Welcome 2010 :)

Due to my overexcitement, I decided to post a new entry on New Year’s Eve instead. :D

Welcome 2010! :) 1431 has been good so far, and here’s hoping that 2010 will be blessed by Allah as well.

In my honest opinion, out of all the years I have lived in this world, 2009 is by far, the greatest year for me, and that’s because of the following…

>HAJJ

It’s a dream for all Muslims around the world to at least perform Hajj once in their lifetime, and I managed to accomplish it at a young age. You have no idea how fortunate I was. And you have no idea how many kept telling me how fortunate I was. XD

>I MOVE TO SAUDI ARABIA

This is the changing point of my life. Moving here opens up my mind about a lot of things, especially regarding things that I considered pointless while I was still in Malaysia.

>THE REALIZATION OF MY DREAM

It was exactly on February 2009 when I decided to take the plunge and prove my worth. After much perseverance and sleepless nights, I was ready to show the world about the awesomeness that is me. 8D *vomit* And I did! On 29 December 2009, I’ve finally published my debut e-book. Yet, I’m still a novice, and no doubt I won’t be exempted from imperfection and flaws, but at least I’ve made a mark of myself. :)

>ARABIC IS MY FOURTH LANGUAGE

The ability to freely converse in another language has never ceased to astonish me. ;D Sometimes, I wish I know every language there is in this planet. 8D

>I MET MY OLD SCHOOLMATES AGAIN

Forever grateful to have them in my life again. <3

>I MET A TEACHER WHO AWAKENED THE ODDEST AND STRANGEST POWER IN MY SOUL

Like chyeaaahhhhh XDDDDD


…okay, did I forget anything? =.= Hmm…well, I will probably update this list if I remember anything else. If I have more of them, that is. 8D

WHAT I HOPE FOR IN 2010

I hope that this year will be as blessed as 2009.

Amin.

Yeahh this feels great. :D

So until then…

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 (*^^*)



The reason for this photo...

It was a cold night…

And the night was very cold…

I wore layers of clothes but still, it was very cold...

Enough with the coldness, I suppose it was kind of cool…

That we went mad on the webcam, acting like a fool…

Look look! I rhymed… :D

Anyway, we were in the middle of a webcam session, when my friend decided to say, “Let’s celebrate New Year now!”

Me: O.O

So I typed, “It’s not New Year yet!”

A loud *ding* shattered my eardrums.

“WHO CARES!”

X.X

So we decided to tease (or celebrate I guess...) each other by taking a couple of random screenshots…

And here it is, the first post in my blog that actually has my face…o.o

Okay, enough about that. DX

To conclude this post (and 2009 as well) let me show you the last greatest thing of 2009!

The iMac!



Muahaha

I received it yesterday. It's awesome. :D

Okay, that’s all. :D

p/s: Can’t wait for the Lunar New Year XDDD

2010: Achieving My Dream. Hopefully.

This will be my last post in 2009, and after the strange dream I’d experienced last night, I decided to get this over with and talk about my dream.

It was a quite long-neglected dream.

Until Nashuha decided to say…

I suggest you to write a novel. Seriously.

That comment is seriously one of the greatest comments I’ve ever received in my life. It made me motivated, somehow, and I was smiling ear to ear for days.

She didn’t know this, but I’ve written plenty of novels. It all started when I was fourteen and foolish, basking in the glory of Kpop instead of school and examinations, joining various forums just because it was fun.

It was fun. They taught me how to make graphics using Photoshop, I learned another language (not Korean though, but Japanese lol), I gained a couple of great friends, but the thing that caught my deepest attention was the fanfiction forum. It was amusing how their imagination could run wild, prompting them to write about their favorite idols and such. For the longest time, I refrained myself from reading those, because you know how fanfics are, but in the end, I relented, and read one of the fanfics that had the most comments…

It was awesome. At least, I thought so at the time. I was very impressed that I even commented…

If your novel were to get published, I would surely buy it.

She was thrilled, naturally, but after a note of thank you, that was it. I thought that was the end, when suddenly, she sent me a private message.

I’ve just created a new fanfic forum! There’s a lot of great fanfics here, and maybe you could write one too.

I was intrigued.

Well, not about the amount of great fanfics, but more of the notion that I could write one too.

That thought made me quiver, because aside from school assignments, I’ve never written anything like this.

But I took the plunge, and wrote my first one-shot fanfic.

Whichisaboutsomethingtotallyridiculousiveforgottenallaboutitanyway

The feedbacks I received were spectacular, and I can’t help but write more.

Althoughisuspecttheylikeitbecauseiwroteabouttheiridolslol

After a couple of short stories, they urged me to write a novel, of which I did, because they made me think that people appreciate my works after all.

So I wrote my first novel ever.

whichisanotherstupidstorycantblamemeiwasyoungandfoolishatthetimeDX

More and more ideas began to land in my brain, and I found myself constantly jotting down the plot and writing more of the madness that is fanfics.

welloutoftherestidolikethisonestorywhichisaboutaghostunderacherryblossomtreeXD

However then, I was out of the loop for a while. I had a big examination when I was fifteen, and there were some personal issues that needed to be taken care of. Thus, slowly, gradually, I began to drift away from the community, no longer touching Photoshop, no longer touching Microsoft Word.

