Monday, May 31, 2010


Quite hard to imagine that the country isn’t that far from where I am.

Miles from here, people are being attacked, killed…not only did they barely manage to stand up after the previous attack, Israel decided it wasn’t enough, and attack those who lend a hand as well.

As mentioned by Queen Rania of Jordan:

Every ship that tries to break the blockade is a Ship of Hope for the people of #Gaza.

But Israel attacks them, and according to Malaysiakini, there are approximately twelve Malaysians in that ship. But the national news didn’t report that.

Not sure if the news is false or they didn’t feel the need of publishing that particular information.

I’ve met a couple of Palestinian in Mecca and Medina. As you might have known, those two places are holy cities for the Muslims, and I was often touched by their level of devotion and compassion to our God. They prayed for their safety, for the sake of their country, for their people, anything at all, to escape from the cruelty of Israel.

This is their trial. How are they going to overcome this? How are we going to help them overcome this? Going there and fight along with them?

The only logical thing we could do now is pray for their safety.

Let’s raise our hands and pray.


To think that others' trials are bigger than us. Compared to them, ours are just so simple and not at all life-threatening.

Study? You can study. Exam? Figuratively lethal but doesn't really cost you your life. Work? Relationship? Love?

Do you find yourself sitting outside without a shelter, begging for money, no idea if you'll get the chance to eat today, traumatized by gunshots, and things like that? If you somehow have the chance of surfing the net, then I dare say not.

So stop saying your life is meaningless and boring for once. Ton of things to do in this world, things to learn, people do everything in their power to live.

You still have the chance. So wake up and don't take your life for granted.

I'm quite pissed at people who say that life is boring, when people are fighting right and left for their lives, and I myself am struggling for the sake of my own life.

Please, pray for them.

And pray for yourself.

May God bless all of you.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I’ve always loved Hilary Duff. Kids nowadays grew up with Hannah Montana, but I’m from the Lizzie McGuire era, so you can tell that I’m not that young, but not that old either. I suppose.

But after Lizzie McGuire, Hilary Duff kind of lost her sparks and quietly she faded into the background, and I found myself no longer interested in her movies and life, so I drifted away.

Recently, she did a television movie based on a book by Daniella Bronsky (The Diary of a Working Girl) under the title Beauty and the Briefcase.

Now, I don’t watch chick-flicks all that much. The last chick-flick movie I’ve seen is The Devils Wear Prada, and that is only because my two fashion-lovers brothers tagged me along.

See I have four brothers. Two are fashion lovers and another two are game lovers. But all four are technology lovers. So my life was rather influenced by them. It was nice to talk about fashion and game to them, but sadly, they are unknowledgeable about makeup and girly games, as most guys do. But that’s fine, because I got to tag along into designer stores and gaming stores! Yeah. But I can’t buy anything though. I have no moolah. I couldn’t ask them to buy anything for me either, because then my mom would say, “Why would you waste money on this shirt when it’s exactly the same as the RM20 one?!” Yeah exactly.

I’ve read the Devil Wears Prada book as well, but that was ages ago. I associate chick-lit books with my middle school years, so truthfully I am quite out of the loop.

But I haven’t seen Hilary Duff’s acting for…years. And the synopsis kind of sounded like The Devils Wear Prada + How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days + Confession of a Shopaholic.

Now, I haven’t actually watched the latter movies, but I’ve read the entire Shopaholic series, and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days was often played on TV so I kind of get the gist of it even though I’ve never watched it entirely.

Oh wow a such long introduction. Anyway, I watched it, not too impressed with Hilary Duff’s acting, rather swayed by the entire cast, had a good time with it, and it kind of made me think.

Her character, Lane Daniels (Lane Silverman in the book) didn’t have much luck with men, because she lives in her own fantasy world where she expects her dream guy to have these kinds of specific criteria. And because of that, she misses the potential Mr. Right while keep searching for the imaginary Dream Guy. In the end, the Mr. Right might not be your most ideal type, but he is the most ideal for you.

And that is true. I was flummoxed and sometimes amused as people list the criteria of their ideal partners, and that includes, curly, straight, has dimples, clear skin, exciting, spontaneous, romantic, fair, tan, NC15, NC40, bla bla bla…

I don’t mind if your list has these attributes: kind, gentle, caring, religious, and again, bla bla bla, because you’re going to live with them for eternity and it won’t do to have an evil and cruel partner right?

But as long as you’re comfortable with your significant one and as the infamous phrases go, “I want to wake up everyday next to you,” and “I want to see your face first thing in the morning,” then that’s fine, I think. Well, I don’t have much knowledge about this either because I tend to gloss over ewwy pukey things like this but sometimes people seek for the oddest things in their partners.

So, I don’t believe in checklists. That person may be short or tall or dark or fair or whatever he is but as long as he looks nice to my eyes and strikes me as the right one then that’s the most important, right? I think so.

But I’m not going to think more into this because I’m not too interested in this anyway. It’s fun to see people’s preferences though.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Ideal Clothes for Muslim Girls

As days go by, I am more convinced that these types of clothing are definitely ideal for a female Muslim.

This is how a female Muslim should typically appear.

Loose clothing and a scarf that covers your head and chest. Saudi has a rule where everyone must wear this kind of garments in its country, and the real reason behind it, or so I was told, is that Muslim females should wear clothes like those admirable women in the prophet's time, because that is the most ideal.

Niqab/burka isn’t a necessity in our religion, but from my observation, people wear it for these reasons:

1. Different beliefs – there are those who interpret God’s messages differently than us.
2. Sun and sand – sunscreen isn’t readily available, and sands could always get into your eyes and nose, and thus this black veil is a protection for their skins and nose.
3. Family tradition – family’s honor is a huge concern here, and one mistake could ruin the entire clan. So to make sure that the family members wouldn’t be talked about around town, female members must cover their identity. It’s fine for men because they can still marry even if their reputations are ruined, but most women cannot. So better to hide than take the risk.
4. Safety – there is a higher risk of a sexy girl to be raped than a veiled girl who’s probably ugly and has no asset underneath those black garments.

So as you can see, niqab is not restricting a woman’s right, but rather, it is protecting them from potential dangers and so on. There is a research here that says Arab women seldom get nasal cancer, simply because they wear niqab.

And truthfully, they need the niqab. Or else the sun will burn their skin and they will be exposed to the risk of nose cancer.

You might not see the men cover their faces in pictures and so on, but actually they do. They wear this scarf calls shmugh on their heads like typical Arabs do—this is to protect their heads from the heat of the sun, and they would wrap the ends of their scarf around their mouth during sandstorm.

So all in all, it is not a necessity in religion, but highly recommended if you wanted to visit the Middle East someday.

That, and you wouldn’t attract the attention of you being a foreigner.

Anyhow, the point of this post is about the ideal clothing for a Muslim female.

I found that many Muslim girls were turned off by Saudi’s clothing rule.

It’s actually convenient, really.

One: Hijab.

(this is a long hijab where you wrap it around your head)

(this is a khimar)

Although many adult women like to wear khimar for the simplicity of it, young women tend to love wearing long scarf and wrap it around their heads.

It is convenient because you don’t have to unlatch your pins and so on if you need to perform your ablution.

It is not as convenient because sometimes it tends to slip off.

But the reason why many people love this is because…

It covers the chin. So you don’t have to wear a separate hijab for praying.

