder, what did they see in their significant ones, so much for them to act like a fool?

Yes, I am often amazed on how love could turn you into a fool.

OH NO I JUST GAGGGG.

Blergh blergh blergh

Oh yes.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Now, back to topic.

If your significant other thinks that you’re perfect, then that’s the only thing that matters. Who cares if others beg to differ, they’re just jealous so blah. Shoo.

You’re perfect for him, so you shouldn’t say things like, “I’m much inferior to him…I don’t deserve his—”

Orz

Again, I’ve concluded that it’s just a matter of preferences, and beauty is indeed, in the eyes of the beholder.

But then, there’s this, “You’re perfect for me. I must have you despite how you seem to think otherwise!"

The Diamond and the Gold
>I am someone worthy of his throne, delicate and unique, together, we bond. But why, oh why, did he take my heart away, and plunge it simply, with nothing much to say?

It just so happens that the diamond didn’t find the allure of a rose gold as enchanting as say…platinum.

Rejection has become too common it’s almost scary. It takes a whole lot of courage to step up and confess your feelings, and even then, you couldn’t be sure of the outcome.

It’ll be mighty dandy is he accepts your confession, but what if he rejects it?

Major awkward alert.

Definitely more awkward if both of you are friends.

I suppose you shouldn’t pursue a person who didn’t return your feelings. It could annoy him greatly, and well, try to open your eyes and see the world from a different perspective.

You’re not going to let a man destroys your life, would you?

(because I heard it all the time, “I will die if he leaves me!”)

…no comment.

Stop being weak for once and handle rejection with grace! Maybe he’s not the one, maybe he’s not good enough for you, or maybe it’s the total opposite…

But nonetheless, what is life without trials? You just need to keep searching, and don’t hang on something that wouldn’t give you the comfort you seek.

Then again, the heart of a person could change, and sometimes, there are rare cases of being possessive.

The Bee and the Nectar
>For years, I held my nose high, unwilling to make way, unwilling to compromise. Yet why did I feel, a slight tinge of jealousy, when he finally found a she, and that is not me?

You’ve rejected him, you thought you didn’t care, but once he’s out from your reach, you sought for him.

That’s not admirable at all.

I hate when that happened, because then, you’ll be ruining a perfectly well relationship, and you’ll be planting false hope in his heart.

If the sight of a person used to appall you so much, then why bother now? What is this feeling? Is it love, or is it possessiveness?

Let them be happy. You’ll find your own happiness sooner or later, if you persevere.

So I’ve concluded that…

You shouldn’t be ashamed of your own flaws. You are a diamond in the rough to his eyes, despite what others say.
Accept rejection with dignity. Do not hang on something that could only graze your heart with pain.
Do not lick your own spit. Ngahahaha. Eww? :D

YAY FOR CONCLUDING WHILE BLOGGING. Multitasking is awesome. :D

P/S: Post paling poyo.

The Attack of the Thirteenth Final Fantasy

2010-01-18T01:29:00.000-08:00

Years back, I told my brothers that I’m going to save my money and buy Final Fantasy XIII and Final Fantasy Versus XIII by my own, because none of them showed enough interest in playing the games as opposed to me.

I reckon they think that Final Fantasy is too sissy so it should only be played by girls like yours truly.

“Heeey,” I countered, “It was you who converted me to the glory of Final Fantasy world.”

“Final Fantasy is the ‘it’ game, once upon a time.”

And apparently, once upon a time is not now.

But I digressed. WATCH THE TRAILER!

(This is Final Fantasy XIII. Frankly, I adore the characters in Final Fantasy Versus XIII more.)

Seriously, I’ve been waiting for years! In fact, while watching this, I was on the verge of—of—

Hehehe. :D

But really, back then, I'd sit in front of the computer, always waiting for new updates, gawking at new pictures, replaying the leaked Japanese clips, punching my pillow at the thought of never playing this game—

(The reaction is more intense while watching Final Fantasy Versus XIII.)

(and oh. I haven’t checked on new updates lately because I’ve been busy…I suppose you can’t tell, but I really am busy you know. :P)

And now, at long last, the international version will finally be released in March, and I don’t have a PS3 or an XBOX360 with me.