Besides, at that time, I didn’t have a laptop, only the family computer. And the computer was placed in the living room, facing everyone who passed by. You bet everyone can see what I was doing, and everyone in the house knew that I had new hobbies and apparently, skills. And those are Photoshop and writing.

Buttheydidntknowthatiwrotefanficlol

I didn’t write for nearly three years after that, nor did I touch Photoshop and meddled with the graphics. Personal issues conquered my life, and I plainly didn’t care anymore. But my love for writing rekindled when my brother gave me his old e-book reader, and my father gave me his old laptop. By the time I was 18, I have completely submerged myself with the world of literature, away from the community, away from everything else…I suppose.

Having a personal laptop gave me superb privacy, and I found myself writing a story. The first serious story I’ve ever concocted.

Obviouslynotafanficivegrownfromthat

That is to say, one of the reasons I took up writing again was because I was almost always being referred to as the ‘extra baggage’ of my family or…the black sheep, for the lack of word. Most of them (excluding my family of course) underestimated my capability, and probably thought that I’m waiting for my parents to marry me off.

Not that I wasn’t smart or anything, but again, personal issues.

Everyonethoughtthatmyfutureissodimmedandall

Butiliketothinkthatimagenius

Andgeniusesdrawtheirownfuturerightrightright?

Another reason for my sudden inspiration was because I somehow stumbled across Jane Green’s blog (I watched her on The Martha Stewart Show and I looked at her and thought…who is she again? So I googled her XD) and she wrote something motivational that kept me hanging on that hope for months.

She wrote, if you’re going to be a writer, then you need to write a book. And not just write, finish it. Make it complete. Don’t worry about publishing and all that madness. If you have a book under your wings, then everything will be fine.

I took that advice very, very seriously.

So when I was 18, I finished writing my first serious novel ever.

It felt good. Very good.

Willneverpublishthisthoughbecauseisupposeitventurestowardssensitiveissues

My mom urged me to ask my father to review it, since he was the greatest writer in our family, and he reads a lot.

My dad gave me a lot of harsh criticisms and quite awesome advices.

Example would be…you should write like this because…you need to do this to excite the readers…don’t do this because…bla bla bla he really commented a lot.

The odd thing was, he’s a busy man I guess, and often forgot to read my story. I’d be, “Umm dad? Have you read my novel? =.=” (not exactly willing because he would criticize for sure but whatever)

And he’ll say, “Oh yes oh yes.” *opens the documents* =.= *cue for harsh criticisms*

So yeah, he only read a few lines here and there…not sure if he understood the story. XD

But better than nothing, yeah definitely.

His pointers made sense, so I took them all in and implemented those in my writing. I began to read books avidly as well, memorizing the dictionary, studying the grammar, all the while constructing plots and characters.

So exactly on February 2009, I wrote the first prologue for my book, Metamorphosis.

And on April 2009 with bloodshot eyes and extremely skinny condition, I finished writing the book.

I felt freedom I’ve never felt before. Even the freedom of examination didn’t taste quite as sweet as this.

Now what? I thought. Maybe I should get it published.

andprovethatimnottheextrabaggagemuahahaDX

However, living in a country like Malaysia didn’t give me much opportunity in publishing an English book. Most of the publishers wanted Malay manuscript, and here I have in my laptop is an English book…

But there was one English publisher in my country, so I tested my luck and sent them my manuscript.

This was their reply.

I’m sorry to say but due to recent recession in the economy, we decided to reduce our book publications. And sadly, your book wasn’t the type that we were looking for right now.

Oktheymightbebluffingandsaidthattomakerejectionlettersoundsbetterbutletmedreammmm

True enough, after that, I went to the bookstore, and all they published were autobiographies.

I decided to forget the whole matter, but my mother encouraged me to ask for another publication house, preferably international.

But almost all of those international publication houses and agents wanted the hardcopy of my manuscript. And I live so far away, and they even want to meet the author. I mean, that was simply impossible.

So I tried to find Singapore’s publication houses, and I found one. I sent them an email, and sure enough, they rejected me.

Again, same excuse, economic recession.

After that, I decided not to bother anymore.

Only two rejections and I was giving up?? Sure, there are no more agencies to ask. And I didn’t know where to ask either.

Still, I read a lot. Reading has become a hobby of mine out of a sudden. And I learned a lot by reading. Like what made me intrigued, what bores me to death, what was lame, what was awesome…

I tried to write in Malay, because I still dream of being an author, but I CAN’T.

I’M NOT KIDDING. I CAN’T. MY BRAIN REFUSES TO COOPERATE.

I’ll write…

Dan dia…

o.o

…

Pada suatu hari…

…

x.x

Dia berasa…

D;

TOTAL BRAINFREEZE!

So Malay novels are out of the questions. Obviously. X.x

I did search for ways to publish independently after that, but everything seemed like too much a hassle, since I’m working on my own.