Two: Abaya

Sure, abaya isn’t as fashionable or pretty as jeans or skirts or blouse or so on…

But it is beautiful, and the looseness of it could double up as your praying clothes.

So again, no need to wear separate praying clothes. It’ll save some spaces in your handbag from carrying your praying clothes, right?

Three: Gloves

(I suppose you know how gloves look like and I'm lazy to upload pictures...if you can't tell XD)

Our ablution will be invalid if we touch a guy who has no relation to us.

Such a waste of water to perform ablution again, especially in the Middle East where water doesn’t come by as easily as say…oil.

So saving your ablution is important, and it’s better to take precaution.

Four: Socks

It’s self-explanatory.

But in case you didn’t get it, then feet is also part of the body that needs to be covered, and it’s convenient to wear it instead of wearing long skirts. That way, if the skirt was blown by the wind or something, your feet still weren’t visible.

As for the black? Well, the guys have to wear white, which reflects heat, while the girls have to wear black, which absorbs heat.

If anything, it tells you that girls should always stay at home and don’t go outside too much. Or be prepared to live in your personal sauna.

Restriction or safety?

Depends on your view I suppose.

But anyway, the real reason for the blackness and whiteness is because they want everyone to be treated equally. Surely if you wear sloppy clothes, those shop assistants won’t spare you a glance, but if your clothes are all high-ends from head to toe, they will treat you like you rule the world.

So it’s nice to wear like everyone else, at least people wouldn’t question the amount of money in your pocket.

The only thing they would question is your bag.

But who cares. Maybe she likes the pattern of that cheap bag…right right?


So yes. This is why, my fellow Muslim sisters, abayas are better than jeans and whatnot. It’s convenient.

Okay maybe not so when running.

But you can always wear pants inside and run when situations demand it.

Treat it as a cloak! Or a robe. Then you’ll be like someone from Harry Potter.

Interesting, isn’t it? >:D

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oh God, give me strength.

I think one of the reasons why I constantly switch blogs and had various nicknames was because I am always ashamed of my own self. Reading the archives made me realized how naïve and foolish I was, despite how those said entries aren’t even a year old. To be honest, this blog hasn’t reached its first anniversary yet. But already I felt as if I’ve grown far mature than the first post of this blog, and if I can, I want to escape from the reality of it and start anew. But that’s cowardly, isn’t it?

From the moment I started this blog, I had different goals in mind. Then a thing led to another, and I found that instead of becoming a blog catering to people, it’s more of a rant space where I can randomly drawl and write whatever on my mind. And for once, my entries are honest because frankly, I don’t want to write stupid things and signed it off with my real name.

Although, most of my entries ARE kind of stupid, but you get the point. At least I no longer am a hypocrite. Freedom of speech/write, so to speak.

I almost never discuss my everyday life, because really, if I were to do that, then I’d be writing, Today I ate cereals, like yesterday, but instead of sugar, I put honey, unlike yesterday, then I did aerobic, like yesterday, then I studied, like yesterday, then it was the listening test, while doing yoga, like yesterday, then I studied some more, like yesterday…

My father always said that always, in a day, the sweetest thing would appear, and if a person is perceivable enough, he would notice. No day is ordinary, and no day is the same.

But I don’t think that particular sweetest thing is worth blogged about. It is sweet alright, but only to me, since I am the only one who can understand it.

I believe that an hour later, I will be smarter than the previous hour, tomorrow I will be smarter again, and next year, I will know a ton of things compared to last year, and experience a whole lot more, more intelligent and mature that I will look down at the old me and feel ashamed of my naivety and stupidity.

But that’s not the most admirable way to go, isn’t it? So yes, I’m trying to accept my flawed past, because without my past, there is, after all, no me.

So now I will continue the hobby that I like best, instead of hanging down my head in shame.

I may not have the talent, I may be wasting my time, but it is my passion, after all.

And so, I will start writing a book again.

And I will NOT, do things for the sake of impressing others. I will do this for my sake, for teaching myself the hardness of life, for preparing myself of things to come.

Because you can't always live under your parents' wings. Or rely solely on your husband. You need to be independent, like it or not, for your own sake. You need to have something that you cherish, something that you love, reminding yourself of how precious you are, so that your life won't be a monotonous line with zilch excitement.

So, I will start being creative again.


Oh Allah, give me strength.

P/S: I think this post is slightly weird. I don't know. My light bulb lights up and my eyes are blinded I think.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Heya Fawda!

It seems as if most of the news I read nowadays are related to the police corruption, for example, the case of the police shooting a 15 year old boy to death because he illegally drove over the limit. The shooting might happen because he didn’t stop when the police ordered him to (which according to the witness—his friend who went with him but managed to escape early—they were chased by a motorcycle gang because they crashed onto one of their members’ car, so they were scared to stop). Lesson learned, whenever a police orders you to stop, you MUST stop.

Yet, even if you stopped, even if they were cops, it wouldn’t guarantee your safety at all. A girl was caught overspeeding in the middle of the night and she was stopped by the police. But instead of giving her a summon and let her go, the police ordered her to strip her clothes and pose aggressively.

Now…not stop, and you’ll probably get shot. Stop, and there goes your virtue, probably.

(these two cases happened in Malaysia, by the way)

The world is not a happy, safe place anymore. Not only do you have to be aware of criminals, the force isn’t even by your side either.

This reminds me of an Egyptian movie titled “Heya Fawda” (The Chaos). I was ecstatic about this movie at first since it starred two of my favorite Egyptian actors in it, and honestly, this movie didn’t let me down at all.

It portrays the image of a troubled, corrupted policeman and how the power of the community can throw him down.

Sometimes, all you need is a little teamwork. Or as the English-cartoon-which-was-dubbed-in-Malaysian-language-which-was-insanely-popular-with-the-kids-and-grown-up-people-as-well-I-suppose say, “Apa yang penting? kerjasama!”

Okay I don’t know what the exact English phrase in the cartoon is but roughly the line means, “What’s important? Teamwork!”



Seriously, just watch the movie straight ahead and ignore this trailer above. English subtitles are available so you don’t need to know Arabic to understand it, which is why I recommend it in the first place. :D You can find it somewhere in the virtual world yeah the net of course did I say torrent? Nope. :P

Some says the movie is not the greatest work of Youssef Chahine, but I haven’t watched lots of his movies, so I can’t comment. One thing I’m positive—this movie is awesome. At least to me.

Anyhow, please, may there be no more corruption in this world.

…sounds too good to be true huh?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The world that I see, is sweeter than in my dreams~

Sometimes, I woke up from my deep slumber and said,

“Boo it’s just a dream let my cry a river let me cry at the corner—”

Sometimes, I woke up from my sleep with extremely wide eyes and gasped,

“Whoa it’s just a dream!”


It’s not as fearsome as nightmares, nor is it as sweet as dreams. Just a healthy balance of those two, and well, that is nice, if you think about it.


shufti dunya, a7la min al7alimti bih~

That is a lyric excerpt from Nancy Ajram’s song, Elli Kan, which is my ultimate favorite song from her, and the inspiration for this post, I suppose.

The world that I see, is sweeter than in my dreams.