;O

Stuff like this makes you wish that you’re back in Malaysia. Because, you know, that’s where all the consoles are.

:3

(well due to several reasons, Malaysia gives me goosebumps, and maybe I'll write more about it later, once I have enough motivation.)

(anyway, back to the actual topic…)

(would be MORE awesome if I have all the consoles with me right now)

(but ehh…I’ll make do with Machinarium, which, in my opinion, is a wonderful game as well.)

(check the trailer! Huhuhu)

(I still don’t have enough money to buy the games though.)

(and by games, I mean Final Fantasy XIII and Final Fantasy Versus XIII.)

(why am I writing in brackets? Oh eh.)

Okay so, that concludes this post. :D

P/S: pretty sure that I tagged nearly every post in this blog as 'random'...but this blog has indeed, been too random and personal for my own liking. Well. Oh well.

Instinct vs Second Opinion

2010-01-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

(weird post alert weird post alert)

I mostly live my life based on my instinct. And it usually goes something like this.

Me: I want to buy this thing.
My head: This is expensive.
My heart: You probably wouldn’t come here until the next movie comes out, so you've plenty of time to save up your money anyway.
My hand: Hurry up and grab it already.
My leg: Hurry before anyone sees you!

It is vital to run before anyone sees me succumbing to the evilness that is spending, because then, they’ll ask, “What did you buy?”

And I will stand there, plastering my face with an idiotic grin. “Oh, you know…”

“No,” they’ll retort, “I don’t.”

T.T Can’t you pretend to at least know? T.T

(wait why did I write ‘they’ when it’s an ‘I’ uhh…)

I only ask for a second opinion when my entire existence clashed with each other. I don’t appreciate sudden second opinion because then, it’ll go like this.

Me: I want to submit this.
My head: THIS IS LAME.
My heart: You’ll never know if it’s lame or not until the person gives her evaluation.
My hands: Hand it hand it hand it already…
My legs: Faster!!! It’ll decrease the pain.

(Trust me, this only happen in a second or so…or. Erm. I for sure did not freeze the time.)

And then there’s the second opinion.

Her: Maybe you need to reproof that!
Her head: Don’t want me to nag about it later.
Her heart: Don’t want me to regret about it later.
Her hands: Trying hard to resist from battling my hands.
Her legs: Is asleep. Maybe.

My entire existence: Oh. Uhh. So I shouldn’t…submit this?

Her entire existence is loudly shouting, “NO!”

Me: I’m contemplating-wait. I never contemplate.
My head: Follow your heart.
My heart: Follow your head.
My hands: Follow me?!
My legs: Pfft you can’t even walk.

Sometimes, I wonder…

I’ve been fine for the past years listening to the bickering of my weird parts, so should I add the voice of others to the mix? In a way, it did falter my confidence. My instinct is always courageous, but the voice of others is holding me back. But admittedly, those voices did provide new dimension to my rather secluded mind-heart-hand-leg, so I couldn’t blindly brush them off.

Instinct and second opinion, which do you prefer?

For me, it's...

I...

...I’m not even sure anymore.

Oh well.

Head, always the logical.
Heart, always the sensible.
Hands, always the courageous.
Legs, always the cowardice.

YOU ARE NOT HELPING AT ALL.

P/S: THIS IS SUCH A WEIRD POST. But yes, I'm having mixed thoughts now.

Stalking the Flags...

2010-01-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure how many times I’ve mentioned this to other people, but really, drawing KSA’s flag is kind of hard.

I mean, look at the flag! (...and yes, if you happened to see your feedjit bombarded with this little green flag, then it's probably me...)

(But hey! I usually left a comment so no worries about me stalking your blog or something...)

Writing the Khat is really harder than it looks. To make it as neat as the above is definitely a tedious task. It's actually a rather complicated flag...

That being said, some countries have a fairly simple flag. I was browsing my Feedjit tracker (*gulp*) and noticed quite a few things.

Ireland and India kind of have the same color combination, didn’t they? XD (The Ireland flag was below the Indian flag at the time and I was like, “Hey…!” Not sure how I get a hit from India though. And Ireland, well…I did stalk a lot of blogs from Ireland didn’t I? wahahaha D:)

And I come to notice that lots of European countries use the three colors combination on their flags as well.