Becauseeveryoneelsewasmightybusy

Cantreallyrelyonthem

Anyway, I’ve since forgotten about that dream, only relishing my writing passion on my blog, until Nashuha decided to comment…

I suggest you to write a novel. Seriously.

But I’ve wrote them! (yeah I know you didn’t know Nashuha :P)

Nonetheless…what to do. I have no idea how to get it published anyway.

And as if coincidence decided to toy me around, I stumbled across this tweet on twitter…

“The risk of not trying is far greater than the risk of putting yourself out there and trying.”

I was motivated. Inspired. All of those things.

And everything began to land in my mind.

Including this little e-book publisher that I saw on Stanza (an apps on iPhone). I’ve been meaning to check them out, but it always slipped my mind.

This time, I was not as forgetful.

I checked their rules, and honestly, their regulations are pretty lenient. Everyone can publish, I suppose none would be rejected, only those who didn’t follow their rules.

It was like a dream comes true.

The only obstacle holding me back is I don’t have a cover.

Hence, Nashuha, the butterfly. :D

Andthensomethingoddhappened

Ohhivincentifyourereadingthis

Iforgotthatyournameisvincent

Iwasproofingmynovelwhenirealizedthatmycharactersnameisvincent

Andiwaslike,iveheardthisnamebefore

Andwhentalkingtoyou

Irealizedthatyournameisvincent

SERIOUSLY FELT LIKE SMACKING MY HEAD.

Andthenirealizedthatyourgirlfriendsnameislaura

*SMACKS MY HEAD CONTINUOUSLY*

Cuzyouknowthosenamesaremycharactersnamesinmybook

Theyarenotthemaincharactersbutcloseenough

Andnowicantchangethembecausetheirnamesaresignificanttothestory

Andthosetwocharactersareacoupleinthestoryyousee

Imlike…doomed.

OX

Do you believe in coincidence? :D Back then, I don’t. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.

Ohandbtwihaveacharacternamedafterafriendtoo

Isawhimonfacebookandthenirealizedthatoooohnoooohisnameisurm…

Imeanthatwouldbeveryawkward

Buticantchangethenameeitherbecauseivebondedwithmycharactersnoooo

Nashuha, we need to discuss this. ;o

Anyway, hopefully, 2010 will give more opportunities in achieving my dream.

Personally, I’m not that concerned about the amount of books I’ll sell.

What I really want, was for me to have the chance of contributing to the society instead of sitting around like an useless junk. Hey, maybe my book will be in the bottom of the list, but at least I’ve done something remarkable once in my life, at least I’ve done SOMETHING that I loved, and at least, I’ve stamped myself with…Huda: Author.

Better than Huda: Unemployed. Or Huda: that useless person. Or even Huda: future dumb housewife.

Imtotallyageniuslikereally!

I’m certainly not leeching off my family’s fortune, waiting to be married to some husband so I can leech him off too. I want people to see me just like my other siblings; independent, smart, creative, talented, and certainly not the black sheep.

Becauseiamdefinitelytheblacksheep

Ooohiusedtosingthiswestlifesongbackinprimaryschool

Itsforachoir

Idontknowwhyijoinedachoir

Maybebecausetheteachersaidihavegoodenglishlol

Itgoessomethinglike…I am the black sheep of the family~

D:

So that is my hope for 2010. I hope opportunity will open its gate for me, and make my dream comes true.

Amen.

Hope I didn’t hurt your brain while reading this post. 8D

p/s: oh and that strange dream last night. I dreamt that my book was published, but there was so many typos and grammatical errors i nearly dieeeee DX

This explains a lot of things...probably.

I slept at 3 a.m. for a week NAO.

And strangely become too active on Facebook and Twitter and Dailybooth…

Because of this.


Completed draft – 226 pages, 104,881 words.

Currently proofing – 137 pages, 61,447 words.

Maybe I’ll reach 300 pages. Huzzah!

So my recent activity…

*type type type*
*bored bored bored*
*fb fb fb*
*type some more*
*twitter twitter twitter*
*type type type*
*mail mail mail*
*finish one chapter!!!*
*dailybooth till mad*

D:

Lack of sleep.

Gaaaaah.

That concludes this post of the day.

Now let me type some more. At MS Word I mean.

BUHBYEHAHAI.

(I wrote this, because I was boreddd….)

(and hang out with too many teenyboppers. NG NG NG D: Makes your brain freeze. Kinda.)

The Adventures of Mr. Blu: Depressed Mr. Blu

It was a lovely Tuesday morning, when Blu decided to say...



Bewildered, I spluttered, "But you have me!"

He merely sighed, averting his gaze away from me.



"Oh," was my initial reaction, but suddenly, it was obvious. His posture, his expression, his demeanor, everything seemed to point at the same thing.

There was no denying it.

"You want a partner, don't you?"

He paused, and vaguely answered...



He wasn't confirming it, nor was he denying it.

I decided to press harder.

"Tell me the truth, buddy."

It proved to be ineffective to him, because he just sat there, staring at nothing at all, a faint sound escaped from his lungs...



I had enough.

"Blu."