Yes because in my dream, I was this close from being a billionaire! (who knows maybe I’ll be very corrupted by the money in my pocket and that’ll cause my brain to leave me or something)

And this close from being eaten by a shark! (who knows maybe I’ll survive and I’ll be famous but then I would have a change of personality by all the attention and that’ll cause my brain to leave me or something)

(I really love my brain)

Really, not that important. Being average is cool. If you look very hard then you'll see that the life you have now couldn't suit you better, couldn't be even more better. And if your life indeed becomes better, it's because you deserve it, or it's a challenge for you, who knows. And if your life continues to be as it is, well, perhaps change doesn't deserve someone as precious as you, or that change is hazardous to you. Again, who knows.

P/S: Speaking of important I’ve been watching lots of vlogs on youtube and that is not important at all I don’t think I’m trying to cut down on that but I’ve fallen in love with people’s vlogs and no longer blogs HAH! Hee :D

Psistillstalkyoubutyoucouldntseemecuziusegooglereader :P

Monday, April 26, 2010

don't look down on others.

Now, I believe there are two types of people in this world.

Those who basically announce to the world about their busyness and how pack their lives are.

And those who keep quiet, didn’t say a thing, only submit their finished work after the work has been completed.

Which is better, in your opinion?

I suppose more people will choose the second one. Less talk more work?

Now then, that MAY be the case, but somehow, those who mum about their works aren’t getting a lot of respect.

People thought they are unimportant, thus been given the opportunity to just sit around and wiggle their feet doing nothing…important.

They didn’t know that behind their noses, these people work hard, almost madly, to finish their job.

But do all these announcers know that? No. Of course they’d think that the quiet ones are insignificant and unimportant and incompetent and thus been given less work because they are a waste of space and so because of that they didn’t say much because they didn’t have much to say.

Or so they think.

Isn’t it just insulting for someone to say, “Here do this thing. I bet it’ll simulate your brain a bit because…you know…”

Now I’m not one to swear, in fact, I hate swearing, I don’t mind people of other religions swearing, but I SERIOUSLY CAN’T STAND listening/reading Muslims swearing aloud, because…hey do you even know what you’re saying? Now, perhaps people of different religions are thinking that I’m making a big deal out of this, but to see these Muslims, who are SUPPOSED to keep their souls clean and whatnot (I admit my soul is not that clean with what kind of corruption I’ve gotten into but I tried not to show it that much…and kept it to myself, mostly) are spewing blasphemy and openly showing profanity is just…wrong.

I know it’s quite hard to grasp why I loathe seeing them swearing, but that’s not my point. And I don't feel like elaborating that.

Anyway my point is, I’m not one to swear, but listening to that statement, I can’t help but say…


Do these people honestly think that those quiet ones are doing nothing in their days?

Like, absolutely nothing significant? Randomly browsing the internet? Is that what you think?

Just because they didn’t tell the world about their ‘busyness’, their brains are not simulated?

I don’t mind if you pour your entire hectic schedule in your blog or twitter or facebook because those are your personal pages and you deserve to write anything you want and no one has the right to control that because that’s YOURS.

But when you talk to someone, say buzz someone online, or call them, and then proceeded to say that, “Oh I’m so busy…oh I have a lot of assignments…oh you know what I can’t really talk to you right now…”

“Then why did you talk to me?”

“Well if I hang up you probably would get mad…”


“I would LOVE to be you for second, I mean, my life is such a chore lately it’s not even funny…”

“My life is busy too.”

“Really…” muttered the person lazily, “Anyway, oh how busy I am…”

Now, it’s fine if this type of situation only occurs once, more in the sense that you’re releasing your tension over your never-ending busyness…

It’s fine if this is the second time, three times even…heck I don’t mind fifth times…

But if your sole purpose of contacting others is to ‘brag’ about your busyness, only calling to compare the busyness between you and her, then you deserve to be smacked.

That’s just plain degrading.

What are you, the president?

What is she? A lowly no-life?


Which one do you want to be, the quiet one or the loud one?

Wait scratch that, be what you want to be, but first, make sure you actually FINISH the job.

It’s laughable when you claim you have a lot of work, which shows how busy and significant and important you are, because you have the most work, but in the end, it just becomes like that because you didn’t do a thing and everything is jumbled together. Accumulated work, you know? Who’s the laughing stock now?

Just saying.

This looks like a rant.

Well I supposed it is.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

totally random post it doesn't matter I don't really know

I somehow change my profession again.

I mean like my whole life is terribly random. I find myself learning programming because I have a dream involving water and me playing in it and you know how water dream means money and stuff no not the wet dream obviously—

I mean. Yeah. Maybe this is it! Maybe this is my destiny!

*I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said that line XD*

For the sake of the world, I will endure. The universe needs my programming skills so I will uhh…yeah continue studying.

Programming is fun though. That’s a plus.

(actually the reason I learn programming is because they need a programmer and I am very techie and stuff so they made me learn one because I need to do some programming yeah I’m repeating too much okay this entry is silly duh)


P/S: Looks like I won't be a tailor anytime soon...well in my household it's easier to buy an iPad then a sewing machine because they would go, "You want a sewing machine??! Puahahahah!" Talking about iPad, I might be getting know, for programming sake. *ehem* Or maybe I'll wait for the second generation.

AND I just realized that everyone in my family uses Macbook except for me and my brother...what's up with that? Why am I using Dell? Why is Macbook so darn expensive? D; But I love Windows 7. Oh yeah go Windows 7 yeah :D

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Highest Compliment of All

How would you react when someone says,

Your existence is a nuisance. I wish you never exist.

But at least we can counter his statement by saying,

My existence has nothing whatsoever to do with you. We have different objectives in life. Who are you to question God’s creation anyway?

Or something to that extend.

But what if someone says this to you?

Thank God you are here.

Not for being here right at this second, but more of, ‘I’m grateful for your existence.’

All is well if you’ve known that you’ve done miraculous things to the person, but what if you did none of those things, but instead, bother her a lot, consider yourself as a nuisance to her, and always gets in her way?

To hear her say that, isn’t that downright weird?

Perhaps your existence is not a nuisance to her after all?

Doesn’t bother her that much?

She finds that endearing? (or if she doesn’t, you should totally make an effort to change it I suppose...)

No, more than that, your existence turns out to have a significant to someone after all?

I sincerely think that when a person admits that she is grateful for your existence in her life, that is the highest compliment of all.

Or maybe one of the highest. You never know. :D

So start looking at all the people that matters around you, and appreciate their existences.

You are here because of them. Without them, who are you?

Yes I'll be kinder from now on. Yoroshiku m(_ _)m

Thank God for your existence, or else I won't be the person I am today. And I rather not be any other person than the person I am today.



p/s: Yay I blogged XD

Sunday, March 28, 2010

maybe nonsense can have some sense.

There is a will from Hassan Al-Bana that says, “Do not waste your time doing nonsense things even for a second,” or something like that.

And I have to say, I don’t think any ordinary human is capable of doing that without reaching for worldly matters for a brief second.

Like we’re supposed to study but we don’t. Like I’m supposed to try my brilliantly genius study plan but here I am blogging.

But there’s a reason, maybe. There’s a reason why I suddenly want to blog. I’ve always loved blogging. I have tons of blogs before, most of those under different nicknames, with this being the first that carries my real name. All because…well…it connected to my facebook, that’s why.

Those other blogs were connected to random forums, and people there knew me by my nickname, and so…that’s why.

Talking about that, I hate how every time I googled for this particular thing, my blog will be the first that popped up.

Tells you how no one shares my view, huh.


Most of the time, after listening to music, this thought will often occur to me…


Because you see, I am NOT AT ALL capable of multitasking, so listening to music, even while surfing the net, is impossible for me.

