I’ve been neglecting my blog! Well I’ve been ignoring it really, because I really don’t know how to say this. Or write.
I’m sure you’ve seen it all the time, people having best friends and an entire clique of friends, hanging out and sharing each other’s secrets, treating them like their siblings more than those people who shared their bloods with.
We have none of those. We don’t, or rather, we can’t.
We tried to be their greatest friends, helped them in any way we can, listened to all of their worries, problems, boasting, bragging, anything, as long as the friendship can go on.
But somehow, always, sooner or later, something will happen and the friendship will end.
Either they’ll stab us from behind or they get sick of us fast and leave us alone.
Perhaps I am annoying. Sometimes, people would brush me away without warnings as if my mere existence annoyed them, so what else should I do aside of drifting away as well? If people don’t like me, then fine, I won’t bother them anymore.
We’ll listen to people’s problems but they never seemed to listen to ours. We tried to understand them from every aspect yet they never took the effort to do the same. They only look at us from one direction, and made a conclusion based on that. We tried to consider their feelings but they never considered ours.
Just because people don’t preach about religion all the time/all that much doesn’t mean they’re not pious or religious.
Just because he looks dumb doesn’t mean he’s not smart.
Just because I happened to not look sickly doesn’t mean I can climb the mountain and do it over and over again.
When they talked, we listened. Even when they were complaining about us or criticizing us, we don’t care.
But when we somehow slipped a minor mistake, they’ll flip out and refuse to be our friend.
When we helped them, we had nothing in our mind, except that we don’t wish that they’ll experience hardship in their lives.
Yet how easy it was for them to forget; one flaw and they’ll hate us and forget everything we’ve done.
I value all my friends. I really do, real life friends and internet friends, I treasure them all. But I can’t open up about everything, I can’t be my true self, because then I’m afraid I’ll lose them.
I’ve already lost plenty of them. I don’t need another friendship left broken.
The only people I can truly be myself with and open up about everything are with my siblings.
I would be the craziest and loudest person alive and they’ll never think I’m annoying (at least at the moment). I can be so gross and they’ll never be disgusted.
I can crash at their places and wreck their houses like nobody business and they would join me and wreck their own homes as well.
They understand my condition.
They understand my weaknesses.
Do their future spouses understand that? Perhaps yes, but not entirely, I don’t think so. I just wish they would, but knowing me, I probably will need to act politely in their houses because irritated wives = angry brothers = guilty me.
Things wouldn’t be the same anymore. They’ll have their own responsibilities, their own families to take care of, and I understand that, I really do, but being one of the youngest people in the family, I can’t help but wish that time will return to that moment when all of us were in the same room playing videogames together, free of responsibility, free of misery, free of everything, really.
Losing one brother at a time is bearable.
Having the three of them marrying at the same time is a bit of a shock.
So sorry if I sounded passive and overly selfish in this post, it’s just that I can’t handle strangers very well.
And I’m sure you understand why by now.
(that being said maybe I CAN make an exception for at least one person HAHA you know who you are? :|)