The firmness of the tone caught him off-guard, causing him to sit upright and loudly blurted...



I need not raised my voice to make him squirm in agony.

“Okay then.”

He gasped, his face shocked beyond words.



To be continued.

P/S: This is what happened when tension gets to my head and agitation claims my soul. D: Totally random I KNOW D:

Greetings from Blu! :D

Blu says Hi!

Blu was first born on DailyBooth, because apparently I don't have enough distractions going on in my life >.> [/sarcasm]

Well then, Blu...I'll await for more of your appearance! If you were going to appear at all, that is. D:

Love ya Blu :D

Ins and Outs - December Edition

Another break from those Hajj posts...because I'm working on fulfilling my dream OMG XO

I was inspired by this particular quote.. "The risk of not trying is far greater than the risk of putting yourself out there and trying." (from The Daily Love on Twitter)

So I am risking everything and putting myself out there. And trying. Oh yeah. =]

Anyway, I suddenly felt like doing this kind of post. The Ins and Outs...to keep track of myself.

So here it is - The Ins and Outs of December!

Ins
>Inspiration juice is definitely in. Always count on a good book to keep your mind flourishing.
>And so is makeup...I was out of the loop for a while, but my interest in them has rekindled.
>And so is k-pop...apparently. Somehow rekindled itself.
>Movies. I want to watch more and more movies. That is absurd. I'm even thinking of doing a movie review. I must be out of my mind. XO
>Books. How odd it is that I still don't have a favorite yet.
>Twitter. I suddenly love Twitter too much.
>Youtubers. Why oh why??!! XD
>Opera songs and symphonic metal songs. Haven't heard those in ages.
>Kohl. Wear it everyday XD
>Blogs...kind of searching for new things to read each day.

Wow. No wonder I seem to lack the time in the world. Ceit.

Outs
>j-pop. Not that interested anymore.
>arabic music. I'm listening to too much kpop and symphonic metals nowadays aish. Not good. Need to rekindle this love back.
>arabic series. I'm watching too much movies...not good. not good. Need to watch more arabic series.
>Various games. Hardly play it anymore.

Let's see how I'll fare next month. :D

Hajj 1430 - Part 4 - A Day in Mina (II)

The city of Mina~ :D

The sky was exceptionally beautiful during my first day in Mina. Thick clouds decorated the twilight sky, gently swaying to the soft beat of the wind. The soft shade of lavender began to dissolve at a mere touch of the tangerine hue, creating such a contrast sky of purple and orange, tempting me to grab my camera and snap the enthralling view until the atmosphere scowls at me for blinding their visions with the flashes of the camera.

But I was too busy distressing about my pukey condition.

All I did at that time was glanced at the sky, noted how spectacular it was, averted my gaze back toward the busy tents, totally lost in direction, all the while asking the staff, “El-hammam? Hammam? Fein?”

Toilets, I mean. Where?

They showed me the directions, led me toward the destination, and finally, I arrived, with a faint dizziness engulfing my head.

I’m not sure how many toilet stalls did we have; the thought of calculating must have slipped my mind—puke and all—but there must be at least…ten. And eight water pipes for ablution. Or maybe ten.

Anyhow, all those eighteen spots—or maybe twenty—were filled with people, and behind them, stood a long trail of people, impatiently waiting for their turn while grunting aloud at the slowness of the pace.

I stilled.

Truthfully, I was scared.

Honestly, I feared for my hygiene.

I even thought of cutting my liquid intake so that I would be excused from using the loo.

And how to bathe? Oh, the thought sent agony down my spine.

I was deeply perturbed.

I remembered back when I used to attend boarding school (I only went there for a week—personal reason), the crowded restrooms traumatized me so much that I ended up waking at 4 in the morning for my shower routine.

Others woke up at 5.

It was nice, really nice, because the toilets were all empty and the morning breeze was still pure and untainted by the students’ morning breaths. I enjoyed being the first student in the school to experience such solitude.

Well, first in the school seemed like too much of an exaggeration. First in the dormitory, then.

Anyhow, those were fun times, but this particular memory was not one of those. I suppose I fidgeted a bit while waiting in the queue, because a voice greeted me out of nowhere, quietly inquired, “Ruh el-hammam?”

Did I look like I’m suppressing a pee? I must have, because she asked if I need to use the toilet.

Stretching my lips in what I hoped was an adequate smile, I answered, “La.” Pointing at the ablution spot, I continued, “Wudhu.”

She nodded understandably—or maybe not, I wouldn’t know—before entering the toilet herself.

Some people can be quite nice.

After a couple of minutes waiting for splashes of water to purify my skin, I finally had the chance of performing my ablution. By this time, my hands and face smelled horrifically terrible, and even after vigorously washing it off, the stench still lingered on my skin.

Oh well, it was not as if anyone was going to kiss me on the cheek, or kiss my hands anyway.

If they do…

Well, I could run or something.

It didn’t happen, thankfully.

I am forever grateful.

Feeling refreshed and contented, I started to walk toward the musollah.

Wherever that was.

I truly had no idea; I just followed those who had performed their ablution, or those who seemed like they were heading toward the musollah.