I have the habit of listening to every aspect of a song, from the voice to the instrumentals to imagining the possible dance and performance and music videos and the crowd’s reactions—

Simply said, my brain couldn’t handle much activity at once.

But it’s always brimming with positivity, deluding me with its sweet words…




…because I always check the lyrics and translations. And ¾ of my song collection consists of foreign songs so…

Naturally, I know quite a lot regarding languages. Kind of. But the point is, at least I’ve been exposed to the beauty of other languages and if there’s a situation that demands such language to be used then I can easily overcome that situation!

And well, it’ll look good on your resume. Hello, I can speak *this language* and *that language*.

(well actually I’m not sure if I can speak those language but I sure do understand those…kind of.)

(but if they asked for certificates then I’m doomed because I learned all of those by myself.)

(but hey, at least you can play all those Japanese games. You know how the American versions of those Japanese games always came out late.)

(…if you learned Japanese, that is.)

Another pointless thing that I did lately is…I watch lots of foreign dramas.

I DID think that it’s pointless.

But my smart brain said that AT LEAST I can stare at a person thoroughly without the paranoia of being caught.

Because…I’m not sure exactly, but apparently I have the habit of observing people…a bit too much.

I remember back then, I was walking with my older sister, and I said, “Hey that girl over there has creases on her pants.”

And she lashed out, “Stop looking at people’s pants you’re embarrassing me!”


And another one.

*saw my distant third-cousin*

“Oh it’s you! No wonder your shirt is familiar.”


Seriously. Shirt??

Me: :D

Honestly, observing people in real life is tough. You saw a lovey-dovey couple in front of you and all you wanted to do was gawked at them and observed their manners and actions and so on but you can’t because it is an uncouth behavior and you’re supposed to ignore and pretend to not see them so yeah avert your eyes now you should close your eyes!

…but I want to watch them…>.>

So here comes the dramas/series! :D

There, I can observe a person’s personality, their reactions to situations, what people do when confronted with stuff like this, what should we do or shouldn’t do if a person is like this, or was his hair nicely gelled or does it stick at the back, or he has double piercings and a dragon tattoo, or what kind of eyemakeup did she has or whether her lashes clumped, or he wore a jacket in one scene but didn’t in another scene, or anything…at all.

Granted, dramas are often exaggerated to the max and couldn’t be considered as slices of life, or so I was told. But it is fun to see a world created by those people behind the scene, a world where they believe humans would react this way when presented with situations like this, and such circumstances could occur in the most bizarre and unexpected times.

And I also have a habit of watching the making of a drama/movie, and if anything, it only makes me want to be a scriptwriter.

Weird that. Because I totally am aiming to be a tailor as of now.

That is so random.

You know, if I could draw, I would have become a mangaka (comic artist) ages ago.

But alas, I don’t have such talent.

So it used to be…detective>healer>author>tailor>scriptwriter>I’m thinking all I will ever be is a translator or typer (wait is that a word...?).

I can type really…really fast.

All thanks to me doing nonsense things back then by writing [SOME STUFF WON’T TELL YOU WHAT].

If not for that, I don’t think my typing will be fast enough, and I don’t think I will have the pleasure of being a part-time urm...typer.

I will type and they will look at my fingers in fascination. In fact, they often commented that the way I type is like playing the piano.

…maybe I could become a pianist.

…maybe not.

[danger I’m complimenting myself ugh]

[well sometimes you just need to compliment yourself]

[it’s great on getting your spirit high]


You might think that your current actions are pointless…

But in reality, you’ll thank yourself for doing random things in the past…it could become handy sometimes in the future.

I am a living proof. :D

Not that I’m encouraging you to procrastinate or something…



This post doesn’t really make sense, doesn’t it? =/ XD Oh well. :D


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

.busy DNW.

.I may not be blogging much nowadays because I’m currently…














And of course…



But most of all, I’ve been…


And that is my update for the day. :D As you can tell, my day is quite packed. Doing nonsense things of course.

Now you’ve known the blandness of my day.


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Just a thought.

Even though I now live in the other continent…

I still feel as if Kuala Lumpur is just mere hours from here, Singapore’s a mile away, UTM’s just around the corner, my brothers at their workplaces, my cousins at my hometown, my friends hanging out at Jusco, and me in my home.

Even though we’re separated by the blue sea, I still feel as if they are breathing in the same place as me.

True enough, they’re still on Earth, but I can feel their presences, despite how I can’t freely see them like I used to be.

Well, it's not as if I see them often anyway, huh?

And that is why, I suppose, I don’t feel homesick.


The thought of me living miles away from them never really struck my mind. That is weird.

But I do feel kind of weird talking to my sister, brother and cousins who live abroad. Makes me think how far I am to them.

So double weird there.

Oh well.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Hold your tongue.

I think being my dad’s phantom is a good thing.

Is it a good thing? I think it’s a good thing. I’m being one at this particular moment, hence the busyness and lack of appearance in several sites that I often frequent.

That, and the fact that my modem decided to unleash his anger on me and refuse to do his job. He won’t connect me to the internet. He refuses to do that. That sucks. And so I resort in ninja-ing someone’s line. Because I, more or less, resemble a ninja more than anything nowadays. I’m very good in being a ninja, I think. I even thought for a second that I’ve grown invisible and could escape from the nosy nose of sitemeter, but that didn’t last long. I suppose sitemeter has reinforced his guarding system and detected my presence even though I tried to act like a ninja. That sucks. But all I ever wanted is to be a spy. Or a secret agent. Or something. But CIA hasn't contacted me yet. Fine. I'll just be a detective then. But I found out that I couldn't really handle dead bodies. Not because the corpses give me goosebumps or anything, it's more of the fact that the unmentionables won't leave me alone. Whatever that is. 8D Or or, I could be an attorney, or a prosecutor even. But I sound like a frog. Or a mouse. Wait. I vaguely remember my friend commenting that my voice sounds like a cartoon character. And that is not a compliment. According to her, that is. Now. Such cartoonish voice couldn't be taken seriously in court, wouldn't it?? I might be shrieking 'Objection' and people wouldn't notice that it's me. And so I wanted to be a spy. Because then people won't hear my cartoonish voice. But CIA hasn't contacted me yet. Wait, I've said that already.




I’m sorry for my absence on YM (…and Twitter…). O.o I’m trying to get my modem to work again! XD

That, and the rest of the time I was online, I kind of was heavily absorbed in the drama that surrounded 2PM and the likes.

Not that I’m a big fan of 2PM, or was I heavily infected when the leader was kicked out of the group, or the revelation that the members turned their backs on the leader, betraying them, as the fans (or should I say, ex-fans?) claimed shocked me senseless, since I don’t follow them that much anyway, so I wouldn’t know, but the point is, it took only a snap of fingers to crumble the wall of respect and loyalty.

Or in this case, it took only a handful of words to make someone lose trust in you, resulting in a cold war between the hottests and the hottest time of the day (uhh…2PM? :D).

Now, some of the hottests (2PM official fanclub) are out to get them, all because 2PM themselves said that the fans didn’t do anything to protect the leader or 2PM from the scandal.

And the leader himself led a dirty life.

And some other stuff.

The fans are furious. Who are they to say that the fans didn’t protect them? And the leader led a dirty life? What a bunch of hypocrites.

