WHAT DO YOU NEED?!

“Most often, we wished for things that we wanted. But that’s where we went wrong. We shouldn’t wish for things that we want, but rather, things that we need. Then, we could acquire the things that we want, and victory would taste sweeter when gained with our own two hands, don’t you think?”

Not exactly what the preacher said, since she talked in Arabic with mixed dialects from here and there. She actually said…

Preacher: Ask for things that we need! Not want!
Me: I…ask…for…
Preacher: Do you need a river of yogurt? A truckload of cheese? No you don’t!
Me: Did you say yogurt? *ask others* Did she say yogurt?
Preacher: You don’t need unlimited supply of breads either!
Me: …oh she did say yogurt.

SHE DID SAY ABOUT THAT RIVER FILLED WITH YOGURT YOU KNOW.

Well, what she meant was, “Don’t ask for things that we want. We should first ask for things that we need.”

For instance, do not wish for us to be placed in heaven. We should ask for good health, so that we can have the chance of doing all these kindness, and acquire God’s blessing, and thus be placed in the heaven.

Or, do not wish for good results. But ask for concentration, willpower, the ability to understand, all of those things, so that the knowledge will forever be engraved in our minds, and thus made us easier to understand and answer the questions, resulting in good results.

But when you wished for something, and it didn’t come true, sometimes, you’ll feel kind of low, perhaps losing a bit of faith, and you’d think that there’s something wrong with you, because God didn’t fulfill your wishes, or something to that extent.

They say, if God fulfill your wish, then it means that He loves you. If He didn’t, then he’s testing you.

This reminds me of the story of a cactus and a caterpillar.

He wished for a flower and a butterfly, but instead, God gave him a caterpillar and a cactus. He was sad, but didn’t question further. He nurtured the plant and the insect, and lastly, what do you know, the cactus bore a flower, and the caterpillar transformed into a butterfly.

The moral of the story, aside from having faith in God’s actions, is you need to trust that God knows what you need. Sometimes, we didn’t realize that God gave us the key items in achieving our goals, and that is why sometimes, things didn’t go as well as we’ve planned.

It’s better to work for success instead of receiving it with your eyes close, isn’t it? You’ll understand the pain better, the effort to make it happen, and it’ll make you cherish the outcome more.

If, for instance, God gave him the flower and butterfly in one go, wouldn’t he take them for granted? He wouldn’t feel the same compassion, since he didn’t nurture them from the start.

Effort is required for every action in this world. Without it, success wouldn’t feel as sweet.

But to make it happen, one needs to have a better understanding of oneself.

What do we really need?

And that reminds me of something that my teacher used to say.

“Take a moment to study ourselves. Go into your brain, understand the limit, understand the needs. Go to your other parts, ask the same question. Go to your heart, ask what it wants, and then go to your brain, and ask what you need, to have your ‘wants’ be fulfilled.”

Not exactly what he said. He just asked me to…

Teacher: Now study your brain!
Me: me brain…
Teacher: Is the size of a pea.
Me: I guess I only used a pea of it…
Teacher: CONQUER YOUR BRAINZZZZ!11!!!!1
Me: brainzzzzz
Teacher: MORE POWA!!!!
Me: BRAIN, OBEY MY COMMAND!
Teacher: Take control of your entire existence! Where is your core?!
Me: me core…
Teacher: Understand yourself before understanding others! Understand your soul, understand your body! Don’t let it control you! You are the boss!
Me: yes me is my own boss…
Teacher: MORE POWA!!!!
Me: I’M MY OWN BOSS! Yeah, definitely.
Teacher: Understand everything! Understand the actions! Understand the system! Feed your soul with what it really needs! Question yourself, why does your soul need your wish?!
Me: I need it because I want to stand on my own two feet!
Teacher: And what do you need to stand on your own feet?!
Me: I NEED TO—

INTERMISSION.

TOO MUCH INFORMATION ALERT.

(seriously that teacher is so weirdddddddddd……….)

(he can seriously read my mind)

(like seriously)

(no joke)

(STOP IT TEACHER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

(I bet youuu he’s an ex-soldier lol)

But what he said was true. You need to have a thorough control of your own soul. Understand every movement, every action that you did in this world, so that regret won’t haunt your back. So that when it was all played back in the afterworld, you won’t be ashamed and questioned about your morality.

As you know, if you can’t control your own soul, then who will? Perhaps a stray foreign thing will capture your own, and then, it’ll be too late. Nauzubillah.

And thus, I tried to be not as regretful in my life. Everything has its own purpose, and what’s done is done. Let the pieces fell into their places.

And I suppose for those who know me well, I did make a lot of regrettable things.

But truthfully, I didn’t regret my actions from the past. If I didn’t make them, then I won’t be here, won’t I?

There’s nothing I like better than the way I am now.

(I have been brainwashed by the weirdddddd teacherrrrr)

BUT.

BUT.

I CAN’T SHAKE THIS REGRET THING OUT OF MY HEAD.

Somehow, I managed to publish my book on that Smashwords site, and it is such a huge accomplishment for me.

It was fine when reading on the computer…

But when I read it on the iPhone…

OMG MEH WHO WRITE THIS STUPID THING MEH SO NOVICE LAR CAN GET PUBLISH ONE? D:

And then I read it on my computer, and I think its fine…

Then I read it on the iPhone again.

OH WOW LEH THIS IS SOOOO…UMM…

I thought maybe I could edit a bit.

But when I opened my file, I was so confused I didn’t know what else to edit. D:

Still, when I read it on the iPhone I’ll go…

OH LA—

Okay, you get it already.

So I talked to my brother about this.

And this was what he said.

“What’s done is done. Don’t read your works after publishing. Everyone will feel like that, so it’s best to let it go. Concentrate on your next task. Reading on iPhone didn’t leave the same impression compared to reading on books anyway. Stop fretting about it.”

Again, not necessarily what he said, but well…a gist of it, I suppose.

Me: my book suxxxxxx
Bro: STOP READING IT!!!!! FORGET ABOUT IT ALREADY!!!!
Me: Yeah I’m kinda sick of my story already
Bro: Yeah. That’s what you get for being an author and an editor at once.

Cuz you know. Me IS my own editor. D:

Oh well.

So if you feel that my book sucks hardcore…

Then I’ll assure you, MY NEXT BOOK WILL BE BETTER WITH A CAPITAL B.

Yay? :P

SO WHAT I REALLY NEED AT THE MOMENT.

Is for Allah to bless my every action. Amin.

(oh and I do need good health so I can do all these works. But to have good health, I need to eat right, and to eat right, first I need to eat. And maybe I could by going to the kitchen right now and fix some lunch, and OH! I wish my brain won't tire easily. That's inevitable, you know. Cuz I used my brain a lot to do these works, so I hope my brain will cooperate with me. Yeah. Yeah? Please don't get sleepy so easily!!! Maybe I need a cup of coffee. But coffee is caffeine, no? I might get headache. I don't need that. WAITTTT Okay bye. :D)

P/S: this post is so madddd…..major FAIL. D: And I hope you think of what you really need in order to fulfill your dream. :D Or anything at the moment. Any random thing. I'm going mad already. GAAAAAH. D:

PPS: I think my English is absolutely horrendous in this post. Definitely. me dunno why~~~~~