I found it, of course.

The musollah was larger than our tents—I think—there were four carpets—again, I think—laid down on the floor. It was a tent as well, white and flimsy, void of any real doors, only revealing openings for other people to enter and pray or do whatever they want. And by that, I obviously meant, reading the Quran, or Zikr, or…sleep?

The musollah was indeed breezier than our tent; I was tempted to doze off as well, if not for the limited space. Every nook and cranny was filled with people wanting to perform their prayer, and it was defiantly impossible to find a small spot for a little nap.

Nevertheless, I prayed, and then quietly returned to my tent. I experienced a little difficulty in locating my tent, but at the end, I survived the maze.

Upon entering, my eyes caught the sight of an aunt leisurely sitting on the floor while sipping her coffee.

That surprised me a bit. I initially thought, Ya Rab she brought her own coffee!

She was talking to my mother, expressing how in this chillingly crisp morning, a cup of coffee was necessary to replenish her energy. I also managed to overhear, “Tahukan kantin kat mana?”

She asked whether we noticed the location of the canteen.

Canteen...

Wait, we have one of those?

Oh. Right. No wonder. I mean, where could she find the hot water for her coffee?

Yes.

Canteen.

Where was that again?

“Ya, ya,” my mother nodded. “Depan surau.”

In front of the musollah?

I tried my hardest to remember about a significant canteen in front of the musollah…

I failed.

I seriously need to pay more attention to the world.

My mother shifted her attention to me, simultaneously suggested, “Why don’t you go to the canteen and check it out?”

I raised my brows.

Canteen.

Right.

Where was that again?

However, before I could open my mouth to let out a witless reply, the melodic sound of Adzan pierced our ears.

Baffled, my mother remarked, “Bukan dah Adzan ke tadi?”

She thought she heard the Adzan ages ago.

“Yeah,” another aunt acceded, “At the toilet, right?”

My mother casted an expected look at me.

Why were you looking at me—

Don’t panic. Don’t panic.

I tried to shrug, nonchalantly, if I may add, but then the aunt with the coffee quickly interjected before my shoulders could be lifted, “Yeah, but I looked at my watch, and saw that it was not in time yet.”

They began to talk about the time differences of Fajr prayer in Makkah, Jeddah, Madinah and other places, while I exhaled a deep relief of successfully evading the subject.

I didn’t hear the Adzan. Really, I heard nothing during my visit to the toilette.

My mind must have wandered elsewhere—right. I was reminiscing about my boarding school days.

Oh well.

My mother decided to redo our Fajr prayer, so I followed her lead. Then, I met up with my sister, and we decided to go to the canteen together.

Which was only like, exactly in front of the musollah.

It was quite big too.

I am so ditzy I can’t believe myself. How can I not see that?!

There was a huge refrigerator placed near the entrance, filled with every juice and soda imaginable. Next to it was a long table, holding four—I think—water heater for hot beverages. Sachets of coffee, tea and sugar were arranged in a basket, neatly placed near the water heater. There was an equally large table in the center of the canteen as well, but at that time, there was nothing on top of it. At the other side however, there were plates of what looked to be curry, but being overwhelmed, we decided to snatch one later.

We walked deeper into the canteen, and there was a small pantry with a staff handing out packets of biscuits and cartons of milk. We went to grab some milk, and she gave us two, but since there were three of us, we asked for another one.

“Tsani?”

“Uh…aiwa.”

And we successfully obtained three milks!

Rejoiced, we went back to grab the curry…

Until we saw it.

The bread.

The bread of Arab.

The bread.

The—

You know, again, this post has grown too long!

To be continued. Again.

Wah I must’ve been writing nonsense because the morning in Mina still hasn't end yet XD

P/S: My mother rarely speaks English. In fact, I don't think she speaks it at all, but I try to be speculative. She speaks Malay almost all the time (again, vague), so any conversation that involves her with English words are just me being lazy to type in Malay and later translate into English. lol

~Awal Muharram~

I decided to take a break from all these Hajj posts, and dedicate my 50th post (or 46th, if excluding those other posts) on the start of the new Hijriah Year!

Now that 2009 is nearly lowering its curtain to make way for 2010, and 1430 will end in a couple of hours, I thought I’d make a post about wish lists and whatnot.

And so…here it is.

I wish…
>Everyone’s deep wishes would come true. Especially my family and friends. Because you know, you thought you wanted this, but deep in your heart, you actually wanted something else. I asked a couple of them of what they want, and they want this and that, but then I thought, I should just pray that their deepest wishes would come true. That is all.
>I can speak Arabic fluently, like a native, if that’s possible.
>I have better health.
>I have better opportunities.
>My inspiration won’t ever, ever dry down.
>Someone to read my work.
>The courage to ask someone to read my work.
>Would you read my work? No. Forget it.
>Things won’t change for the worse.