Thus they revealed the group’s hard-kept secrets, the horrid truth behind 2PM’s smiling faces, as if mocking, we didn’t protect you? Really, you think so? What is this then? These secrets we’ve kept for years? Leader led a dirty life? Well what do you know, so do you! Fine! You won’t protect leader? Then we won’t protect you anymore. Let the secrets and truth run loose, and let’s see how you manage them when such things happen.

Or so I get the impression.

Moral of the story.

Beware of the things that could escape from your lips. No matter how tired or frustrated you are, it’s unbecoming to add sparks to the fire.

Because the hottests are already burning with rage at the time, so to speak.

On the other hand, perhaps mixing hottests and 2PM will only create more fire, I don’t know.

All of the above shouldn’t be taken seriously. I just feel the need of pointing that out.

We should offer water to the burning fire and watch the sparks died down first. Let the minds think rationally, and if the situation deems it, then propose your thoughts.

But most of all, don't point fingers because as they say, when you point a finger at someone, the rest of your fingers are pointing back at you.

Yes I’ll keep that in mind.

Friday, February 19, 2010


I’m not sure what got into me. Perhaps it was the chilly yet crisp air of Medina’s morning, or maybe it was the ambiance in general, but as I sat there in the Nabawi Mosque, waiting for the Fajr prayer, I come to a conclusion.

God really doesn’t give me what I want, but He always gives me what I need.

I remember how I prayed, and prayed, and prayed more yesterday, hoping that my dream will come true…

But as I sat there earlier this morning, I wasn’t so sure anymore.

Supposedly my wish was granted and I got what I wanted, but if it only will cause heartache in the end, why should I bother?

Perhaps all I ever wanted is not what I really need. If my wish would only prove hazardous to me in the end, then maybe it’s best for that wish to be left in the dust, never be granted.

I remember wanting to jump a grade so bad and pass the PTS test. But I didn’t.

I get it now. Fourth Grade is the beginning of my achievement.

I remember how I didn’t particularly care about my UPSR results, but I got good results nonetheless.

Because of this, I gained much respects from others. This is vital, because then I’ll prove to be incapable. But I was respected nonetheless. All because of the UPSR results.

I remember how I wanted to go to this boarding school so bad, but that school never gave me their offer letter, another school did.

In the end, I went back to my public school. I get it now, the reason I wasn’t offered by the boarding school of my dream was because I would have humiliated my sister if they did.

My life was destroyed by this thing called disease.

But this disease is the thing that saves my life. If I didn’t experience it, I won’t have the chance of boarding the plane and live with sands and camels and goats, won’t I?

The only thing I ever wanted was a normal life, like my friends, if you will, but I got nothing of that sort. Because of that, I live an obscure life. Because of that, I am quite isolated from the real world. And because of that, even though my heart is black, my mentality is quite green. And because of that, I somehow have the chance of living here.

I never wished to be here. I’d never dreamed of stepping a foot here at such a young age. I never dreamed of learning Arabic in the first place. That’s too far of a dream for me to obtain. All I ever wanted is a normal life, but I suppose that dream is far too stretched than the dream of living here.

I am not destined to be like them then, I get that. I don’t really care.

If what God gives me is all I need, then I’m fine with that. Really, only God knows best about anything at all.

I know nothing.

And so…

I will just keep on studying, and stop trying.

After all, like they said, you should only give up when you’ve done everything within your power to obtain the stuff. If you give up because things are getting hard, then you should try harder.

I’ve tried everything within my power. If the other party wouldn’t spare me a chance, if they couldn’t open their hearts to accept me, then what more could I say?

I’ve prayed to God. I’ve tried my hardest.

But this is it, then. If I didn’t get it, then it’s okay.

It’s just something that I don’t need.

Maybe something better will come later. Things that will really prove useful to me.

I just need to wait, then.

May better opportunities come to my doorsteps soon.


P/S: I should have locked this post, shouldn't I? Private and all.


I don’t really care.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ins and Outs February Edition

Supposedly February is the month for lovers…well, what can I say, such a melodramatic month this is. :D

>I’m trying to study diligently and avoid distractions so I’ll eliminate all those other ins!
>I bake too much lately due to my mood inconsistencies…piemuffincakelasagnapizzacurrypuffwhoaimawesome (can’t really eliminate this. Baking is good, isn’t it??)

>Metal songs begone! I love metal to death especially death metal (lol…no actually I like symphonic metal better) but I think my ears are beginning to deafen.
>I watched too many Korean dramas I think I forgot some Arabic and Japanese words so buhbye dramas.
>I must stop listening to those dramas’ soundtracks and daydream about the scenes (or scenes that will never happen but only in my head).
>I don’t like Facebook that much. If only I can say the same about Twitter. Well. CAN’T. D:

Despite all that, I’m going to Medina tomorrow for a couple of days, and I don’t think I’ll have the chance to study there, so I wonder if my resolution will still have its impact when I return.

Hopefully it will. That’s why I wrote this post.


May all of you have a splendid holiday~~~ :D

Monday, February 15, 2010

Me is Me, and You is You

How distinct are we? Have you ever met a person that reminds you thoroughly of someone else, from the end of her hair to the tip of her toes?

Most often, even if you found someone eerily familiar, there’s always this tiny difference that sets them apart, making them unique in their own ways. Be it with their attitude or their thoughts, there’s no one in the world that resembles you.

So before thinking that you are forgettable or typical, and no one will remember you because others are far spectacular, think again.

In this world, there’s only one you. How lucky they are to know you, because no one else could experience the awesomeness that is you.

Let your own charms shine through. That is the secret for a better you.

Stop pretending to be someone else, because that someone is not you.

Just be yourself, and you’ll see that you’re just as cool.

P/S: Doodling...sleepy...doodling...sigh.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

We live in different worlds...or are we?

Someone brought up this subject.

“Love after marriage is sweeter than love before marriage.”

That is to say, he believed that one could see a person’s true color after spending their lives with each other, day and night, no boundaries, no secrets…sooner or later, there’ll be love in the air, engulfing everyone with happiness, happy ever after, such and such…

That is nice and all, but what if your significant other didn’t, or couldn’t, love you? Our hearts aren’t the same. You could live with each other for eternity and still couldn’t touch his heart. I know this, because I’ve seen it loads of times.

Arranged marriage is not an unusual thing in my family. Granted, my father chose my mother over my grandmother’s choice, but other than that, the rest in my family basically follow the path that the heads of the family had chosen.

Then again, I suppose most of them are happy with their spouses, since they look outwardly bliss?

Even now, my cousins are destined with arranged marriage, either because of status or old friendship sake. There is a situation where someone decided to rebel and turn her back against the marriage, and well, that didn’t have a happy ending.

I’ve always known, or perhaps, hoped that I’ll be married to my family’s choice one day. I’ve noticed that others too have the same conclusion in their heads—that, or I wouldn’t get married at all. Personal reasons and all that. My problems are too much of a burden for a mere stranger anyway.

Being the odd one out has always been my greatest charm, but when it turns out like this, it makes me quite miserable indeed.

And even though my parents have clearly made their point on letting us choose our own partner in life—since their own history of arranged marriage made them wary of recklessly pairing their children with another—I, and perhaps everyone, have always known that I, the black sheep, will be excluded.

They’ll have no choice but to find me a suitor one day, and I can only hope that he’ll be someone as amiable as other’s partner.

I held on that thought.

But as I grow up, I’m not so sure anymore.