Cookies to you if you can guess the country of this flag :D (it's a friend of mine)

And the flag of United Kingdom doesn’t look that difficult to draw either.

(oh yeah I stalked a whole lot of blogs from the UK too D:)

Oh oh and the Australian flag reminds me of the similarities between the Star Spangled Banner and the Jalur Gemilang.

But I must say, drawing the Japanese flag must’ve been the easiest task of them all. Just take a white paper, stamp a red dot on it, and voila! The flag of Japan!

...which brings you to the point of this rather pointless post.

The other day, I saw the flag of Japan waving on my tracker feed thing…and I went, OH NO MY SISTER!

But my sister uses Safari and her laptop runs on Mac OS-don’t-know-which-one so it can’t really be her, can it?

So I asked with a grin on my face, “Hey did you use Internet Explorer? :D”

Of course, she replied, “Why would I wanna use IE on a Mac?”

I suppose hinting that a Mac person might be using IE is an insult of its own.

But I digressed. “You see I saw someone going to my blog from my FB and that person’s from Japan so it’s must be youuuu!!!111!!”

…

Well, I didn’t really say it like that.

I typed, “Well I saw someone visited my blog, and that person is from your place, but that person’s using IE and Windows Vista, and that person read every post that I published, and yeah I know, those are stupid postsss. Why did I write those things again? Oh, and yeah, I thought it was you. T.T”

To that, my sister replied, “Whoa need to investigate who uses IE then huhu”

I don’t really mind the identity of that person but I kind of wish he/she could leave a comment and break my theory about my sister stalking me. D:

And I saw a couple of other flags as well and I thought, “Oh no is this my aunt, hey is this my brother, hey is that—”

Yeah, if this thing bugged me so much I shouldn’t have bother with the tracker—should have deleted it, or plainly ignored it—but seeing them visiting my blog makes me very happy. (*^^*) Despite how I don’t get what so interesting about this place anyway, with them coming back each time…

Yes yes I hate that feeling very much, and that’s why I commented on every single blog I've visited. D: Does that annoy you? No? Yes?

Oh well. :D

Anytime you visit me, say hello~ It’ll make a blog’s author very, very happy indeed. (*^^*)

(and add me on Twitter. I don't mind.)

P/S: I still conclude that drawing KSA's flag is not as easy as it looks. Or as hard as it looks. Hmm...no? Oh well. :D

Optimistic vs Pessimistic

2010-01-16T02:05:00.000-08:00

Nowadays, it seems as if I’ve been breathing the same air as the poets, indulging in their heartfelt words, envisioning their colorful illusions, desperately bewitching your soul into the land of sweetened fantasy.

A mere flick of the fingers brought me back to reality, and I realized that compared to them, I am much too callous and self-centered to be accepted into their circle of deep poise.

Not that I have to join their circle or anything, but it is interesting and extremely, extremely inspirational.

Somehow, I’ve been inspired by the darnedest things nowadays. My eyes will catch a sight of a picture and I’ll say, “Oh, that’s inspiring.” A melodic hum will land in my ears and I’ll say, “Wow, how inspiring.” An amusing one-liner made me chortle and I’ll retort, “Now that’s inspirational.”

Yet inspired was I, but not lethal enough to kill my laziness. It did sprinkle some positive vibes into my life, but truthfully, I don’t like being optimistic all the time. I suppose there are times when optimism is a must, and times where being pessimistic didn’t sound too bad.

Situation 1 – Getting my results

Optimistic Me thinks she’s going to ace it.
Optimistic Me gets a B.
Orz.

Pessimistic Me thinks she’s going to fail.
Pessimistic Me gets a B.
\(^o^)/

See? Being too optimistic gives you false hope. And what’s worse, you’re probably going to get hurt more than you thought because of the high expectancy. I would rather be the pessimistic person and expect the worse. That way, you’re ready for any possible outcome thrown at your way.

It couldn’t get any worse than that, could it? Keeping your expectation low gives you more space for a slight happiness in the gloominess of day.