I kind of wish…
>I have a Coach Poppy bag.
>And a pair of Coach Poppy flats.
>Chanel stuff.
>L’occitane stuff.
>Benefit stuff?
>I’m being materialistic. But I really want a new bag.
>I don’t know. I need to think. Hmm.
>Oh yeah! I wish I have Harry Potter books in Arabic. :D

I will update this post once I’ve thought it through. lol

+_+_+

I was clearing my HDD the other day.

And I somehow stumbled across an old YM conference.

The conference brought back fond memories, something that used to curl my lips upwards for weeks.

We were goofing around, role-playing instead of merely chitchatting. I remembered how my mother used to yell at me for continuously YM-ing and didn’t do anything productive.

I suppose that was why I left the whole community.

Duchess, the one who always stood by the Queen’s side, even though her Duke husband cheated her off or something to that extend.
Princess, and her rebellious nature of running away with her true love instead of marrying the prince that the Queen had chosen.
Maid, the one who took care of the royal family loyally, despite how her beloved footman lived in the other kingdom.
Bear, who stood by the Princess, no matter how rebellious she was, and stood by the Queen, no matter how forgetful she was.

And of course, the kings, the duke, the princes, the footmen, and all those imaginary characters…

The Queen (me) truly miss all of you! (yes, including those imaginary ones)

And recently, I came across a thread in a forum, mentioning my username…

They asked if anyone knows where I am right now.

No one really knows, of course.

I still remember, after leaving the land of forgetfulness (how contradictory…), I used to jump into the mm wagon and spend my entire day doing nothing but mere chitchatting.

Until I realized how such activity seems to lack productivity, so I decided to leave them altogether.

I know how terrible I am, but leaving discreetly is undeniably better than announcing your departure.

Because that way, I wouldn’t keep visiting them again, reading their replies on my goodbye letter.

At least this way, I can forever forget them, and they will do so with me.

As they say.

Internet is a place where cowards could roam free.

And cowards include me, I guess.

From the bottom of my heart…

I’m sorry. m(_ _)m

Hajj 1430 - Part 3 - A Day in Mina (I)

(ok right. So. Why is that Twitter widget displaying the account of someone else? Wait what? o.o)

(ok that was settled. hmm.)

...

I was downed with a terrible fever.

And by terrible, I mean, extremely incomprehensibly out-of-this-world-in-your-face terrible *dies*

Hence the lack of updates.

:D

Anyhow, as mentioned before in my cliffhanger, my mouth somehow managed to extort the contents of my stomach out from the dark pit of my hole and into the filthy world, staining my hijab and abaya with the awful unprocessed leftovers, further manifesting the air with its horrible stench and causing me to bear the image of a walking corpse.

Okay, I did not say that. But that was exactly what’d happened…in a nutshell.

I suppose I was in luck at the time. My dinner only consisted of breads and biscuits—nothing too heavy, nothing too icky—so it wasn’t that horrible. Also, as customary per Saudi’s rule, every female was required to wear black garments in public, so I didn’t look that messed up—maybe. Hopefully.

At least the blackness of it all conveniently hid every little speck of stains from the eyes of mortals, enough to blind them from seeing my horrific state. I couldn’t be more grateful. Really. No joke. I was grateful that I wore black from head to toe. Literally. Really.

However, I did consume those edible little white things called bread and biscuit, so you bet that some of the whitish residues were still hanging on my clothes, desperately trying to contaminate me with that ferocious willpower of theirs, holding to their last breaths, wanting their existence to be noticed by all of these mortals alike, anything in their power to make me appear the least graceful…

I will not let that happen, obviously.

My mother handed me a small towel to wipe the residues away, but it proved to be incapable of battling the rest of them out of my clothes. She told me to use my handkerchief then, but really, my handkerchief was filled with booger and phlegm and all those nasty stuff—I didn’t want my hijab to suffer such a disgusting end. D:

*I’m being melodramatic, I know*

Thankfully, the residues weren’t that noticeable after several wipes, and the wetness wasn’t apparent either, thanks to the garment being black. But I still smelled horrible, no thanks to the black.

To put it simply, I smelled like dead fish, fishy and stinky, not to mention, sticky.

I rhymed! :D

lol

Anyway.

After frantically wiping my vomit away with the pukey towel and booger handkerchief, the bus continued his hiccupping, but several minutes later, the bus no longer performed the notion, rigidly standing with zilch movement, only releasing the busting sound of engine into my ears.

I was fumed with desperation—I thought the traffic had no longer jammed but glued together instead. Take note, the windows were securely veiled, and in the state that I was in, I was too exhausted to even lift the curtain, so I had no idea that the reason for the sudden bus freeze was because we had finally arrived.

Yay.

It was not until the males started standing and retrieving their luggage from the upper compartment did I realize that we had finally reached our destination. Relieved, I primed myself, making sure that I looked presentable. I waited for the door to open, because aside from the nauseating air, I was afraid that my uncouth behavior would repeat itself.

And by that, I mean the puking. Obviously.

I waited for the door to open, counting the seconds, pushing the gas in my lungs all in. Since I sat at the heart of the bus, the first line of the females, the door was exactly on my right. Thus, I had a greater chance to be the first to waltz out.

I was proven wrong. Instead of jolting out of the door, my mother quickly dashed out faster than me, carrying my vomit bag with her.