Reality isn’t as blissful as TV dramas, or even books, isn’t it? Sure, the books may portray the hardships and conflicts that the characters have to endure and overcome, but most, if not all, realize their mistakes and live happily ever after in the end.

How can we be sure that such things could happen in real life?

Not that I have little faith in life, but I’ve seen enough to conclude that things didn’t go as smoothly as on TV.

Sometimes, I wonder, what a household would be like if a husband didn’t have any respect for his wife?

Forget love. If there’s no respect, how can we be certain that a wife could live her entire life with her chosen husband?

It’s not fair to treat your wife like a nobody when you treated everyone like some sort of royalty.

It’s not fair that the wife didn’t know a thing about your life when you basically know everything about hers.

It’s not fair that the wife is nothing but a pretty vase, only there for your own pleasure, for the beauty and what it’s worth.

It’s not fair that your life is your life, and her life is her life.

My father’s life has always been my mother’s life, regardless of her not experiencing it with her own hands. Heck, even I know every single thing about my parents’ lives, since they always discuss and share their day over high tea. They would share their views, support each other’s decisions, criticize their actions, diligently listening to whatever comes out from each other’s mouth…

I am a pampered kid. I thought my parents are ordinary, but that’s not the case apparently. I never realized how outspoken they are, and how quiet some households are.

That makes me sad.

To everyone out there, please, reach out your hands, invite your spouses to your life, to your world.

Don’t take the word matrimony for granted. It’s the joining of two souls isn’t it? Make use of it! Don’t let your wife sheds more tears due to your inconsideration—no, don’t even let their eyes crystallized with shame for marrying you.

May both of you live happily ever after with loads of love until the end of time.

P/S: cringe-worthy English in this post. I know >.>

Sunday, February 7, 2010

You've been awarded~! :D

My first reaction when Olivia from The Land of Makeup Obscurity tagged me was: WHOA I WAS TAGGED! :O AND AWARDED! OH! :O

So here are the rules for the award:

1. To accept the award, you must post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted you the award, and a link to their blog.

2. Pass the award on to approximately 10-15 other blogs that you recently discovered and think are great!

3. Contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

And the award goes to…

1. Pink Sith
3. My Makeup Reviews
4. Hearts unbroken and words untold
5. Daniel Schaumann
6. Vincent Bals
7. Into The Palette
8. From Head To Toe
9. Rouge Deluxe
10. a penny for your thoughts.
11. La.La.Land
12. being me...shades of grey
13. My Lens

(I need to think this through because some people wouldn’t want to be awarded, wouldn’t they?)

(If you wish to not be awarded then tell me and I'll delete your name from the list.)

This is tough. Well. Bye bye. :D

(and I'll contact you...soon...uhh...soon.)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Vanity Fair...?

This post today is brought to you by the overly girl thingy that is Jill Stuart PSP!

Jill Stuart the fashion brand is known for its clean-cut and elegancy (I think) while the cosmetic brand (which is centered in Japan) has more of a frilly and princess-y vibe. I mean, look at this.

Jill Stuart fashion

Jill Stuart cosmetic

As usual with typical Japanese makeup brand, Jill Stuart cosmetic products lean towards the sheer side. Pearlescent and shimmery, the strong point lies in their cute packaging rather than the product itself. There are tons of better products out there, but none of them matches Jill Stuart in terms of packaging. At least, not to me.

I’ve never come into close contact with the fashion brand before, so I can’t comment on that.

Both the makeup and clothes aren’t available in Malaysia, which is a shame, so back then, I would often ogle at Etude House cosmetic stuff instead, because those are cute too.

(but actually I was once fascinated by Etude House because of Go Ah Ra)
(then Jang Geun Seuk caught my attention, I suppose.)
(but then they replaced GAR with Park Shin Hye and I was mildly disappointed.)
(but JGS and PSH CMs together are cuteeeee)
(right now they’ve replaced JGS with Lee Min Ho aka Boys over Flower lead actor, so my fascination is slightly lukewarm.)
(no JGS and PSH CMs didn’t make me a happy camper. T.T)
(but at least they have their drama)
(where was I?)

Now, back to Jill Stuart. I mean PSP.

Well, this PSP looks ordinary to be honest. Just a pink PSP that’s somehow get labeled as Jill Stuart. I could whip this out in public and none could tell that this PSP is THE PSP by Jill Stuart. Unless they decided to stick some frills and bows or some crystals then this isn’t worth purchasing. But I expect most would like to decorate it themselves.

(that's Gaki-san cell phone! :O)

Because decoden is totally every girl’s hobby…no? Oh. Okay. 8D

The bag is the only redeeming factor of the whole thing…but it’s a limited item.

Imagine totting that around…okay I can’t.

It’s amusing on how the attraction of a packaging could lure a person into the dark realm of purchasing. I mean, if Jill Stuart didn’t have such fancy cases, I wouldn’t be charmed.

I might as well buy Coffret D’or or SUQQU.

Then again, if SUQQU isn’t such a classy brand, I wouldn’t be lured in either.

Why buy an LV bag if you hated the monogram? For the name?

This sounds odd, but I was enlightened with the fact that a person, or rather, female, ‘standard’ here is evaluated by her choice in purses and shoes.

Well, since all of us basically wear black garments from head to…ankle, then the only thing visible to the public eyes, or female eyes, so to speak, is the bag on their shoulders, and the footwear on their foot.

If you wear these, then you are chic.

Teenagers: Converse sneakers and Benetton bags
Young adults: Heels/flats and Coach/Burberry bags
Adults: Heels and LV/Marc Jacobs bags

Me: Seriously? Converse shoes?
My 14 year old friend who treats me like I’m 16: Yes! You need to buy one. Seriously, it’ll make you appear trendy.
Me: I think I’m supposed to wear heels.
That 14 year old friend: Heels are for young adults! We young girls should wear sneakers!
Me: Urm…I…urm…I’m 20 you know.

Asians sure take their time in maturing…the face, I mean. XD

Or maybe because I indeed, wear sneakers and a Benetton bag…

Does this mean that I need to have a pair of Louboutin pumps and a Burberry tote bag to act my age?


And I thought such things wouldn’t be noticed here. XD Everyone wears black, and it gives such an appearance of humbleness, I was almost deceived.

It’s understandable though. Black clothes. Eyes automatically focused on colorful things. Bags and shoes obviously. People do once-over. Bla bla bla.

Ack. D:

P/S: I want a Jill Stuart bag.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


“Do you like me? Really, do you honestly like me?”

What if you don’t? Would you lie? Would you tell the truth? Risking on hurting his/her heart?

But it’s better than to thoroughly ignore the person, isn’t it?

“Why aren’t you talking to me? Are you ignoring me? Have you forgotten about me? What have I done? Tell me!”

Yeah. Tell her. Why did you ignore her, but still watch her back? Why did you thoroughly shut her away from your life, but still ask for her news?

SPEAK. Nothing could be solved by silencing your thoughts. You think your friend did something wrong? Tell him. You like someone else? Tell her. You think he has something stuck in his teeth? TELL HIM ALREADY.

Don’t be such a coward and stand in the dark. No one could see you there anyway. Advance, walk forward, let your existence be noticed, speak your mind. Take the risk. Do what you think is best.

Hoping for money to land from the sky is such a far-stretched dream.