Then again, being pessimistic all the time isn’t that good either.

Situation 2 – Today is a freaking bad day.

Optimistic Me has the worst day in her life.
Optimistic Me says: That’s okay. At least I get to eat! And I’m still alive!
*sugar daisy flowery unicorn pukey blargh*

Pessimistic Me has the worst day in her life.
Pessimistic Me says: Told you so. Told you so. Told you so.
*…day gets even more badder...*

So I suppose if it’s a thing that will define your life, it’s better to keep your expectation low, but if it’s a continuous cycle, it’s fine to be optimistic.

:|

Just keep your emotions in check. Being blank once in a while doesn’t sound too bad either.

Bizarre dreams...

2010-01-12T07:04:00.000-08:00

Daniel Schaumann’s post here reminds me of the dreams that I often experienced back then, a dream so vivid and lucid, I always felt like crying and tearing my hair out due to the great tormenting of it all.

Of course, his situation may not resemble mine in any way, (I don’t think someone like him will experience this kind of things in his life, maybe the dream means nothing at all) but I thought I should share my own weird dreams and how I cope with that. :D

Let me cut it short and talk about the good parts. I couldn’t remember much of it to be honest, but I was having a spectacular dream, sweet and merry, when everything suddenly changed.

Two men began to capture me, confining me in my own room. It was frightening, and what’s worse was that when this kind of dreams happened, no voice could escape from my lungs, and I was as weak as a deflated balloon. Funny, but true. I couldn’t lift my hand, I couldn’t scream, it was as if my entire existence was pinned to the wall by their power.

Their faces were one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen. Lizard-like, taunting, didn’t resemble a human at all. And I thought that was horrendous, until I saw their boss. There, in front of me, stood a man in his black cloak. His face was the definition of horror. Hunger and thirst were prominent in his features. He wanted to devour me, I was sure.

(And no. I didn’t watch any horror movie prior to this.)

Except no, he wasn’t thinking of devouring me. He was trying to claim my soul. I can see that he was concentrating on entering himself inside of me, and this is the moment when everything became too weird to comprehend. His soul entered from the tip of my toes, slowly making way to the top of my head. I was burning, the pain was sizzling, too real to ignore. I can feel him manipulating my body, slowly relinquishing my soul.

Of course, when this sort of things happened, it’s wise to ask for God’s help. And in my case, I recited the Quran. At once, my eyes flew opened.

It was traumatic, and lying there in my bed all alone was too frightening, so I quickly dashed to my parents’ room.

I can’t help it. The pain was still sizzling, and I was cold all over.

I still remember muttering, “He’s inside me…he’s inside me…”

I really am not exaggerating the fact. This is only one of the dreams—there are others where I actually die and go to who-knows-where, only to wake up and notice that I’m still alive.

That is weirder. I really thought I was dead. I can feel the angel of death taking my life away—okay I’m not telling more of that. :D

So, what’s the explanation for all these bizarre things?

If you go to any shaman or someone like that, he will tell you that you’ve been possessed by the evil spirit.

If you go to any psychologist or anyone of that sort, he will tell you that your mental state is unstable.

Truthfully, I believe in the evil spirit, but if I were to discuss that, then this post will stray towards the religion path. So let’s focus on the scientific aspect instead.

What causes these things? Psychologists claimed that it has everything to do with your own mind, and if such dreams happened, it means that your head is troubled. They’ll give you pills to calm your nerves, motivation for building up your confidence, and of course, advises on how to promote a healthy mindset.

In a way, these things worked on its own way. The motivations from the psychologist—while undoubtedly annoying—relaxed your mind without you noticing it. Your heart might not accept it thoroughly, but your mind absorbed all of his words, calming the rage that you may feel in your soul.

One of the advices that the psychologist gave me was to always have a little jog in an open space. Breathe in the fresh air, let your mind rest, indulge in the serenity of the greenness, and slowly, taking in the happiness of the environment around you, noting on why were they happy, why were they smiling, and how you could have a smile on your face too.

Next is the matter of finding your own true passion. And once you’ve found it, your mind will concentrate on that entirely, and gradually, your mind problems will go away.