Yay.

For a moment, I thought she wanted to escape the horrible stench of my puke, but apparently not.

I considered waiting for my sister—she sat directly behind the door—but the gas in my lungs prompted me—no—forced me to dolt out of the bus as fast as possible. Discreetly vomiting was one thing, publicly puking was…downright humiliating.

So off I went, and after a while, my sister followed my suit, but as she was about to gracefully step down, the bus started moving.

The slight movement caused uproar by the passengers, and panicking, my sister refused to free herself from the clutches of the bus. But I said, “Come on, jump!” because really, the bus was moving in a speed that could match a turtle. It moved because it was giving some space to the bus behind it. Duh.

She listened. And she jumped. While the bus was moving.

Kind of dangerous, sure, but no harm was done. Like I said, the bus wasn’t moving in such a high speed anyway.

We stood near our luggage, watching our dad unloading the rest of the bags from the bus’s stomach. I was still feeling anxious, and agitatedly, I asked my sister, “Do I look weird?”

And she answered, “No. You look normal.”

And by normal, she meant…

I shuddered at that.

Anyway, I didn’t trust her.

Not one bit.

Because I was certain that others were staring at me strangely.

I know it.

They can see the leftover puke.

Oh…no.

I feigned ignorance, and I was not sure how effective that was, but anyway, I followed my group into the city of tents, my eyes loudly scanning the place about, my brain refused to cooperate, causing a minor conflict in my system, disabling my conscious to comprehend every single information that flew right in front of my nose. I was not even sure about the exact route to my tent, the place that I was in, the exit, the front gate—all I saw was tents, and more tents, and a whole lot of tents, and more of those…white tents.

Okay, I admit. MY SENSE OF DIRECTION IS BEYOND TERRIBLE. THAT IS LIKE, THE MAJOR FLAW OF MY LIFE D:

Moving on.

We moved with the pace, passing several tents in the process, referring to our Hajj’s tag for our tent’s number—mine was 31—hearing the directions from the staff—but I was in such a dreamy state to notice, or even comprehend, their laser words—before finally, we arrived at a fairly large tent.

Upon entering, I was mentally impressed, since hey, the place looked mighty comfortable! Two giant carpets were neatly laid on the sore ground, hiding any trace of potential coldness experienced by the lack of floor. Twenty sofabeds were stacked side by side, neatly arranged near the flimsy tent’s wall. A cozy-looking pillow peeked from the head of the bed, accompanied by a furry blanket, inviting the heavy-lidded and sleepyhead for a momentary doze. I was intrigued.

Still, the clock had just strike 5, and the Fajr prayer will be in time at any moment now, so a brief nap was out of question. A nap could lead to greater things, you see. A sleep, for example.

I sat on the sofabed, gazing at nothing at all, hearing the outbreak of a supposedly minor error from the management—there was a slight mistake in arranging the people in our tent—all the while wanting to be invisible.

It didn’t work, apparently.

I tried to dissolve into the wind, become invisible, gone, far beyond, and I was too immersed in that particular idea that I nearly didn’t realize the aunt in front of me had took the liberty of actually talking to me, piercing my thick skull with her question, albeit pleasant, “Tired?”

I was caught off guard.

Oh scratch that, I was always caught off guard.

Anyway, that was awkward.

Because really, tired from a mere bus ride? For real?

If a mere bus ride could strip all of your energy in one blow, then how are you going to withstand the hardness of the Hajj’s deal? Really, how?

That did it.

I felt a chilled breeze prickling my face.

So in my defense, this was what I answered.

“…”

Blinked.

“Uh…”

Silence.

“Yeah.”

THAT WAS SO PATHETIC AAAAAH *DUSH* FAIL.

To be continued. D:

Because this post had grown really long, you see. :|

Hajj 1430 - Part 2 - Jeddah to Mina

Continuing the amazing tale of yours truly…

The colleague of my father—simply known as Mr. Bandar, drove a nice Toyota Corolla, a car he usually takes whenever he needs to drive his passengers around. He's pretty nifty with the road, slick with the shortcuts and all, but I have a certain problem with cars in general—they made me nauseous.

I have no problem with 4WD, so that’s quite a mystery.

I’m not trying to be ultra-spoiled or anything, it's just that maybe the way they drove their car was too vehement and adventurous, which made my brain rebelled with anger and shook the nerves with fury, further causing my head to spin, and my stomach to churn, urging my system to blackmail me with potential vomit bursting out of my mouth. Perhaps that’s it.

So, feeling nauseous and all, I tried to sleep it off, but that was impossible apparently, so I tried to control myself, and so, I did just that, sucking the vomit all in, and finally, at long last, we arrived in front of the Al-Mi3ad’s office at 6PM, with the contents in my stomach fully intact.

Arriving, we were enlightened with the fact that none of the Malaysians had arrived yet.

Well of course, when the bus was expected to arrive on 10PM, you would expect that no one in their right minds would come four hours before the schedule.

Except for those who live far away from Jeddah, that is.

And by ‘those’, I’m referring to my family, obviously.