If things didn’t go as planned, then advance further. Leave the bitter memories behind. At least you’ve done your best. At least you’ve done SOMETHING. Better than regretting that you’ve done NOTHING.


Take the plunge and do it already!

P/S: Just mildly aggravated by the fact that a friend of mine is being abandoned by her…yeah whatever that is.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Headache, maybe.

(my English in horrendous in this post...I don't know why~~~ D: Tired, maybe? :|)

There are several things that caused my head to throb when I first came here.

One of them is the Persian language.

There’s a channel called MBC Persia, which broadcast western movies with Persian subtitles. I can’t watch the channel at first because my eyes tend to waver towards the subtitles, demanding my brain on why it couldn’t be deciphered.

Of’s in Persian.

And I don’t understand Persian, at all.

It feels like…this is so familiar yet so strange. I know this word but how come it’s so weird?

I kind of understood what they said but at the same time, I don't.

I can read this word but I don't really think so.

That is so weird, right? XD

Then, I began to venture into the world of Arabic dramas, trying to grasp their dialects. I examined the music of the Middle East as well, and noticed on how the industry is monopolized with Egyptian and Lebanese dialects. Most of the singers came from these countries, so I guess that's why.

Thus, it’s interesting to hear that most of the dramas use the Syria dialect.

And yes, no one here really speaks Modern Standard Arabic (MSA).

Because, well, you can’t really survive here by speaking in Fus7a (MSA). People will laugh at you…for sure.

Oh well, more on that later. (I think I’ve written that on my other post as well…and I’ve yet to elaborate the matter further regarding that topic…but well…I need to wake up early tomorrow—going out on a trip! :D)

For the time being, I’ll show you something Persian related.

مسلسل نبي الله يوسف الصديق - Prophet Yusuf As-sadiq Series

(You can watch the rest on Youtube)

I’ve only watched the series for about…half an hour? Not because it bores me (I love this kind of story) but I was straining my brain hard on figuring what kind of dialect is this.

(I downloaded the series so there‘s no description on the language etc etc D:)

Half an hour later, I realized that if this language gave me a headache (and by headache, I mean, this language sounds so familiar yet so strange), then it must be…



Slow…yeah I suppose I was a tad slow.

Oh well. Hope you like the series. :D

If only it’s in Arabic~ D:

Maybe I should learn Persian as well~

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


"I'll be moving to Tumblr..."


"From now on, I will only update on Tumblr..."


"I won't use this blog anymore, so check me out on Tumblr..."

XO <- that's obviously not a kiss and hug emoticons...

nooo why does everyone move to tumblr???




So off I went to the land of Tumblr to see what's so great about it...

And made myself an account. o.o

Well I'm off to check out some people...

Not sure if I'll follow them though. I've somehow posted odd things on my tumblr. o.O

Oh well.

*plays with Tumblr* <- in case you want to check out mine...not that you want...but well...just in case.



I get it now!

February is the odd month.

January is the emo month.


Oh it's not February yet.


Safar then!


What kind of a blogpost is this...?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I want a carnation.

(the title is so random.)

I was struck by this particular quote.

“Meeting someone and having a very positive and powerful attraction to them right away is a sign that this is someone we have loved well before.”

I don’t believe in reincarnation however.

A myth by Amr Al-Makki.

God created the hearts seven thousand years before the bodies and kept them in the station of proximity to Himself and He created the spirits seven thousand years before the hearts and kept them in the garden of intimate fellowship (uns) with Himself, and the consciences -- the innermost part -- He created seven thousand years before the spirits and kept them in the degree of union (waṣl) with Himself. Then he imprisoned the conscience in the spirit and the spirit in the heart and the heart in the body. Then He tested them and sent prophets, and then each began to seek its own station. The body occupied itself with prayer, the heart attained to love, the spirit arrived at proximity to its Lord, and the innermost part found rest in union with Him.

Conscience -> Spirit -> Heart -> Body

Then conscience is in the spirit, the spirit is in the heart, and the heart is in the body.

The body is not forever ours.

We didn’t carry our hearts to the afterlife either…or will we?

Spirit defines us, and conscience accompanies us.

Is it possible for us to be born again in this world? I am led to believe that the reason we are here is to prove our worth and overcome all these trials.

Hajj is a trial as well.

Adam and Eve didn’t come to this world for fun—they did a terrible mistake, and they were here as a punishment, to repent themselves.

You couldn’t possibly get a second chance, could you?

Thus, reincarnation – not possible in my book. Even the Quran has stated several times that we will all be resurrected on the judgment day, and that’s where all of our deeds will be calculated, to hell, or to heaven, only God knows.

If we did well in this life, then we’ll be awarded with an afterlife that we deserved. The world is a platform to show our worth, to show that we are not as vulnerable and weak, to show that we can overcome every trial that lands on our way.

I’m repeating myself.


More on that later.

Rest in Peace

Something that I know pretty well (and learned) by now is that after the death of a person, he didn’t rise to the skies just yet, but linger on earth for a good seven days.

I couldn’t find more information about it on the net, which is odd, but well, you can never trust the internet much nowadays, especially not concerning sensitive topic as this.

(Believe me...don't believe me...I don't really care.)

That is why, people with a faint heart or weak resistance aren’t recommended in attending funerals. Not because of the whole corpse looks spooky or anything, it’s because the soul is still there, watching your every move, before finally saying goodbye.

(and also, some people have their own companion, and the companion will be there as well, but let’s not venture into that topic.)

So take the chance to wish wellness and pray for your deceased loved ones, may he could rise to the skies without much difficulties, and may he will be placed amongst the good people.


In memory of our late Sultan.

Better late than never? :D

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Attraction is a curious thing.

So, let’s see. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual.

Those didn’t sound remotely off-putting or even odd nowadays.

It was considered taboo, once upon a time, but the society began to accept it more and treat it like a normal thing.

Although, I suppose in various religions, it’s still a forbidden thing. But some people couldn’t control their preference, I understand that.

It’s better to embrace it than fight it, right? Liking a girl and be happy is better than pretending to like a boy and be miserable. You only live once. You don’t want to die in misery. I want to say that maybe this odd feeling is a trial given by God to test your patience and faith, but not everyone believes in God, so I can’t really say much about that.

Still, it is a twisted thing. A female (Eve) was created from a male’s rib (Adam), so that the female would be close to his side, a sign that female and male belong together. Their love will continue to the heaven after they die, a throne for the king, a throne for the queen, with angels at their commands. There are no two kings, no two queens. Only a pair of king and queen, so you see, in various religions, there is no place for same-sex relationships, it’s simply not meant to be. Even naturally speaking, it couldn't be done. And by naturally, I mean...nature.

Reminds me of the ruckus over Ms California’s answer last year, where she said, “In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.”

Religion aside, I learned that the reason why humans are attracted to each other is because they found their partner complimented their beauty and good for reproducing. Science is an odd thing, but yes, apparently the human’s instinct led them in finding the perfect companion for reproduction, producing offspring that will carry their legacy.

That is why, sometimes you’ll be attracted to those that carry the same features as yours. Most of the time, couples in marriage have striking resemblance with each other, and I heard it all the time while attending wedding ceremonies, “They look like siblings!” or, “How cute, he looks like her!”

…which sounds weird in that context, but trust me, it was a high compliment to be received by a couple.

Now, same-sex relationships just busted that theory, doesn’t it? There is something else that provoke attractions, and not only due to reproduction sake.

Because obviously you can’t reproduce with two…yeah…too much information alert? o.O

Anyway, I happened to attend a lecture on this subject the other day, and it froze my brain.

*scratch head*

(I’m beginning to think that I indeed learned the darnedest things nowadays…)

To the boys, do you find…uhh…The Kaulitz twins beautiful, by chance? (Tokio Hotel has definitely caught a lot of young maiden’s hearts…)
To the girls, do you find…urm…Megan Fox hot? (I can’t think of anyone else…)

Well, if you do, then apparently, you’re not 100% straight.

Oh wow WHAT?! XD

Now, I’ve been told that all of us stand on the middle of the line, and we are prone of liking men or women. Some girls are closer to the male side, thus liking men, while some others are closer to the female side, making them lesbian.

Or, you could waver from that other end to the other end and become both—bisexual.

Being 100% straight is simply impossible. At most, you’ll only be 99% straight. There’s always that 1% that distorted your orientation. You never know, you’ll find a girl hot one fine day.

Attraction is a bizarre thing, they said, and attraction didn’t recognize gender. It’s possible to be straight and like a girl at the same time. It just means that you’re 80% straight and 20% lesbian. Same could be said with men, and that’s why sometimes, when you look at someone, you found them exceptionally attractive, even though they are the same gender as you.

Now…Hmm. Well.

I don’t thoroughly agree with that. There is something called ‘respect’ and ‘admiration’, isn’t it? If I found a cat visually attractive, does that change my orientation? It’s not as if I want to hook up with a cat, right?

…that sounds weird.

Anyway, let’s take it this way. I’m sure that nearly everyone has seen plenty of beautiful celebrities on TV, and once in a while, will find them hot or attractive, enough to make your heart beat. You’ll gush over them, but there are those that you didn’t fall in love with, just merely appreciate the beauty and the talent, but still, you gush over them anyhow.

Is that possible? To appreciate the celebrity and not fall romantically?

Well, if she/he somehow found a partner in life, and you didn’t pluck your hair in rage, then yeah, you were attracted to them because of admiration. Not because of reproduction sake.

Or love. Okay.

I love two people, and those are xi and sa. Hence the xisa.

But not romantically, of course. I would gag before hooking up with either of them.

Now, xi happens to be male, and sa is a female. Does that make me bisexual?

When I was in the fandom, people looked at me strangely for not crushing over xi. I seem to like him for different reasons. And that was odd, apparently.

But I didn’t like him that way. I just simply admire him. Is that weird?

Same could be said with sa. And I happen to fangirl sa more than xi. Does that make me more lesbian?

I don’t think so. Never in my mind would I want to actually hook up with either of them.

It’s just merely respect and admiration.

And these things that say a girl admires another girl because she’s 20% lesbian, is laughable.

You don’t fall in love easily, you know.

Love is a magical thing.

…this post is strangely…


Finding people attractive, regardless of gender, doesn’t distort your orientation even further.

Attraction doesn’t necessarily attract love, but love depends on attraction.

I’m not making any sense.

Oh well.


P/S: I hope anyone wouldn't find this offensive. It's just that attraction is a very odd thing. That is all.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Kill it or save it?

(I was thinking of posting about Umrah, but decided not to.)

(I also thought of posting about this amusing thing, but suddenly I don’t have the motivation.)


Oh Nashuha, why must you live at the other side of the continent and sleep earlier than me? I need to talk to you pronto. Now I have no one to talk to, just my blog, but my blog couldn’t sooth me you know. Well, serve you right for knowing my secret! Muahahaha D: 


Have you had the feeling that you like something, tried to acquire it with all of your power, did every possible thing that you could, but then you hate it with all of your passion, wanting it to vanish for eternity, never to be seen by your eyes again? You want it like nobody’s business at first, but out of a sudden, your confidence crumbled, and all you ever wanted is to have nothing to do with that thing.

This…thing. *wargh kills it with a machinegun*

Now, what should you do when this thing happen?

First, talk to someone that you trust.
>My secretkeeper is in dreamland.

Second, clear up your mind.
>My mind is clear, but my senses are depressed.

Third, distract your mind.
>Distracting now! I feel less like a loser.

Fourth, reevaluate your choices with your rational mind. Weigh down the pros and cons, and don’t let your emotions blind you.
>Now this is hard.

If you’re having difficulties with step number four, it is wise to ask for help from your trusted person.
>But she’s asleep!

If you’re having difficulties with the previous step, it is wise to keep on distracting your mind.

When your emotions are all behind you, then weigh down the possibilities and make your decision.

Make sure that once the decision is made, stick with it, and don’t let any foreign sensation clouded your heart again.
>I’ll try.


Ladies and gentlemen, if you are having difficulties in making choices, then kindly follow my brain’s advice. I know, she sounds like a robot, but well, you know how brains are.

(okay I kid it’s all me I’m just having this rare drama queen moment)

Hope this post proves useful.

:D <- a forced grin.

I need to be cheered up. T_____________________T

EDIT: After much thinking, I've decided that my quest in life is to make everyone happy. Yay? :D <- this is a genuine grin.

EDIT2: I think I've just made someone very, very happy and that made me happy too (*^^*) ngeeeh :D

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


(sorry for the messiness of this post, I don't have time to proofread XD)

Tomorrow is weekend!

In this part of the world, Thursday is the weekend while Saturday is the first day of the week. :D And today is a half-day, because Wednesday is the last weekday.

Awesome? Well, it did take a lot of time to get used to.

So, since today is a half-day, we decided to go to Mecca and perform our Umrah! :D We'll be staying there for a couple of days, so I'll be gone for a while. I will miss my blog (and twitter) for sure. XD

Masjidil Haram! This is taken during my Hajj’s pilgrimage.

This is also taken during my Hajj’s pilgrimage, specifically on the third floor. Look at those people…*faints*

I suppose the only time when the Kaabah is actually free of people is during the annual cleaning by the Mayor of Mecca. He’d done it earlier this year, and it consisted of him and his people performing the tawaf around the Kaabah and performing Dhuha prayer inside the Baitullah. I saw it on TV.

There’s also something else that I saw on TV. It was a few days after Gregorian New Year, and they were performing the Dhuha prayer for two hours, from 8 am to 10 am. Very long, isn’t it? But seriously, it was one of the most touching moments I’ve ever seen. The way the Imam recited the surah during the prayer managed to awaken the emotional side of me and I suddenly had the urge of bawling my eyes out. T.T

Oh, and just so you know, the TV broadcasts every prayer on TV. :D So you can tell if Masjidil Haram is currently packed with people or not. And from what I saw, it wasn’t as hectic.

Well, compared to the time during Hajj and Ramadhan months, of course. :D Those times are the busiest times ever, so much that these sights are not unusual to be seen in this land at all.

No police is going to catch you for sitting on top of a car either. Do it at your own risk. :D

Oh, and if your five-seated car has ten people in it, then it’s also okay.

Can you tell I’m rushing? I need to get ready! XD

I hope everything will go well, and may our Umrah will be accepted by Allah. Amin.

I’ll pray that all of your deepest wishes would come true, and may Allah grant what he thinks is best for you.

To everyone who’s going out on a trip or something as well, I hope you’ll have a safe trip!
Semoga selamat perjalanan pergi balik!
Taru7i wa tarja3i bil salama (lazy to switch font lol)
Itterasshai! (lazy to switch font again XD)

Bye for a couple of days! :D