Of course, the pills help in controlling the mind, emptying your thoughts, and simply adding a sprinkle of happiness. Without the pills (especially for those chronic patients) it’s hard to control yourself. You need a fresh start to think it through, and it’s quite difficult to achieve without those pills. However, I would advise to cut your pill intake as soon as you’ve began to regain control of yourself, since the side-effects are not as pretty.

Side-effects include addiction to the pills, obviously.

Friends and family are also important during the healing process. They are mostly in-charge of bringing a smile to your face. Without their care and love, you might not feel the happiness of life straightaway. It’s possible to stand up on your own, but the presence of others definitely hastens the whole healing process.

Once you’ve breathe in the happiness and joy, your mind will be filled of positivity, unconsciously setting a barrier in front of your soul. However, these things could reappear if we’re not careful, because we’ve experienced it and all, so it’s wise to keep your emotions and feelings in check.

Things to do when you’re troubled (but not that chronic) – distract your mind in doing the things that you love, appreciate everything around you while holding a smile, look at things in a different perspective, and just try to be happy. That’s the only thing that could help. Even if you can’t feel the happiness, if you find just a small, insignificant thing that amuses you, hold on to that. Don’t let it go.

So that’s how it is from a scientific point of view.

Of course, I’m trying to not branch into the evil spirit subject.

I’ll talk about the evil spirit subject, if I feel like it. :D

P/S: And hey, since I'll be 21 this year, it means that I've experienced this for 10 years already. Whoa...? XD

Ins and Outs January Edition

2010-01-12T03:57:00.000-08:00

The time has come…

Kind of.

Why did I make this thing again?

…

Ins
>J-urban songs with a lot of cool rappings…
>…
>I’m not sure why but January is definitely the slacking off month.
>What DID I do this month, really? (except for the usual things of course)
>Oh yeah I did manage to squeeze a little bit of that and everything.
>And wrote some of the lengthiest comments ever. (your paper lacks the bla bla bla na na na la la la…)
>Okay I DID do something beneficial this month.
>The internet has been so dumb lately.
>I mean the connection.
>Not that it’s brainy in the first place.
>I sound so flat.
>I hereby declare that me in January is ultimate dullness.

Outs
>I’ve forgotten all about metal and opera.
>I’ve forgotten about everything.
>Wait I forgot.

…

Right, this is sad. Everything is lukewarm this month.

Oh well.

On a happier note (or sad note…whatever note…I don’t know what note…) I HIT PAN!!!

*because hitting a pan is an accomplishment for makeup users…it means you actually use them*

Then again…

OH NOESSS I HIT PAN!!! (okay this is definitely a sad note)

I can imagine it now…

*me walks around without spots of orange—I mean peach—on my cheeks*
(me no likey pink blushers…makes me look like a porcelain doll…I’m hardly a doll, I’m the wall)
(…anyway.)

Them: Are you sick?
Me: Huh? =.=
Them: You need to lie down?
Me: Hah?
Them: You need a time out!
Me: Erm…

Or…

Them: You look miserable.
Me: …*sigh*…
Them: Bad day?
Me: *forced smile*
Them: BROKENHEARTED?!
Me: No…no…nothing like that. (La, la…maafi kida…) (<--Arabic lesson number one. La and maafi are some of the most important words to know. It means no and nothing. And it is used in almost every sentence. No this, nothing that, no that, nothing this. And this lesson is brought to you by the random mind of this blog’s author. I don’t know why. I just type it. LEYSHHH KIDA YA 3QIL?!)

…

That is true though, when I first walked by without spots of peaches (peach sounds a lot cuter and softer than orange…) they thought I was a walking corpse with bacteria flowing out of my skin.

Them: IT’S A REAL LIFE ZOMBIEEEE!!!
Me: …
Them: SHE’S MISERABLE!!!
Me: …okay. You’ve asked for it. I’M LECHUCK!!!

(you…probably…won’t get that joke. Haa…)

Did I really look that horrendous?? Meeeeh…..

Now...to find a Japanese brand in the land of European cosmetics is another problem...

(oh and if you’re wondering that’s Canmake Cheek and Highlight in No 2 well the color is nice and sheer and the effect is natural but the glitters are too chunky so you might not like it that much and personally I think KATE and Majolica Majorca make better blushers drugstore-wise of course but hey if you have more budget you should totally splurge on Maquilllage Face Creator or Lunasol I LOVE LOVE LOVE Maquillage and hey more budget than that then snag yourself Benefit Coralista or Chanel Joues Contraste CORALISTA IS AWESOME really this blog has become too random for my own comfort but anyway take this one liner sentence without full stop review with a grand of salt but anyway really I do love these brands mentioned above JUST SAYING.)

Hate is such a strong word.

2010-01-10T11:55:00.000-08:00

You know there’s something wrong with me when the total of this month’s blog posts exceed the actual date.

And you know there’s something wrong with me when I’m supposed to read books yet here I am reading blogs.

But truthfully, my mood has been kind of low lately. I can’t help but distract my mind with whatever it is that could get me distracted, and that includes hopping like mad I guess.

I hate how you’ve tried your best to not aggravate a person with your demeanor or even your words, but others take that for granted and treat you like they are the boss of the world.

I hate how you care for their feelings all the time but never did they care about yours.

I hate how close-minded some people can be. Shouldn’t they expand their minds a little bit and look at things in a different perspective?

I hate how when they are in trouble, you help them unconditionally, yet when it’s your turn, they seem to not notice.

I hate how someone decided to ignore you for no reason at all.

I hate on keeping a straight face all the time.

But most of all, I hate how mere things like this could affect me more than it should.

P/S: And get this. I hate these feedjits thingy and things like that. Whenever I hop (with a devil smile plastered on my face) around people's blogs, I saw this green flag trailing my way. Like, people will know instantly that this stalker is me leh! Ahhhh get off me~~~ (but you can't do anything bad because this flag is sacred...what's with the kalimah syahadah on it. But that's beside the point.)

Waaaah you can't become invisible even on the internet. Ceit.

Niqab Part 2

2010-01-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

fufufufu...

((click here for Niqab Part 1))

Now, wearing niqab might sound nice and cool…

But I don’t think you'll get much oxygen into your lungs, since your face is tightly covered and all. In fact, sometimes I feel kind of dizzy and weak--okay, that's not important.

What's important is that, you will somehow, encounter these problems.

If you are young and unmarried, there's a big possibility that you will…

Be treated like a Queen. People will make way for you, treat you better, give you accommodations, which are all kind of awesomeness.

And, be stared by adolescent boys. Not in disgust, of course. Far from that.

It was one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me.

*somebody stares*
Me: What’s he looking at?
*stares like mad*
Me: Is there someone behind my back?
*still hasn’t stopped staring*
Me: …can’t possibly be looking at me, right?

Because why would you look at me when I practically looked like others?!

That’s urm…interesting.

I decided to observe more about this matter, asked plenty of people about this, and I found out that yeah, cover or no cover, if it’s a girl, then they will stare like they’ve never seen a girl before.

…okay maybe that last statement has a ring of truth in it.

Still, it’s weird!

And this reminds me of this videoclip that I saw on TV.

Majid Al-Mohandes - Mijana

She covered her face! Okay, not thoroughly but still, her face wasn’t visible.

But the man stalked her like mad.

Mad mad mad.

Can’t deny that she’s pretty though, but still, the man—okay you get that already.

I suppose the scene matched the lyrics, but then, I’m not that knowledgeable about Iraqi’s accent either. XD So I can’t comment further on that.

لابس الهبري وقالبته قالب
…wears the habry (another type of black cloak)…upside down/upwards?

...

Right! So that’s explained why she covered her face with her cloak aka habry and not with a niqab or hijab.

Still, doesn’t this strike you as odd?!

I’m trying to get used to this.

lol

*people stare*

I’m not looking at you…>.>

P/S: And in case you’re wondering, if they fancy a girl, they will only stare. And if the girl likes him back, she will also, only stare. Then, if the girl walks away, he will follow (just like in the videoclip). And stare some more. Nothing more than that. What, do you want to risk your good name and get thrown into the jail? Much better to marry an unknown girl who won your mother’s heart instead of being scorned upon by the community. :D