It was a good thing that there’s a musallah near to the office. It was fairly empty, so we were able to do anything to our hearts’ content.

Uh…not really.

The musallah is a public praying hall, with transparent glass wall and no barrier for the women’s section. At least in Malaysia, there is a thick veil covering the male and female section, but there’s none here.

We can pray alright, but if you’re thinking of doing something else, then I suppose it’s not that appropriate.

Not exactly good if you’re thinking of taking a nap.

Which you might want to if you need to wait for another four hours.

It was a good thing that the place was relatively remote with barely any person visible, or else we would feel—at the very slightest—uncomfortable hanging out in the musallah, sitting around, waiting for the bus while munching cookies.

Because you know, who does that in a musallah?

So off we waited, performing the Maghrib and Isyak prayer, studying the Hajj’s guide once more, reading the Al-Quran, munching cookies, stuff like that…

Until we had enough and decided to mingle a bit.

The staff at the Al-Mi3ad’s office noticed our expressions of boredom, so he took a medium sized rag, positioning it on the side of the office and ordered us to sit there.

We sat there for a moment, but then I stood.

It felt very odd to sit right in the middle of the path.

So I stood, walking here and there, and right on time, just as I was lazily pacing back and forth in front of the office, the sound of Adzan broke the peaceful night, summoning all the Muslims to perform the Isyak prayer together.

We had already jama3 our prayer, so it didn’t apply to us. And it was a good thing that we left the musallah early, because really, imagine sitting there while the males populating the space in the musallah, and you tried to exit from the land of males, wouldn’t that be difficult? Odd? Embarrassing, even?

So yeah, we waited outside of the office (since the office is too small to fit us all in, and besides, they didn’t allow females in either), occasionally checking the musallah to see if they’ve finished their prayer or not…

Which of course they haven’t.

Because Saudis (or maybe all Arabians, I don’t know) begin their prayer fifteen minutes after the Adzan. You bet the waiting was strenuous.

Long story short, the praying finally finished, and we waited in the musallah again. My nausea had subsided as well, and by 10, we decided to leave our shell and greet the snails. Heeh.

I’m not the friendliest person on earth, but I think I’ve proven to others to be quite the cold and gloomy person, first impression-wise.

There's a reason for that! I can't concentrate on anything else whenever my brain decided to do her dirty work.

And by dirty work, I meant analyzing stuff.

First of all, I was shocked to see the Malaysians in Jeddah. How on earth could they survive wearing colorful hijabs and trendy abaya? And some of them even had white abaya on, and I was like, “Oh, you can wear that here?” :O

Mental shock, I know…

I’ve been to Jeddah for a couple of times, and yeah, I do notice how some had colorful hijabs on their heads, but that was only…5% of the majority.

And I thought those 5% were tourists, not expats.

To see those 5% right in front of my eyes at the same time was quite of a shock.

I was accustomed of seeing women thoroughly in black with only a slit of eyes visible behind their veil, so to see them dressed quite differently compared to me made me felt a bit queasy…and I was not even wearing my niqab.

At that time, I concluded that those are the ways of Malaysians in Jeddah. I suppose Jeddah was not as strict as other states, and the mentalities of Jeddah’s people are probably far more opened than the rest of the Arabians.

So anyway, half an hour after that, we boarded the bus, taking our seat while the leader handing out the sajjadah (if we’d known they’d give us this, we wouldn’t bring ours in the first place), our name tag and face masks.

Then it was waiting time. Again.

Because others’ hadn’t arrived yet, you see.

As time ticking by, one by one, people began to arrive. The time stroke 11, but not everyone still in sight. By 12, the bus had yet to move its lazy bum. And finally, by 1, the last passenger arrived, and the bus made for his run.

Except he wasn’t running on a smooth surface.

But before I elaborate further, I have a small rant.

One thing that had been bugging me during the trip from the start was that the bus’s curtain was placed in a rather odd way. You couldn’t slide it off to see the view; it seemed as if they just hanged a long cloth from the front window to the last and called it a day. You need to pull the curtain upwards to see the views, and who wants to continuously do that, really?

Anyway, ranting aside, the bus started to move, but not before stopping to gasp for some air. And it moved again, then stopped, probably taking a whiff of smoke.

No, the bus was not problematic or anything of that sort, it was just that the road’s condition was too severe for the bus to handle. It was the Hajj’s season, the road was packed with people going to the same destination, fulfilling the last pillar of Islam.

It felt like ages sitting in the bus, hearing the noisy honking, the loud brakes, and behold behold, the nausea sensation decided to resurface again. I tried to calm down, thinking to myself that I can sleep it off, I couldn’t possibly vomit in front of all these strangers, and yeah, I sat beside a stranger as well, and I don’t want her impression of me to be tainted with vomit…o.O

But by 4AM, we still hadn’t arrived, and I can feel the pressure churning my stomach, begging to let go, gas tried to escape from my lungs, and I just can’t bear it anymore, so I talked to the Hindi auntie beside me to call for my mother.

And she did. Off she left, and my mother took over her seat.

And I puked.

To be continued. D: